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If I gave a young relative or friend advice and she suggested I was sexist for doing so:
1. That would be the last time I gave her advice
2. I'd be less inclined to spend time with her in the future
Life's way too short for this crap. Assume the best of people rather than the worst and life will be a lot more enjoyable both for you and the people you know.
My sentiments exactly!
There is more I would like to say, but why risk damaging the OP's tender feelings?
No, it just isn't worth it.
I'm guessing he offered his advice because you asked for it??? So his professional observation of you is that even though you are a woman , what you are undertaking May be over your head( not sexist, just too technical) is too difficult for you. Which is why he suggested your dad to help??
If you can figure it out on your own why would he offer his advice??
Just sayin'
Nothing to do with you being female, he thinks your a dope and you can't handle it lol. Gooduck, your being way too insensitive to constructive criticism .
Last edited by grouse789; 11-15-2016 at 08:05 PM..
Reason: Spelling
Who the hell checks how much electricity an appliance uses? The big ones have a yellow tag with the annual estimated cost. Smaller ones, get what you need. I've never tried to figure out how electricity is consumed. It's a waste of time.
To make a long story short, a male relative that I see a few times a year said something I find offensive and annoying in an email he wrote to me. It may not be a big deal to a lot of you, but it is to me. He basically indicated that I should check with my father on how much electricity a potential new appliance would use so I can determine whether it's cost effective or not. Basically, he's suggesting that as a woman, I am not capable of calculating the kWh the appliance will use and how much it will cost to run it per year. I find that offensive. This is 2016, not 1940. Women are very capable of doing anything a man can do. In fact, I do several home repairs myself and probably know more about tools than this male relative. I'm actually suprised at him. I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it, but I expected more from a 50 year old<snip> man. I thought he would be liberated enough not to think like that. Even my 80 year old uncle knows better than that.
I'm supposed to respond back to this relative, but I cannot bring myself to do so without mentioning that what he said was offensive to me. So my choices are to ignore the email or find a way to politely tell him I was offended.
Suggestions? The email was sent five days ago and I'm still annoyed by it. I usually get over stuff pretty quickly.
Was he responding to an email from you, asking for advice? Or was he offering advice on his own? In either case, if he is someone who is a generally kind person, and doesn't have a history of trying to intentionally annoy you, I think you should let this go. In fact, I think it's ridiculous, frankly, that you're taking this level of offense.
Last edited by Miss Blue; 11-16-2016 at 06:25 AM..
To make a long story short, a male relative that I see a few times a year said something I find offensive and annoying in an email he wrote to me. It may not be a big deal to a lot of you, but it is to me. He basically indicated that I should check with my father on how much electricity a potential new appliance would use so I can determine whether it's cost effective or not. Basically, he's suggesting that as a woman, I am not capable of calculating the kWh the appliance will use and how much it will cost to run it per year. I find that offensive. This is 2016, not 1940. Women are very capable of doing anything a man can do. In fact, I do several home repairs myself and probably know more about tools than this male relative. I'm actually suprised at him. I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it, but I expected more from a 50 year old man. I thought he would be liberated enough not to think like that. Even my 80 year old uncle knows better than that.
I'm supposed to respond back to this relative, but I cannot bring myself to do so without mentioning that what he said was offensive to me. So my choices are to ignore the email or find a way to politely tell him I was offended.
Suggestions? The email was sent five days ago and I'm still annoyed by it. I usually get over stuff pretty quickly.
Yes, quit being so easily offended.
Save if for when someone really insults you.
Good grief.
Don't know hold you are, but you're going to have a rough time in life if you stew over something like this for days.
Last edited by Miss Blue; 11-16-2016 at 06:25 AM..
Yeah, I can understand how you'd not appreciate the implication (intended or unintended) that a man is needed for this type of knowledge. But you say you don't think he meant anything by it and you're still so pissed 5 days later you can't respond to an email? Just respond and say "No worries, I've actually got that covered!" or something else that lightheartedly (since you say he wasn't intentionally being sexist) informs him that you can handle this yourself. If you're so upset that won't work for you, then just tell him you felt insulted that he thought you'd need to talk to your dad about this because that makes you think he thinks women aren't as capable as men in this area. He'll probably be confused (because he wasn't thinking that), but you can say your piece if you want to. Stewing about it and letting it impact you for almost a week now is a really stupid thing to do, Imo, so take care of it one way or another and move on.
Last edited by Miss Blue; 11-16-2016 at 06:27 AM..
But he apparently doesn't think he's discriminating against anyone and from what I can tell he didn't use any "offensive or derogatory comments"
Yes, I know. That's what I mean...he didn't stop to think about whether assuming she's a stereotype might be offensive. When there have probably been stereotypical assumptions made regarding him at some point.
Example: I was in Home Depot looking at door casing once. There was such an array...I didn't know which kind I needed. So I was looking at them for a long time. Standing next to me was a tall (really good looking!) guy. He said to me, after seeing me just standing there looking at the casing for a while, he said, "I don't mean to insult you or anything, but do you need some help with something?" And I did! He helped me choose the right casing. I was so grateful to him, but I also noticed that he was being careful not to offend me...it's hard being a man sometimes these days, I guess.
Suggestions? The email was sent five days ago and I'm still annoyed by it.
Some how I doubt you get over petty things like you believe that you do, if such a minor issue still has you steamed after 5 days.
Given that much time, most people realize that life is full of much bigger and more significant issues.
It sounds to me like you might have a bit of a feminist chip on your shoulder. When it comes to things women (generally speaking) do not have an aptitude for, it is understandable for people to assume XYZ. The same is true of things women typically have a better aptitude for than men, like child care. That does not mean men cannot be nannies and the like, nor should they be offended if it is assumed women are generally more knowledgeable than they are.
So yes, this was likely not a condescending email, nor intended to slight you. Much to do about nothing is my assumption.
Pick up the phone and call him. Jokingly say something like "you think just because I'm a girl I can't figure it out on my own?"
Also FYI you will hear comments like this your whole life. You need to develop some tougher skin. Everybody hears mildly offensive things throughout their life. I'm guilty of saying them myself. But I say what is only my mind. He might not realize he offended you.
I find that emails and text can come across differently than intended. Pick up the phone and call him!
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