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Old 09-26-2016, 11:51 PM
 
473 posts, read 499,782 times
Reputation: 339

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Can you afford to pick up bill for all of it? Could offer to 'chip in' before the server shows up and put however money you want to pay on the table. Keep your meal cheap, snack at home before if you must. Maybe cover girlfriend and yourself...

I WOULD NOT CHOOSE to stay home...No talk of money, religion, ethics, politics. Just keep her talking about herself or FIL...You can be sickeningly sweet or neutral. If you allow the barbs to just slide off, even funnier. Act it for the income level you want, not stoop to harass! May keep it good with girlfriend longer.

 
Old 09-27-2016, 03:17 AM
 
11,025 posts, read 7,797,253 times
Reputation: 23702
We don't really know whether it is the husband or wife being victimized by the nasty MIL here but the solution would be the same for me. Let them all go out and have their group meal at Applebee's and take yourself to the best steakhouse in driving distance. Get the biggest steak and a good bottle of wine and savor it, but not all of it. Have the leftovers wrapped (the more the better) and cork the bottle of wine to bring home. Make sure they're all around as you cut up the meat for the dog, telling him how great it was, then pour yourself a glass of the leftover wine and settle in front of the TV.
 
Old 09-27-2016, 09:56 AM
 
Location: Elsewhere
88,293 posts, read 84,292,537 times
Reputation: 114641
Quote:
Originally Posted by MadManofBethesda View Post
That's very interesting. I wonder if anyone else thinks that the OP is a woman and that she created this thread to complain about her husband's mother? Because it is patently obvious to me, with 100% certainty, that the OP is a man and he is complaining about the way his wife's mother treats him.

And the reason is clear: I can't imagine any son's mother acting this way toward his wife and then the son sitting by silently while his mother treats his wife in this manner. No way in hell. It isn't even plausible.
I thought the OP was a woman, definitely. Now I wonder!

But as for your last sentence, my paternal grandmother treated my mother badly and my father didn't speak up for her. It was a bone of contention all through their marriage until she finally died. My father was an only child and his mother was domineering and controlling. His way to manage her was to shut her out as much as possible and just ignore her and he thought my mother should just do the same, but my mother wanted him to stand up to his mother and defend. Mom is 87, my father has been dead for 17 years, my grandmother for 40, and if you brought this subject up to her today she would tell you all about how he never stood up to his mother. For hours!
 
Old 09-27-2016, 11:37 AM
 
8,170 posts, read 6,018,431 times
Reputation: 5963
Quote:
Originally Posted by MadManofBethesda View Post
That's very interesting. I wonder if anyone else thinks that the OP is a woman and that she created this thread to complain about her husband's mother? Because it is patently obvious to me, with 100% certainty, that the OP is a man and he is complaining about the way his wife's mother treats him.

And the reason is clear: I can't imagine any son's mother acting this way toward his wife and then the son sitting by silently while his mother treats his wife in this manner. No way in hell. It isn't even plausible.
My ex mil use to treat me like crap. She came over once to reorganize my living room. When she would not leave, I called the police. She was hysterical and called her son, who immediately called me to ask what I did to cause his mother to be upset. He expected me to just let her do whatever in our house, regardless what I wanted.

Hindsight with some age, her coming to clean, rearrange furniture, make dinner, redecorate, fold my underwear was not that bad.. Today I would welcome the help, but then it felt like her preventing us from having independence. We divorced and his mother still takes care of his household.

My own mother has a strong, "her way or the highway" personality. There is no such thing as standing up to her. Do so and she will give the silent treatment for months, exclude you from all family functions. My kids are way to close to my parents to cause that type of family rift, so we grin and bare her rudenes, just to keep peace.
 
Old 09-27-2016, 11:39 AM
 
8,170 posts, read 6,018,431 times
Reputation: 5963
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
I thought the OP was a woman, definitely. Now I wonder!

But as for your last sentence, my paternal grandmother treated my mother badly and my father didn't speak up for her. It was a bone of contention all through their marriage until she finally died. My father was an only child and his mother was domineering and controlling. His way to manage her was to shut her out as much as possible and just ignore her and he thought my mother should just do the same, but my mother wanted him to stand up to his mother and defend. Mom is 87, my father has been dead for 17 years, my grandmother for 40, and if you brought this subject up to her today she would tell you all about how he never stood up to his mother. For hours!
I handle my own controlling mother the same way.
 
Old 09-27-2016, 12:09 PM
 
Location: Elsewhere
88,293 posts, read 84,292,537 times
Reputation: 114641
My friend married a guy who had two brothers. When their parents divorced, the two older brothers were teens and chose to live with their dad. She had the youngest son, who was ten at the time. When the youngest grew up and was getting married, he and his fiance were at the house they'd bought painting and doing repairs, and the mother called to ask him why he wasn't home for dinner. When he said he would be getting something with his soon-to-be-wife, there was dead silence on the other end of the phone, and then she said, "You should be home for dinner. You aren't married to her YET."

Then, after they got married, the mother used to call the new DIL to ask her what she was cooking and then would go on to comment that there weren't enough vegetables and that she should add this or that because Vinnie wasn't getting enough vitamins with what she was making him. To his credit, and with the backing of his older brothers, the son gave his mother a good talking-to about boundaries.
 
Old 09-27-2016, 12:20 PM
 
Location: Vermont
11,754 posts, read 14,611,102 times
Reputation: 18503
The original poster is the husband, the mother-in-law is his wife's mother.


Not sure what difference this all makes, but it seems to be of interest to many.


I'm inclined to agree with the people who say that the way to deal with all in-law problems is for each spouse to deal directly with his or her parents.


And, of course, never allow your in-laws to come between you and your spouse. Once you're married that's the most important relationship.
 
Old 09-27-2016, 12:51 PM
 
13,498 posts, read 18,138,198 times
Reputation: 37885
Tell your spouse that MIL is dead meat on your menu the entire time she is in town - and any future time - until her gives her a major attitude adjustment.

This is so unbelievably rude you need to draw a major line in the sand.
 
Old 09-27-2016, 12:52 PM
 
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
16,011 posts, read 21,025,382 times
Reputation: 43411
Why do any of the people involved go out with this woman if she behaves this way? Do any of them find it acceptable? Why don't all of them boycott the dining out? Shouldn't just be the one or two people that MIL doesn't like staying home, should be everyone.
If MIL suggest going out to eat simply look at her tell her you all had other plans, but if she's offering to treat everyone to dinner.... well, sure, thanks mom!
 
Old 09-27-2016, 12:57 PM
 
6,039 posts, read 6,035,274 times
Reputation: 16753
Quote:
Originally Posted by DubbleT View Post
Why do any of the people involved go out with this woman if she behaves this way? Do any of them find it acceptable? Why don't all of them boycott the dining out? Shouldn't just be the one or two people that MIL doesn't like staying home, should be everyone.
If MIL suggest going out to eat simply look at her tell her you all had other plans, but if she's offering to treat everyone to dinner.... well, sure, thanks mom!
Maybe some day the OP will come back to shed some light.
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