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Old 09-18-2016, 08:05 AM
 
Location: SW Florida
15,209 posts, read 10,241,777 times
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Has anybody here finally said something to their friend who talks too much that actually worked? Do you think a 62 year old woman would be able to change?
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Old 09-18-2016, 12:05 PM
 
17,815 posts, read 25,577,206 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Colorado^ View Post
Yep, there's no mystery here.

People with Aspergers, are apt to monologue. They are also clueless to your body language and/or subtle hints that you're board to tears.

I wouldn't mind betting that most of the "talkers" referred to in this thread, either stare or make little to no eye contact during conversation.

Please, and if your mother had a been a man she would have been your father.

There are many very self absorbed people, and social media has made it worse.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scooby Snacks View Post
Ah, the good old wastepaper basket diagnosis of Asperger's Everything can be explained as "part of my Asperger's." I think nonstop talkers can be described more simply and accurately as selfish and self absorbed.

Exactly!
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Old 09-18-2016, 12:10 PM
 
17,815 posts, read 25,577,206 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chiluvr1228 View Post
Has anybody here finally said something to their friend who talks too much that actually worked? Do you think a 62 year old woman would be able to change?
Yes, you can say something. But mostly what happens is that it reverts back to talking about themselves. It's who they are. I have tried this with someone I know a few times, even jokingly saying "I'm fine thanks for asking". They're a little better for a short period of time, than it's back to business as usual.

No, she isn't going to change.
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Old 09-20-2016, 12:44 PM
 
16,579 posts, read 20,661,245 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marlow View Post
I have a co-worker whom I truly like, but oh lordy. She tells me details about people and situations I care nothing about. I know all about her daughter's in-laws, her divorced friend's new husband, her husband's former co-workers, her friends' marriages and divorces. She likes to keep me updated on her mother-in-law's medical situation, her skanky sister-in-law and her poor little nieces. I'm a friendly person and I don't mind a friendly workplace, but sometimes I just nod and walk backwards toward my office.

I rarely tell her anything about my family or friends, but when I do, within about 45 seconds, I'm listening to her talk about her family and friends.

She's a good-hearted person whose circle of interests is very small. I just try to take deep breaths when I see her getting wound up and never ask any questions.
Quoting myself ^^^^^.

Now, every time I talk to this woman I think about this thread and smile. This morning I shared a smidgen of personal news, then listened to a story about a text she received from her daughter's mother-in-law that also involved her daughter's grandfather-in-law. After that I heard about how well her nephew's wife's career is going and how she's found the perfect job because she's hoping to have another baby. My phone rang and I backed out of the room smiling and nodding.

I just overheard her talking to another co-worker about her son's job prospects.
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Old 09-20-2016, 01:53 PM
 
17,815 posts, read 25,577,206 times
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Originally Posted by Marlow View Post
Quoting myself ^^^^^.

Now, every time I talk to this woman I think about this thread and smile. This morning I shared a smidgen of personal news, then listened to a story about a text she received from her daughter's mother-in-law that also involved her daughter's grandfather-in-law. After that I heard about how well her nephew's wife's career is going and how she's found the perfect job because she's hoping to have another baby. My phone rang and I backed out of the room smiling and nodding.

I just overheard her talking to another co-worker about her son's job prospects.
I have to laugh when you said in one thread she is a good hearted person whose interests are limited.

Yes, limited to herself.

Narcissists are not good hearted people. They sometimes can fake empathy or briefly show interest in you, but in the end it's all about them and what they can get out of you.
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Old 09-21-2016, 08:43 AM
 
16,579 posts, read 20,661,245 times
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Originally Posted by seain dublin View Post
I have to laugh when you said in one thread she is a good hearted person whose interests are limited.

Yes, limited to herself.

Narcissists are not good hearted people. They sometimes can fake empathy or briefly show interest in you, but in the end it's all about them and what they can get out of you.
Honestly, I don't think she's a narcissist. At least not in the sense of trying to get something out of me or anyone else. She never asks anyone to do anything for her and never says a harsh word directly to anyone. She's just totally devoted to her family and not much interested in anything else. Her children love her and even though they're grown, they still do lots of things together.
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Old 09-21-2016, 10:50 AM
 
Location: Paranoid State
13,044 posts, read 13,828,187 times
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I think there is a distinction between someone who endlessly talks about himself and someone who goes into far too much detail to tell an anecdote.

Regardless, here is a tactic that might work. Regardless where the other person is in a story, just start talking about something else with your own anecdote. Don't stop talking for at least a good paragraph, even when you see their lips moving and hear they are talking, just don't give up - keep talking without a pause.

At some point you can stop. If the other person says something about your having interrupted them, just say "I thought you were done."
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Old 09-21-2016, 04:17 PM
 
17,815 posts, read 25,577,206 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marlow View Post
Honestly, I don't think she's a narcissist. At least not in the sense of trying to get something out of me or anyone else. She never asks anyone to do anything for her and never says a harsh word directly to anyone. She's just totally devoted to her family and not much interested in anything else. Her children love her and even though they're grown, they still do lots of things together.
She is at the very least self absorbed. Naricissts don't always want something at of you, other than just making everything about them. Which is what you said this woman does.

You don't find it odd that she thinks everyone should be as fasicinated with her family as she is? That she doesn't find it rude to expect to just talk about herself but can't ask the other person how they're doing? Or their family?

That's great that she has a good relationship with her adult children, but how about other people and their familes. She can't be bothered to even ask.

Doesn't sound like a very nice person.
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Old 09-22-2016, 09:16 AM
 
16,579 posts, read 20,661,245 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin View Post
She is at the very least self absorbed. Naricissts don't always want something at of you, other than just making everything about them. Which is what you said this woman does.

You don't find it odd that she thinks everyone should be as fasicinated with her family as she is? That she doesn't find it rude to expect to just talk about herself but can't ask the other person how they're doing? Or their family?

That's great that she has a good relationship with her adult children, but how about other people and their familes. She can't be bothered to even ask.

Doesn't sound like a very nice person.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a mental impairment with specific criteria. You don't know my friend and are in no position to diagnose her based on two posts of mine.

Some people are perfectly nice and function well in society, even though they go into great detail when talking about their friends and family. The person I'm talking about is kind and will ask questions about how someone else is doing, but tends to take over conversations with information about her family.

Not every annoying habit is a symptom of a personality disorder. Some people just talk too much.
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Old 09-22-2016, 09:46 AM
 
17,825 posts, read 15,486,584 times
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So the answer to the original question the OP posed is "Yes!" I'd say just about everyone has had someone in their life like what you describe.

There's no one right answer on how to handle it, I think it's unique to each person. You just have to decide if you want to continue to interact with the person and how much or not at all. Conversation doesn't have to be 50/50, but it's important that both people get to have a sharing of their lives with each other over a longer span of time so it's not all or nothing.

You can certainly say something to them about the behavior and how it makes you feel as a result, but as I learned decades ago from some tough lessons, it's not realistic to expect people to change who they are fundamentally. So using this example, if someone is narcissistic they're not going to suddenly become empathetic about others. That doesn't make such a person bad or evil, btw, it's just you have to find the right balance for your needs and move towards people and situations that feel in balance for you.
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