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You're right about some women always wanting a big wedding. That's nothing new.
But the trend today(and this was new to me until this year) is now asking people to fund your honeymoon, fund a down payment on a house. There is a wedding website called Honeyfund( and I guess others) that do this.
This is something new, and it's the millennials who are asking this.
I just don't understand the uproar about honeymoon funds.
I just don't see it as being any different than a Bed Bath and Beyond registry. Already own enough pots and pans and you want a couples massage on your honeymoon, I'll happily get you that. You need pots and pans I'll get you those.
I've even seen people complain if there is no registry because then the couple is expecting cash.
I've come to realize that wedding gifts are always a touchy subject and that you just can't please everyone.
I just don't understand the uproar about honeymoon funds.
I just don't see it as being any different than a Bed Bath and Beyond registry. Already own enough pots and pans and you want a couples massage on your honeymoon, I'll happily get you that. You need pots and pans I'll get you those.
I've even seen people complain if there is no registry because then the couple is expecting cash.
I've come to realize that wedding gifts are always a touchy subject and that you just can't please everyone.
I'll tackle it.
Wedding gifts were originally intended to help the couple set up housekeeping. Not to go off on some expensive trip.
I just don't understand the uproar about honeymoon funds.
I just don't see it as being any different than a Bed Bath and Beyond registry. Already own enough pots and pans and you want a couples massage on your honeymoon, I'll happily get you that. You need pots and pans I'll get you those.
I've even seen people complain if there is no registry because then the couple is expecting cash.
I've come to realize that wedding gifts are always a touchy subject and that you just can't please everyone.
I'm not a big fan of it, myself, but my daughter and SIL did that. They were already planning a trip to WDW, and this was just some of the extras like a dinner here, spa treatment there. They also had a Target registry, so the guests had two things. Interestingly though, their favorite gifts were the personal ones that weren't on either registry.
This is something new. When you have time check out "Honeyfund" it is a online company that sets up websites for couples getting married.
I had never seen it before either, until I got a wedding website invite from a couple and it said things like "we are planning on buying a house, click here to contribute to that fund", "we are planning on taking a honeymoon, click here to contribute to that fund".
These are two college educated people with good jobs in their late 20s who were already living together.
I thought it was very tacky and nervy. I sent a gift card and didn't attend the wedding, but wasn't going to contribute to fund for a honeymoon or a house.
What's next "I need help paying my car note or student loan, click here to contribute to that fund".
It's part of today's entitlement mentality.
Really? How is it any different than registering for the items you want and need?
Someone up thread complained about high-earning professionals registering for housewares...now it's complaints if they don't register for housewares?
They can't win. If they say "no gifts please" that's tacky, and they'll get showered with random, mismatching stuff that will end up going to Goodwill. If they don't mention anything at all, that's probably the most polite course of action, but doesn't solve the "random gifts" problem. If they register it's considered a "gift grab." But if they set up "funds" on a website, for things they really want, you know, so the gift-givers aren't wasting their money, well then they're "entitled Millennials"...
Truly, how is sending a gift card different from contributing the same amount to their honeymoon or house fund?
Wedding gifts were originally intended to help the couple set up housekeeping. Not to go off on some expensive trip.
True, because they were 18 years old and had never lived away from Ma and Pa!
Two 30 year olds have all the dishes they need. And can buy more if the need arises. But since most guests like giving gifts, if makes sense to give something the couple will use!
Gift-giving is still a choice, one can always give something different, original, creative, or special. But they shouldn't be shocked if the bride and groom don't share the same opinion.
Wedding gifts were originally intended to help the couple set up housekeeping. Not to go off on some expensive trip.
A gift is also something you shouldn't be dictating to people either.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AfternoonCoffee
Really? How is it any different than registering for the items you want and need?
Someone up thread complained about high-earning professionals registering for housewares...now it's complaints if they don't register for housewares?
They can't win. If they say "no gifts please" that's tacky, and they'll get showered with random, mismatching stuff that will end up going to Goodwill. If they don't mention anything at all, that's probably the most polite course of action, but doesn't solve the "random gifts" problem. If they register it's considered a "gift grab." But if they set up "funds" on a website, for things they really want, you know, so the gift-givers aren't wasting their money, well then they're "entitled Millennials"...
Truly, how is sending a gift card different from contributing the same amount to their honeymoon or house fund?
How is it different? Honeyfund takes a percentage off what you "donate". For example if you gave a $100 towards the "honeymoon fund", the couple gets $97. You think these wedding websites work for free?
You give a gift card for a $100 directly to the couple in a card, they get a $100 gift card, not a $97 one.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AfternoonCoffee
True, because they were 18 years old and had never lived away from Ma and Pa!
Two 30 year olds have all the dishes they need. And can buy more if the need arises. But since most guests like giving gifts, if makes sense to give something the couple will use!
Gift-giving is still a choice, one can always give something different, original, creative, or special. But they shouldn't be shocked if the bride and groom don't share the same opinion.
Yes, and two 30 year olds who make over 100K between them can afford a down payment on a house.
Don't ask people to donate to funds.
How about someone turn around and says "sure, and you can donate to my I want to go to Hawaii and used my mortgage payment to pay for the plane fare fund".
A gift is also something you shouldn't be dictating to people either.
So you're saying "no" to registries all together? If that's your opinion, I can understand how you wouldn't like much about modern gift-giving.
Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin
AHow is it different? Honeyfund takes a percentage off what you "donate". For example if you gave a $100 towards the "honeymoon fund", the couple gets $97. You think these wedding websites work for free?
You give a gift card for a $100 directly to the couple in a card, they get a $100 gift card, not a $97 one.
I didn't mean "Honeyfund" specifically (which I've never heard of until today!) I mean contributing to a honeymoon fund, down payment fund, whatever. Like, writing a check, clicking a button, handing over cash, etc. How is THAT different from a gift card? Was they gift card for a store they were registered at?
Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin
Yes, and two 30 year olds who make over 100K between them can afford a down payment on a house.
Don't ask people to donate to funds.
What do you see as acceptable wedding gift etiquette?
OK, I will be honest. All the younger people in the family and others we know have gotten married. I doubt DH and I will be "here" for the next generation of weddings. I really, truly don't care if I ever go to a wedding again.
I am sick of the showers and the shower gifts now expected which have morphed into what used to be considered wedding gifts. The expense of traveling, motels, clothing, gifts, etc. involved is major and I would rather spend it on a trip for DH and myself. I think I do resent giving all this time and effort to a couple who has lived together for several years. Let them get married, be happy but 250 people really don't care that much about your relationship or want to pay for your honeymoon or new house.
We have been to weddings in churches, on beaches, in ballrooms, near waterfalls (down muddy paths), in meadows (bees), in barns (yes, bats!) - you name it. It has been an experience but I am DONE. I am thankful my kids wanted small, intimate weddings with parents, siblings and several of their very close friends - low stress, calm, and meaningful to the people who really care.
I think the whole wedding industry has gotten out of hand and more people are reacting to the insanity. I have done my part and happily joined in most celebrations but I think I will retire from the nuptials arena before the second marriages start rolling around.
A gift is also something you shouldn't be dictating to people either.
How is it different? Honeyfund takes a percentage off what you "donate". For example if you gave a $100 towards the "honeymoon fund", the couple gets $97. You think these wedding websites work for free?
You give a gift card for a $100 directly to the couple in a card, they get a $100 gift card, not a $97 one.
Yes, and two 30 year olds who make over 100K between them can afford a down payment on a house.
Don't ask people to donate to funds.
How about someone turn around and says "sure, and you can donate to my I want to go to Hawaii and used my mortgage payment to pay for the plane fare fund".
You must be really fun at parties...lol. It seems a couple can't win with you. If they register, they are asking for gifts and that's wrong. If they create honey fund accounts they are wrong. If they don't register they are wrong.
I feel bad for couple's that invite you to their wedding. They probably hope you don't go but invite you anyway because you seem like the person that would complain about getting invited but would get mad if you didn't get invited.
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