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My sister is very toxic. Cut her out of the family several years ago. She wanted back and Dad didn't want family strife. The rest of the family wasn't so sure it was a smart move, but ok ... give her a chance. Mom was hesitant too.
But oh she apologized profusely!! I need my family... I miss my family ... i love my family... blah blah blah blah...
We really thought she did change. She was nice and helpful, She even cut back on her Rx habit. It didn't last but a few months. Mom and Dad's health failed and eventually passed away. All she wanted was their stuff. I have never seen a more manipulative person in my life.
In the end, We... as her family... means nothing to her. She is so enveloped in her own toxicity she can't see it.. She will not change. It's her personality. NOTHING we can do will change that. The rest of the family now is very close knit. She is now alone with no one except her daughter which has been drawn into her toxicity. (The nut don't fall far from the tree.)
I am sorry that I gave her a second chance. I should have known better. I feel suckered. The stress and hurt that she put the family through during the passing of our parents is hard to take. We all have now told her to NEVER contact us in any way. And I will call the police if she comes near me or my family. I feel so much better since. Just because they share genes doesn't make them family.
I feel there's a reason that toxic person is no longer in my life and I would not welcome that type of behavior back. Do people change? Sometimes yes and sometimes no. But now that I'm older and with a family I just don't have time for that type of nonsense in my life and I certainly don't want that around my children. In my opinion, better to leave well enough alone.
The only people whom that might apply to would be my sister and her husband, and I'm not exactly holding my breath about either one of them changing.....especially regarding the reasons they aren't part of my life anymore.
I've had two people try. I didn't make a big deal out of it, I just refused to respond.
You know those "housing wanted" ads on Craigslist where the person advertising is broke and can't come up with the full rent. They say, "We're desperate. We'll work in exchange for rent. No, we don't have family or friends." They do have them -- they've just burned through them all with their irresponsible, entitled behavior and now no one will even talk to them any more.
I have never had luck with this in my life, and I'm 60 now. I think people fundamentally stay the same. The package or the circumstances might have changed, but my experience is that they will still have the same basic behavior that they had in the past. Time will show, for instance, that a person who was a self-centered partier in college, may no longer party, but will still over-book their time or call you when they need expert advice from you, but then never have time for you otherwise, etc. Different package, same self-centered person.
I had a best friend that I grew up with. We had many great memories together and good times. But I grew up in a toxic household and took out my anxiety/stress on her as she was the closest person in my life. She cut contact with me without warning because she couldn't take it anymore and so four years later, I told her how sorry I was, how I deeply regretted my actions and how much I've changed since I moved out and graduated college. She seemed to be happy for me and said she wanted to meet up and said she missed me/sad about how much she has missed in my life over the years. She then cut me off the next morning and said she is not ready. I don't know what I did wrong but feel like the closest family member in my life killed me off. And I promise I am not a bad person, I have a really big heart and I just didn't know how to healthily channel my emotions back then, and she was like a sister to me so I told her everything. I just miss her so damn bad and regret everything.
Some bridges with a toxic person are burned down for good reasons and should never be rebuilt. I'm not talking about anyone you just have an argument with and both are mad. I'm talking about toxic, venomous, manipulative people
My sister is very toxic. Cut her out of the family several years ago. She wanted back and Dad didn't want family strife. The rest of the family wasn't so sure it was a smart move, but ok ... give her a chance. Mom was hesitant too.
But oh she apologized profusely!! I need my family... I miss my family ... i love my family... blah blah blah blah...
We really thought she did change. She was nice and helpful, She even cut back on her Rx habit. It didn't last but a few months. Mom and Dad's health failed and eventually passed away. All she wanted was their stuff. I have never seen a more manipulative person in my life.
In the end, We... as her family... means nothing to her. She is so enveloped in her own toxicity she can't see it.. She will not change. It's her personality. NOTHING we can do will change that. The rest of the family now is very close knit. She is now alone with no one except her daughter which has been drawn into her toxicity. (The nut don't fall far from the tree.)
I am sorry that I gave her a second chance. I should have known better. I feel suckered. The stress and hurt that she put the family through during the passing of our parents is hard to take. We all have now told her to NEVER contact us in any way. And I will call the police if she comes near me or my family. I feel so much better since. Just because they share genes doesn't make them family.
Unfortunately, that is what happens.
Toxic people I simply stay away from whenever possible.
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