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Old 03-01-2008, 05:48 PM
 
Location: Alexandria, VA
10,281 posts, read 18,342,263 times
Reputation: 13463

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Thanks Adream - I was being a bit facetious/just kidding... some threads die a natural death.

Anyway, DogLover - send a message if you are in the area, maybe we can meet for lunch or something at a mall or whatever. I'm really not a desperate person and hope I don't come across that way - I'm actually pretty outgoing... might be interesting though to get together w/someone else from another area originally and see what their impressions of the area are.
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Old 03-01-2008, 06:13 PM
 
Location: Wirral, UK
37 posts, read 132,515 times
Reputation: 46
I live in the UK so cannot say what US is like, but if you like animals why don't you do some volunteer work down at your local animal shelter. You will find it very rewarding, you might meet like minded people, and the animals will be eternally grateful.

good luck..
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Old 03-02-2008, 09:12 PM
 
Location: Prison!
913 posts, read 2,793,914 times
Reputation: 266
Quote:
Originally Posted by doglover29 View Post
We're in DC.

Sure, I'm sad, because I would love to have at least one good friend, but at the same time I'm fed up and for some reason don't feel that pangs of lonliness anymore. That doesn't mean I wouldn't love to have a friend, it's just that I don't have the motivation I did before to make one. And no one's beating down my door to make plans with me.

I don't know if I'd say DC is cliquey, but when you move somewhere not knowing a single person, it's hard to get a foot in the door friend-wise. My husband hasn't had any luck either, and we've both been dismayed by the fact that no one at work ever laid out the welcome mat either (even a small welcome mat would have been nice, i.e. an invitation for lunch or coffee at least once).
We will try to be your mate...we in baltimore however We are in the same boat as you, we moved to Baltimore a year ago or so
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Old 03-08-2008, 04:32 AM
 
Location: NJ
8,461 posts, read 19,639,668 times
Reputation: 5253
Quote:
Originally Posted by doglover29 View Post
I'm an outgoing and chatty person, and I enjoy talking with others. At work, I like to chat with the other women but I feel that they're not very interested in me. It's disheartening. I'm tired of always being the initiator.

Today, for instance, I was chatting with one co-worker about her weekend. I always ask questions to the other person to show my interest, because I am genuinely interested. She didn't ask me about mine, and she seemed to want to get back to work. This kind of thing is always happening--I show interest in the other person and it's not reciprocated.

Maybe I need a friend coach--someone who can tell me if I'm doing something wrong when I try to make friends. Though I never had problems making friends in college or grad school, but then again, those were environments where making friends comes easily.
I doubt it's you. People are weird these days. It's everyone for themselves. Doesn't seem like anyone wants to reach out to a neighbor any more. Even if you do reach out and click, the relationship won't be what you'd like it to be.

Most people hit a certain age, marry & have kids. Some still work, some don't. People's plates are full, for the most part mine is. I don't keep many friends, one just moved another seemed to keep track of how many times I was at their house verses them at mine.

Someone mentioned gardening. You can also join the towns beautification committee or if you like roses, the rose society; master gardeners. When I was in the rose society, we were always busy; doing rose shows, conventions; someone even coordinated helping older rosarians that needed help in their gardens.

I'm thankful for the internet. There have been a few forums where I clicked with people in other states. It's nice as that's what I have time for. Sure there are days when I wish I had someone around to go shopping with me but it doesn't bother me any more.
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Old 03-03-2010, 10:29 PM
 
Location: Atlanta, GA
1 posts, read 1,565 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by movingtohouston View Post
For me I realized that where I live isn't why I am not making friends, its my inner happiness that was affecting my ability to find friends. I think people can tell when someone isn't happy with who they are and they avoid them like the plague because they don't want to deal with the drama.
WOW I can't tell you how much I needed to hear that. I'm certainly no drama queen but I do tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve. I often wondered what the heck was wrong with me. Why have I been so unsuccessful with making really close friends? To say that I'll be happy without friends would be telling myself a big fat lie. There will always be that small void of not having a close girlfriend. My husband will always be my closest and dearest friend but it's just not the same as having a female friend. I'm trying my best to heal so that it is no longer a hindrance in developing friendships.
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Old 03-04-2010, 03:57 AM
 
Location: Bradenton, Florida
27,236 posts, read 39,592,131 times
Reputation: 10890
Quote:
Originally Posted by doglover29 View Post
See, I really disagree with this statement. I think people who have that as their philosophical view take a passive approach to relationships. Personally, I think that when you go out looking for something (a relationship, a job, etc.) and you know what you want and you're working actively to get it, is when you find the best and most satisfying matches. At least it worked for me that way. I met my husband through online dating, and I had the mindset going into online dating that I was ready for a serious relationship and I knew exactly what I was looking for in a potential partner.

And I never had a satisfying job that I didn't actively work for--i.e. informational interviewing, networking, etc. The same way that you approach the job search, by actively looking and networking, etc. is the same way, in my opinion, that one should approach the search for a life partner and the search for friends. Otherwise, if you sit back and do nothing (as I'm doing now), it's less likely that you'll find what you're looking for.
I prefer to be recruited by a company who has said that they want me, instead of having the company I applty to ignore me. Same with relationships, it may take longer for me to "get the job", but at least I know that I'm valued.
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Old 03-04-2010, 04:11 AM
 
4,379 posts, read 4,150,579 times
Reputation: 1612
Quote:
Originally Posted by doglover29 View Post
It's interesting....my husband and I have lived here in our new city for a year and a half now. We moved here knowing no one.

At first, I was incredibly lonely, for the first year or so. I yearned to make some girlfriends. I went out all the time, joining groups, going to social events, etc. I put so much effort into making friends, and none of it panned out.

Now, for some odd reason, I don't feel that way anymore. I'm not sure if it's because I'm tired of all the rejection and the hard work I've put into making friendships just hasn't panned out at all. I've had some really odd experiences with female friends here. One of them dropped me for no good reason after several months of hanging out and wouldn't return my phone calls (I still have absolutely no idea what happened). Others I've gone out with a few times and we seem to have a great time and then I never hear from them again.

I haven't stopped joining groups and going to activities and events, but when we do my husband and I don't put the effort into mingling and instead just focus on the activity. Of course, we don't meet anyone that way, but at the same time we don't face the painful rejection we've faced so many times since moving here, when our interest/invitations to others were never reciprocated.

Anyhow, I have reached the point where I'm no longer lonely--not because I have friends but just because I've gotten fed up with how hard it is to make friends and for some reason I don't feel that pang of lonliness that I used to.

Here are some reasons why sometimes it's better to have no friends:

1) You don't have to compromise on doing what you want to do. If you're going out with a friend, you have to compromise on where you're going to eat, what you're going to do, etc. If you go out alone, you don't have to do that.

2) You don't have to deal with other people's drama. When you have no friends, you don't have to listen to other people whining about their lack of dates, etc. And you don't have to sit there wondering what you did when they unexpectedly drop you for no good reason.

3) You don't have to feel guilty for saying no to events you don't want to go to. If you don't have any friends, you don't have to feel guilty for saying no to their party invitation, etc.
Nothing in life is perfect. It's like saying that there should be no marriages since in all relationships there are fights occasionally.
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Old 03-04-2010, 05:02 AM
 
550 posts, read 1,057,329 times
Reputation: 336
I'm pretty much a lone wolf, hardly any friends outside of those who basicly get forced by circumbstances like playing in the same football team etc, never had a girlfriend (they basicly run for the hills when they know me too good, I really have no idea why...) But I've gotten to the point where I've learned to like the piece an quiet, The only thing that wont accept this is the sexdrive... But other than that I just feel at piece doing stuff alone... It's probably something that would drive alot of people crazy but I guess I just wanned to add to the latter perspective in the original post.
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Old 03-04-2010, 05:09 AM
 
4,454 posts, read 5,330,745 times
Reputation: 2141
Quote:
Originally Posted by doglover29 View Post
Yes. I'm looking for a friend who first and foremost has time to make a new friend. This is key. No one seems to have time to make new friends these days. They're all too crazy busy. I have lots of free time.

Second, it would be nice to find someone who wants to get together more than one every few months. I've made two acquaintances here, and that's all they have time for. That, to me, is not a friendship, and can't develop into one when you only get together with someone a few times a year. I'd like to meet someone who can meet up at least twice a month, and who would like to keep in touch once or twice a week over email.

Third, they have to be female.

That's it. I've met lots of gals here since moving here, but no friendships have blossomed.
Well sorry about your situation. Anyway perhaps you can always join a volunteer group in your area, or a charity. Anyway perhaps you do a course and that be another way to meet new people.
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Old 03-04-2010, 08:54 AM
 
3,770 posts, read 6,542,580 times
Reputation: 2619
Quote:
Originally Posted by linoni View Post
WOW I can't tell you how much I needed to hear that. I'm certainly no drama queen but I do tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve. I often wondered what the heck was wrong with me. Why have I been so unsuccessful with making really close friends? To say that I'll be happy without friends would be telling myself a big fat lie. There will always be that small void of not having a close girlfriend. My husband will always be my closest and dearest friend but it's just not the same as having a female friend. I'm trying my best to heal so that it is no longer a hindrance in developing friendships.
Well yeah. Have you ever tried talking to your husband about how a certain shade of a color does not go with the outfit? Or talk to him about certain types of makeup? My wife has tried those with me and I just roll my eyes.
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