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Your parents were so opposed to the person that you were dated that they sent you to a new state to keep you separated.
Has it occurred to you that perhaps they know something about him that you don't see? Why were they so opposed to him? Was it his age? Or did they suspect that he was abusive or controlling? Or what?
Is this the first person that you ever seriously dated? If it is than how in the world would you know how they compare to other men? What do you think that he will be like in 10 years? 20 years? 40 years? Does he have a good job now? Will he have a good career in the future? Will he be a loving, caring father if you have children? What is your child is handicapped? Would he still be a loving caring father? If something really bad happened, like you become disabled or develop cancer and cannot work anymore, would he stick by you and care for you? What if something happened to him, perhaps he became physical disabled in a car accident, would you be able to support the two of you, and your children on your salary, while still being his caregiver? Yes, there are many things to consider.
Last edited by germaine2626; 10-02-2016 at 01:32 AM..
If you have already graduated are you working full time trying to save up enough money to support yourself or are going to college? It can be pretty expensive to pay for rent, food, utilities, insurance, clothes and everything else that you need to survive. Before you even think about moving back be sure that you have a good enough job that you can support yourself.
True love waits. A few years does not make a difference in the long run if it is actual love.
My husband and I never even lived in the same city until we were married, eight years after we started dating. In fact, we lived in different states for several years. We have now been married for almost 40 years. The years of separation actually made our love grow stronger.
If a few years, and a few states away in distance, cause you to break up it really was not love.
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626
If you really think that you can support your self, make a budget, including everything that you need, rent, utilities, health insurance, clothes, food, etc. etc. I bet that you will be surprised at how much you will need even in a low cost of living area.
I am certain that I can do everything you just described. I have been doing similar things to all of those since I was in 6th grade. I have provided for myself since then. Those things will not be an issue for me.
Your parents were so opposed to the person that you were dated that they sent you to a new state to keep you separated.
Has it occurred to you that perhaps they know something about him that you don't see? Why were they so opposed to him? Was it his age? Or did they suspect that he was abusive or controlling? Or what?
Is this the first person that you ever seriously dated? If it is than how in the world would you know how they compare to other men? What do you think that he will be like in 10 years? 20 years? 40 years? Does he have a good job now? Will he have a good career in the future? Will he be a loving, caring father if you have children? What is your child is handicapped? Would he still be a loving caring father? If something really bad happened, like you become disabled or develop cancer and cannot work anymore, would he stick by you and care for you? What if something happened to him, perhaps he became physical disabled in a car accident, would you be able to support the two of you, and your children on your salary, while still being his caregiver? Yes, there are many things to consider.
My parents sent me away because they found out that my boyfriend and I had had sex. My dad is a pastor and this goes against everything he stands for. I've sat down with my parents and looked into my boyfriend, there is nothing they know about him that I do not. In fact, I know a lot more than they do.
No, he is not the first person that I have seriously dated. I had one boyfriend for a a year, another for 2 years, and another for 1 year. I have plenty to compare him to. Yes, he has an excellent job right now, and yes,he will be able to support me and a family when the time comes. I know that he will be a loving and caring father because he already has a daughter, and I know what they are like together. If something were to ever happen to him, I would be working and will hopefully have finished college with an excellent job. So yes, I have thought all of this through many many times. But thank you for your concern.
You're contradicting yourself in your posts. In one you say you've been working and going to school in Chicago. In another you say you can't work until you're 18 in Chicago, for which there is no legal reason btw. In another you say you're working part-time for the past year and a half. Which is it?
There are so many red flags here that indicate this is a terrible idea.
A man, with a child, proposing to a 17 year old indicates a lot about his character and maturity, or lack of both. How much child support does he pay every month? How often does he see this child? What were the circumstances of the birth of this child? Has he been married previously? He didn't stay with the mother of his child. What makes you think he'll stay with you long term? Are you prepared to support this child? If you marry or live with this man your future income will be used to do so indirectly. How did you meet this man? How old is he?
Also according to your timeline you've been dating since you were 12 or 13. I'm sorry but dating as a young teen is meaningless when it comes to grown-up marriages and relationships. Going from one boyfriend to the next at that age doesn't give one time to fully understand one's self and to mature without depending on another.
You also said you will "hopefully finish college with an excellent job." What exactly is your plan for doing so? Will this man support you furthering your education? And how will he do so?
You seem to have conveniently ignored the post that indicates the legal age in Nebraska is 19.
This is going to be harsh, but it's true. You seem to think you're very mature for your age. In actuality your posts indicate otherwise. A truly mature person doesn't just leap into a bad situation and claim they are certain it will work out. A mature person asks questions and acknowledges that there are potential pitfalls. A mature person understands there are things he/she does not know. For example, if you came here and asked, "What haven't I thought about?, What problems might be encountered?" that would show me that you are more mature than asking, (and ignoring the answer), "Is this legal?" A mature person seriously considers the advice of others instead of brushing it aside and arguing it all away.
Normally I wouldn't agree with your parents' decision to move you away from a problem, but part of me certainly does in this case.
Finally, as another wise poster said, "True love waits."
My parents sent me away because they found out that my boyfriend and I had had sex. My dad is a pastor and this goes against everything he stands for. I've sat down with my parents and looked into my boyfriend, there is nothing they know about him that I do not. In fact, I know a lot more than they do.
No, he is not the first person that I have seriously dated. I had one boyfriend for a a year, another for 2 years, and another for 1 year. I have plenty to compare him to. Yes, he has an excellent job right now, and yes,he will be able to support me and a family when the time comes. I know that he will be a loving and caring father because he already has a daughter, and I know what they are like together. If something were to ever happen to him, I would be working and will hopefully have finished college with an excellent job. So yes, I have thought all of this through many many times. But thank you for your concern.
Come on, two 12 year old "dating" are not a mature adult relationship. Dating a 13 or 14 year old boy is not like one adult dating another adult. Sheesh!
How old is this guy? How long after his divorce did you start dating? Or were you dating and sleeping with a married man? Or did he just get someone pregnant and then leave her? Wow, I can see where your parents might dislike this guy and think that he is a bad influence.
You talk about college, how are you going to pay for college?
Dear Faith,
You won't be a legal adult in Nebraska until you are 19. It sounds like you have had an over-protected childhood in a very religious family. That's a lot to work out!
Keep going to work and school, and enjoy your independence.
You will find your way.
I wish you the very best life has to offer.
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