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Old 10-06-2016, 11:49 AM
 
Location: East Midlands, UK
715 posts, read 263,690 times
Reputation: 1598

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Here's a question: would you rather have no friends or friends you have little or nothing in common with? Are you the kind of person that needs to have a squad around you constantly or can you be your own best friend?

I ask because I have a dilemma. For some reason, most of the few friends I have are in their early-mid 20's, including my 2 roommates. I feel like I can't connect with them on any level and I'm staring to think that I'd be better off without them. They aren't malicious in any way, but we've nothing in common. I find that as I've gotten older, I can't fake it anymore and I find myself feeling lonely among such people

Anyway, I'd be interested to hear other people's perspectives.
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Old 10-06-2016, 11:55 AM
 
Location: southwestern PA
20,419 posts, read 37,664,790 times
Reputation: 39054
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazy-Cat-Lady View Post
Here's a question: would you rather have no friends or friends you have little or nothing in common with?
Neither.
Seriously.

I LIKE having friends, and I LIKE doing things with them.

No friends would not be a choice I would make, even though I am comfortable in my own skin.
I don't need a "squad" as you put it, but it is nice to have people to share life events with.

As for your option 2 - " friends you have little or nothing in common with"... I cannot relate at all.
If we have nothing in common, I fail to see how we can be friends. They are merely acquaintances, or people I know.

How about a third choice... make new friends with whom you ARE comfortable and with whom you DO have common interests.
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Old 10-06-2016, 12:02 PM
 
Location: Portal to the Pacific
5,161 posts, read 5,103,537 times
Reputation: 6363
I don't have much in common with people I find. It's a cultural thing. I was raised in the Deep South but my parents come from recent immigrants, including German Jews. I was just different... still am... and to make it worse I'm an introvert.

I think social sciences have also demonstrated that one has less friends as they get older. Jobs and family and other adult commitments become more and more concerning.

I see a lot of this on the Seattle board.. younger people complaining that it's hard to meet new people or make friends with the people they've met, but even amongst people I know (women in their upper 30's and 40's) it's still a problem. There is a lot of disconnection and a sense of isolation. I have had women who tell me they're lonely even as they post pictures of themselves having a girls' night out.

It's not just you!
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Old 10-06-2016, 12:08 PM
 
Location: East Midlands, UK
715 posts, read 263,690 times
Reputation: 1598
Quote:
Originally Posted by flyingsaucermom View Post
I don't have much in common with people I find. It's a cultural thing. I was raised in the Deep South but my parents come from recent immigrants, including German Jews. I was just different... still am... and to make it worse I'm an introvert.

I think social sciences have also demonstrated that one has less friends as they get older. Jobs and family and other adult commitments become more and more concerning.

I see a lot of this on the Seattle board.. younger people complaining that it's hard to meet new people or make friends with the people they've met, but even amongst people I know (women in their upper 30's and 40's) it's still a problem. There is a lot of disconnection and a sense of isolation. I have had women who tell me they're lonely even as they post pictures of themselves having a girls' night out.

It's not just you!
Thank you

I think it definitely gets harder as you get older. And I feel like people in their early 20's basically exist on another planet. I am stuck with them for now, but once I move out of here I doubt we will keep in touch much.
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Old 10-06-2016, 12:18 PM
 
Location: southwestern PA
20,419 posts, read 37,664,790 times
Reputation: 39054
Quote:
Originally Posted by flyingsaucermom View Post
I see a lot of this on the Seattle board.. younger people complaining that it's hard to meet new people or make friends with the people they've met
The "Seattle Freeze" is well known and well documented!

Last edited by Pitt Chick; 10-06-2016 at 12:37 PM.. Reason: spelling
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Old 10-06-2016, 12:35 PM
 
17,002 posts, read 20,686,468 times
Reputation: 33993
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazy-Cat-Lady View Post
Here's a question: would you rather have no friends or friends you have little or nothing in common with? Are you the kind of person that needs to have a squad around you constantly or can you be your own best friend?

I ask because I have a dilemma. For some reason, most of the few friends I have are in their early-mid 20's, including my 2 roommates. I feel like I can't connect with them on any level and I'm staring to think that I'd be better off without them. They aren't malicious in any way, but we've nothing in common. I find that as I've gotten older, I can't fake it anymore and I find myself feeling lonely among such people

Anyway, I'd be interested to hear other people's perspectives.

Well you don't say how old you are but it sounds like you're not in your 20s. So of course you're not going to have much in common, that's kind of a given.

Look to activities you enjoy, maybe a book club. You will find people who have common interests.

Volunteering for a cause(you like cats, how about a shelter?) will put you in contact with people who have similar interests as yourself.
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Old 10-06-2016, 12:36 PM
 
Location: San Francisco, California
1,953 posts, read 5,208,200 times
Reputation: 2294
I prefer no friends better than friends with people I have nothing in common with, I wont even accept a friend on any discussion forums, I always decline.

I guess I like the freedom of having no connections, being able to just blend in or fade away at any time

having lots of friends / acquaintances seems to be related to childhood behavior? when your in public schools your forced to be around people in a similar situation, same age group, etc

but as you age and grow out of juvenile / young adult / then mature adult , I think people naturally have less need for all the casual acquaintances they had when they were younger, they kind of grow out of it and become more independent

If a person never really had a lot of friends, it's easy not having them later in life, your already use to it, or you may just be a natural "introvert" type, so it all feels normal.

People that use to be really active and associate with groups or do a lot of socializing when they were young will have a much harder time adjusting to the more independent lifestyle.
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Old 10-06-2016, 12:40 PM
 
6,040 posts, read 4,438,480 times
Reputation: 16753
I know I'm maybe reading between the lines more than I am answering your exact question....

I don't need or want a posse around me solely to ward off loneliness or, more accurately, just 'being alone' which is not the same as being lonely.

I like meeting new people, and enjoy when they become friends.

If someone doesn't click with me a couple of times, I feel no guilt or regret not trying again and again.
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Old 10-06-2016, 02:08 PM
 
9,585 posts, read 8,889,712 times
Reputation: 5814
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazy-Cat-Lady View Post
Here's a question: would you rather have no friends or friends you have little or nothing in common with? Are you the kind of person that needs to have a squad around you constantly or can you be your own best friend?

I ask because I have a dilemma. For some reason, most of the few friends I have are in their early-mid 20's, including my 2 roommates. I feel like I can't connect with them on any level and I'm staring to think that I'd be better off without them. They aren't malicious in any way, but we've nothing in common. I find that as I've gotten older, I can't fake it anymore and I find myself feeling lonely among such people

Anyway, I'd be interested to hear other people's perspectives.
How in hell can you be friends with someone you have nothing in common with?

Not even a question..they are both the same thing.
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Old 10-06-2016, 02:12 PM
 
17,002 posts, read 20,686,468 times
Reputation: 33993
Quote:
Originally Posted by jp03 View Post
How in hell can you be friends with someone you have nothing in common with?

Not even a question..they are both the same thing.
Exactly, the reason you're drawn to people in the first place is due to commonalities. You may find some people interesting due to their "uniqueness", but at the end of the day there has to be some common ground.

There must be some activities that you both enjoy doing.
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