Loaning a friend or acquaintance money (male, conversation, business, person)
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I personally have never had anyone ask me to borrow money so not exactly sure what I would do at that exact moment. I think if it was family and it did keep happening I wouldn't hesitate. As for a good friend, probably. Anyone else I would say sorry to.
I am not opposed to lending money to friends, but if they didn't even have your number, you shouldn't be loaning them money. Unless it's something very minimal like $20-50 or something on the spot.
This is very relevant. You obviously have set the bar too low related to "friendship"
Someone that doesn't even have your contact information shouldn't be labeled "friend"
This is very relevant. You obviously have set the bar too low related to "friendship"
Someone that doesn't even have your contact information shouldn't be labeled "friend"
this person is simply a co-worker/acquaintance.
I don't know why this has become such a focus on this thread, to me it isn't even relevant. My friends all network through facebook, NONE of us calls/texts each other, and this individual does not have a facebook page - probably too poor for a computer! lol Not to mention, I said SEVERAL times here, this was a "friendly acquaintance" not an actual friend.
Anyway, I got a lot of nice, helpful comments on this thread and for those I thank you, I tried to rep as many as I could. For those who think having a phone # is criteria for friendship, what can I say....
Location: When things get hot they expand. Im not fat. Im hot.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gypsychic
This is a great post, and I think you nailed it exactly. I do know that this person is living on the edge, working hard, but at low paying jobs, nothing saved, can barely afford to rent a room; like you said "just making do." But "X" has never come off as a "loser", always being very genuinely sweet not only to me but everyone else around, and seems well-liked by all. That was what made it all the more disappointing. But like you said, they get embarrassed, I do think the intention was to pay me back, but living day-to-day like this, I get lost in the pack. And as you said, I am probably not the only one who is owed money. In fact, there are probably quite a few out there who made small loans. But it at least helps to know that you and another poster pointed out that their intention was good, but just couldn't deliver. I hated feeling that I was just being used, but after some of these posts I don't anymore. I don't regret loaning (giving) the money. I do feel bad that both of us feel bad now, and in the future I won't loan anyone money; if they are in need and I feel it is justified I will just GIVE it to them and tell them they can "pay it forward" when they can.
I'm glad you don't feel used anymore. I have been in your shoes and lost friends in the process. If you think she has possibilities as a friend I would have a talk with her. Tell her to pay you when she can or as you say "pay it forward" . Since she owes you money I doubt if she will ask to borrow more. And if she does. Then well then now you know.
Most people are not users. I think your friend did intend to pay you back. Loans like yours keep getting postponed cause there are others who absolutely will NOT wait. AEP aint playing. They will turn off your lights if you don't pay. And your land lord will toss your butt.
We've lent money to friends and co-workers over the years. Never got burnt.
Loaned money to 2 relatives and both delayed payments, shorted us on the amount, lots of excuses. They didn't pay us back on time, as agreed to, while simultaneously taking vacations, buying new cars, sound systems, etc.
I recently borrowed funds from a friend, under his insistence, since we had no food. But I paid him back.. one payday later than I thought, but I made sure that debt got paid. I do owe him quite a bit of money from a loan from a couple months ago that was life-saving as well, and we've discussed repayment up front for when I am "able".
It weighs on me. It was necessary, but I hate owing a friend, even if he understands completely. He's even told me to ask if I need more, but I've told him he has done more than enough and I will not ask for more. He's a true friend and I won't destroy that.
It's hard when you are the one owing. You feel bad about the need for the loan to begin with, then about having to ask. Then being unable to repay because even though you work your behind off, bad things keep happening that require immediate payment, like emergency rooms and urgent cares and blood tests (for example).
I'm glad you don't feel used anymore, OP. If I were your lendee, it would certainly be that you were not used. Then again, I would have made sure to talk to you, no matter my terrible feelings about my own inadequacy, because that's not what friends do in my world. I could see someone feeling trapped and feeling unable to bring themselves to do that, though.
Just to give a bit of background, my need for extra funds has only been a somewhat recent occurrence. Previously, I was the lender.. made quite a few to friends and family. I helped pay down bills, even bought a family member a house. One of them came through for me when this very trying time hit for my family, which was nice and I was very grateful - but it would not have hurt our friendship if they could not have done so. I try to keep money and friendship separate.
You are very kind to have given your friend/acquaintance the money. They may surprise you
I recently borrowed funds from a friend, under his insistence, since we had no food. But I paid him back.. one payday later than I thought, but I made sure that debt got paid. I do owe him quite a bit of money from a loan from a couple months ago that was life-saving as well, and we've discussed repayment up front for when I am "able".
It weighs on me. It was necessary, but I hate owing a friend, even if he understands completely. He's even told me to ask if I need more, but I've told him he has done more than enough and I will not ask for more. He's a true friend and I won't destroy that.
It's hard when you are the one owing. You feel bad about the need for the loan to begin with, then about having to ask. Then being unable to repay because even though you work your behind off, bad things keep happening that require immediate payment, like emergency rooms and urgent cares and blood tests (for example).
I'm glad you don't feel used anymore, OP. If I were your lendee, it would certainly be that you were not used. Then again, I would have made sure to talk to you, no matter my terrible feelings about my own inadequacy, because that's not what friends do in my world. I could see someone feeling trapped and feeling unable to bring themselves to do that, though.
Just to give a bit of background, my need for extra funds has only been a somewhat recent occurrence. Previously, I was the lender.. made quite a few to friends and family. I helped pay down bills, even bought a family member a house. One of them came through for me when this very trying time hit for my family, which was nice and I was very grateful - but it would not have hurt our friendship if they could not have done so. I try to keep money and friendship separate.
You are very kind to have given your friend/acquaintance the money. They may surprise you
Thank you so much for your heart-warming post. It was great to have the "view from the other side." You sound like a person of character, and I am sure that is why your friend loaned you money. I do know unexpected things can happen, and like I said, I gave this person money because I really don't think she had enough money to eat for the week. I am sure she feels bad, and when I see her again I am going to give her a hug and kiss and make sure she knows I still care about her and that everything is OK, as far as we are concerned. It really helps getting everyone's perspective on this.
I have had that happen to me, loaning money to a friend, only to have them avoid me or not hear from them again. I have friends that have experienced the same thing. I think it is something that happens to many of us so you are not alone. You sound like a caring person, wanting to help. I would just let it go and next time remember what another poster said here, if you cannot afford to lose it, don't lend it. If you feel strongly compelled to help someone financially in the future, make sure you can part with the amount with no problem before considering it (as you said it was a small amount) and look at it more as a gift rather than a loan. If you get paid back, great, if not.....it was a gift.
Banks won't lend things without collateral. Everyone should do that. If you'd taken his stereo system as collaterol, I'm betting the money would have come back pretty quickly.
I learned that loaning money to my kids was not a good idea. Either give it to them, or don't. They won't pay back a loan after the first payment. I did with my parents, but they played the guilt card so much that we actually got a bank loan and gave them the money.
I won't really be asking advice here, just relating something that happened and feeling disappointed. There is someone I have known about a year, mostly an acquaintance that grew into what I thought was friendship (I will refer to as "X"). Last month this person was struggling financially and asked to borrow a small amount of money from me, and promised me I would be paid back. I was taken by surprise a bit by this request (we don't really know each other very well) but loaned X the money. Mind you, when I loan anyone money it is only for very small amounts, and I do so with the idea that it is a gift and if I get paid back that is just a bonus. So "X" made a big deal about getting my phone # so that I could be contacted when the money could be repaid (it was supposed to be on the next payday).
A month went by with no word and now I ran into "X" today. No mention was made of the money, so I brought it up, I wanted to see what "X" would say. Of course there were many excuses, and again I know "X" is struggling to make ends meet, but I said "Look, it wasn't the money, because when I lent it to you, I figured it was a gift. But what hurts me is that I was led to believe we were friends, with a certain amount of true caring there, and that I would have appreciated at least a phone call or attempt to at least acknowledge it. I won't go into "X" response, it doesn't matter, because I see how it really is now.
I feel very let down today, but the biggest disappointment of all is NOT that I didn't get the money back - I don't care about the money at all. No I am disappointed in myself, because I believed this person was a friend, true to their word, and I am usually not wrong about people. There is nothing that will kill a friendship faster than lending (or borrowing) money to or from a friend and then it never even gets acknowledged. Again, even if "X" had attempted to pay me back I would have refused, saying it was a gift. I am usually a somewhat jaded person who tends not to get suckered in by anyone, but some people are just good at it I guess, and I am feeling a bit "suckered" today.
Thanks for listening, going to take a bike ride and contemplate now.
You loaned someone money that didn't have your phone number?
Call it a gift up front next time because that's shady and then you won't feel bad.
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