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Old 10-28-2016, 09:35 PM
 
17 posts, read 43,181 times
Reputation: 35

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You are young. As you have more life experiences you might come to a better understanding of your mother's actions. Then again, maybe not. But she is your mom. Be upset, vent in a healthy manner, tell her how you feel and then leave it alone. She raised her children, now let her live her life, however reckless it might seem to you. If you need to maintain some distance for your own emotional well being, do that for a time. But don't hold on to bitter feelings. That would not be good or healthy for either one of you.
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Old 10-28-2016, 10:08 PM
 
6,438 posts, read 6,893,197 times
Reputation: 8742
Quote:
Originally Posted by convextech View Post
He has a SO; it's the same thing.
No, it's not. Are you serious? That's why people get married, to pledge fidelity to one another.
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Old 10-28-2016, 11:05 PM
 
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,691 posts, read 41,629,721 times
Reputation: 41324
Quote:
Originally Posted by Larry Siegel View Post
No, it's not. Are you serious? That's why people get married, to pledge fidelity to one another.
The idea is a committed relationship for both. One is legally binding, one is not. That is the only difference.
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Old 10-28-2016, 11:34 PM
 
Location: Eugene, Oregon
11,119 posts, read 5,562,262 times
Reputation: 16596
Your mother did all this. You didn't and neither did anyone else in your family. It should be your mother's business and responsibility. You wouldn't like it if she tried to tell you who you could see, so don't do it to her. Don't allow that vengeful woman-friend of the tour guide to drag you into it. Block all her attempts to access any of your online accounts.
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Old 10-29-2016, 01:45 AM
 
Location: Long Neck , DE
4,903 posts, read 4,199,706 times
Reputation: 8095
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
OP, you are giving your mom far more grace in this situation than I would. I wouldn't say a word to her until she ended the affair and made good with my dad. You have legit reasoning to be p$&@ed at her and the fact she is dragging you into her business makes it even worse.
Mom has had an on going affair. How good she possibly make good with Dad after that?
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Old 10-29-2016, 02:43 AM
 
530 posts, read 665,316 times
Reputation: 516
You and your siblings are involved in one of those situations that frequently ends in a smoking train wreck. Your mother is living her life as she sees fit. Each of you has an opinion about what has taken place and is continuing to take place. If you allow this situation to be a topic of conversation between you and your siblings, it will damage your relationships with each other. Declare this topic closed and do not allow it to hassle you. While that may very well be extremely difficult, it is an alternative to what is taking place now which is to allow one person to enmesh so many others in a lose lose situation.
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Old 10-29-2016, 04:32 AM
 
9,952 posts, read 6,625,076 times
Reputation: 19656
Quote:
Originally Posted by convextech View Post
I was talking about the scorned woman contacting them on Facebook. That the mother obviously has no care in the world how her affair is affecting her children is telling. "Just block her," she says.

Of course, I would absolutely stay out of it, but assuming my mother brought me into, I would certainly have my say, just so she knows where she 'sits' with me. I've never cheated on my husband and I don't condone it from anyone else.
How is it the mom's fault that the scorned woman is contacting the kids on Facebook? We don't really even have enough information from the OP's post to know how long/serious the OP's mom's love interest's relationship was with the scorned woman.

I've been stalked by a scorned woman before and I had no romantic interest in the guy whatsoever. She'd hacked into his email account and gotten my information to contact me. According to the guy, they'd only dated 6 months (if that long). She probably did that with every other woman she thought could be a love interest and it wasn't even that serious of a relationship. Other women might very well have been married, for all I know.

The point is that some scorned women (especially this one) seem to be crazy. There is nothing that the OP can do on his end but block her. It seems like the parents' marriage is over and they are divorced now. It's not acceptable that she cheated, but if the mom really does have a connection with the guy in question, I don't see why she can't continue the relationship if the divorce has occurred. It's not like anyone is fooled at this point.
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Old 10-29-2016, 06:57 AM
 
Location: Haiku
7,132 posts, read 4,749,557 times
Reputation: 10327
The OP story sounds like a Woody Allen movie.

I am not sure I see the big deal here. People change, fall out of love, fall in love with others. It just happens, it is part of being human. I don't see how you can fault your mom for being happy.
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Old 10-29-2016, 07:23 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
19,480 posts, read 25,056,304 times
Reputation: 51113
Regarding the SO disagreement---is it or is it not the same as being married.

IMHO, it depends on the couple. To some couples it is very similar to the commitment of being married and to others it only means that they have been dating for a while.

I have a much younger friend that absolutely hates the terms "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" because it seemed "like the couple were still in HS and not adults". He would introduce women that he had only dated a few times as "his SO". He said that was very common with his friends that were the same age (late 20s, early to mid 30s). I don't know if that is common or not but after being introduced to dozens of his & his friend's "SOs" over the years they certainly don't/didn't consider having a SO the same as being a married couple. Now that he is married, it is pretty clear that his commitment to his wife is far, far stronger than his commitment to any of his previous Significant Others.
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Old 10-29-2016, 07:34 AM
 
Location: Redwood City, CA
15,246 posts, read 12,889,108 times
Reputation: 54028
Quote:
Originally Posted by lm0905 View Post
Am I being unfairly cold about this whole situation?
No. You're disappointed in your mother's lack of character and the bizarre way she's behaving.

I want to applaud you for recognizing that it's not okay to hurt other people in order to gratify one's own desires. I know that is a woefully old-fashioned way to look at things -- just look at all the "Forgive her, she's your mom" advice handed out here. They should have added, "There's no fool like an old fool."

I had to laugh when I saw the "love of her life" is a tour guide. What a cliche. I expect she isn't the first fifty-ish American woman he's had a dalliance with and she certainly won't be the last. She flies over to Israel but he doesn't come here, right? What do you think might happen if she showed up unannounced?

Ask her if she's giving him money and watch her reaction.
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