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Relatives. I have a few who seem to thrive on being that way. I don't talk to them any more.
Friends. Nope. I would walk away if any tried that although I do like 'dry humour' - tone of voice may contribute a lot to how I receive a remark that on paper may seem quite out of place or rude.
Your second example just seems, if you are reporting correctly that you weren't even having a conversation about music, quite strange (for him to interject that you don't like music). How old is this man? Is it possible he may be suffering from early dementia?
If you really like these people and want to keep them as friends there is one more option you can use besides passively enduring this or aggressively dumping them.
You can try to teach them how you prefer to be spoken to. They don't need to even know you are doing this. Just ask them to clarify their comment when you start to feel that jabbing feeling. You can use a gentle tone of voice; no need to bark.
Just ask for an explanation, keep it simple and let them do the talking. If they can manage this thank them for making their need more clear to you. Rinse and repeat.
It won't take a long time of expecting them to speak straightforwardly before they will get that you don't speak that language. They call that being assertive.
Honestly, I don't think your "friends" like you too much. I am not sure the remarks they made are as much snarky as hostile.
Why not consider not spending very much time with "friends" like these?
I second that! I had a few friends like this when I was younger in my 20's.I finally felt they were not worth hanging on to anymore. Now in my 40's I'll come across one here and there and honestly, I just keep my distance. I don't have time to deal with crap like that! Friends don't talk to other friends that way and I'm too old to deal with it! Not in high school anymore!
Last edited by CGab; 11-12-2016 at 05:27 PM..
Reason: add
Location: In a rural place where people can't bother me ;)
516 posts, read 429,417 times
Reputation: 1009
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
I had one that would occasionally make condescending jabs and snarky comments. She's no longer my friend. These people are not your friends, OP. Life is too short for this kind of stuff.
We spent several days recently with some visiting friends who made a number of "snarky" remarks to me. Do your friends do that? We were in the car driving with them to see a historic landmark. It was a couple of hours away and since all of us were from out of town, I had researched a couple of restaurants where we could eat afterward. I was discussing the locations of the restaurants with DH, who was driving, when the woman of the couple blurted out to me from the back seat, "You think too much."
Then another day during the visit, we were in a nice restaurant and out of the blue, in a loud voice, the husband says to me, "You don't like music." Huh? We hadn't been talking abiut music, and I've never said that. I don't care for jazz or blues (apparently his favorites), but I like other kinds of music.
There were about five other instances during their visit when they made snarky remarks to me. It was so odd. They have never acted like this before.
Do your friends make snarky remarks to you?
Yes, we had old friends who did that to me constantly. In my own house she criticized how I organized my kitchen, what I had on the walls, and numerous other things. Never invited her back. Why would I put up with that in my own house? Haven't been to her house either. Spending time with them just isn't worth the snarks and put downs.
I don't hang out with people who are snarky.
It's tiring and so negative.
I don't even care if they are not being snarky towards me...I just don't like snark.
We might occasionally rib each other.
But snark is only occasionally funny on tv and pretty much never in real life.
Your second example just seems, if you are reporting correctly that you weren't even having a conversation about music, quite strange (for him to interject that you don't like music). How old is this man? Is it possible he may be suffering from early dementia?
I wondered, also, if the snarkiness could be the beginning of dementia. The man was 73.
A couple of days before the "You don't like music," comment, he and DH were talking about jazz and blues at the restaurant lunch table. I was not part of the conversation and was talking to the wife. However, I heard DH say he didn't like jazz. After that snippet, I interjected mildly as an aside that I didn't like jazz or blues. That was all I said. He seemed to remember that I made that remark and two days later took the opportunity to blast at me that I "didn't like music." If was as if that I didn't like jazz or blues was an affront to him. Another poster mentioned intellectional snobbery as a reason for sarcasm. I wonder if he thinks he's better than me (and others) because he apparently does like jazz and blues.
The interesting part is that they weren't snarky to DH, only to me. Was it because I am a woman? Or because much of the time DH was driving? I also wonder if they both thought they were being humorous with their snarky comments. I'm never treated this way by anyone else. I definitely felt a hostile vibe.
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