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I simply cannot understand this. Not spending a holiday with ANY of your THREE kids... for "decades"? Do you all hate each other or something?
Sort of hilarious how you're like "omg, I can't understand this" like someone has to explain it to you in simple words. The best part is you're simultaneously like "why, my family is so close and loving, we're perfect!" and also rude as hell like "...and anyone who isn't is clearly mentally deranged."
Not only me...everyone I know would wonder about this. I have had friends who were estranged from their kids for periods of time. But not ALL their kids. I am a curious person. Family dynamics are interesting to me...so help me understand.
Anyone can wind up alone on a holiday, and it doesn't mean something is "wrong" with them!
I could never invite myself to someone's home on a Thanksgiving. If nobody offers to have you over to their home, how do you just invite yourself? I was raised to believe it's bad manners to do that, so I would wait to see if somebody offered. And often, people are too busy making plans for the holiday with their own family to think about others. If nobody offers, nobody offers. I occasionally got invited. Once I went to a co-workers home for Thanksgiving. But if nobody invited, I didn't go anywhere. Stayed home.
^^^ This. I am blessed to be heading for dinner with good long-time friends today, and just received a call from my relative who lives on the east coast - offering a possible invitation for Christmas which cannot be confirmed until Friday or Saturday (his rental is too small for guests but he may be house-sitting - keeping my fingers crossed).
Thanks for the recent rep and invitation to Florida! Much appreciated. We surely have a lot of hospitable and kindly folks on this forum. If I were not in Kentucky, I would happily meet with all who've expressed friendship.
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone, no matter how or with whom you spend the holiday.
It seems like the "unhappily alone on the holidays" people view social invitations as a one-way street.
It's not that hard to issue your own invitations and make your own plans, you know.
Yes, invitations are a one-way street in many social situations. It's not good manners to invite yourself to someone's home or to someone's dinner or party. That's just called etiquette.
Sure, you can invite people to your home on a holiday but if they have family they're going to want to be with their family that day. In fact, many people go out of town for the holiday so you may not be able to invite them.
It seems like the "unhappily alone on the holidays" people view social invitations as a one-way street.
It's not that hard to issue your own invitations and make your own plans, you know.
Sigh. You just don't get it. I have done this in previous years - wound up with a very depressed friend who could not be budged from her negativity during Christmas dinner, despite multiple efforts to change the topic, etc., plus another couple of friends who did not know one another (or the sad friend) at all. It was difficult to keep conversation going, under those circumstances. I asked several others, but they all had plans. it felt like a collection of waifs and strays, sadly, though each of these people is a good friend individually.
For the record, I entertain about three or four times a year, with around 15 or so people invited each time. I plan entertainment, provide food and drink, decorate, and do all the usual party stuff. These occasions are all well-received and well-attended. I have no problem with offering hospitality and being social, clearly. I do make my own plans for Advent ( five social events on this year's calendar thus far) plus the week between Christmas and New Year's Day - it's just Christmas Day itself that's problematic.
I threw a Farewell-to-Christmas party in mid-January a couple of years ago, after being alone and barely starting to recover from flu on Christmas Day, following being sick for over a week prior to Christmas. Neighbors and other friends came to the party - around 20; house was at capacity. Food, drink, music, and merriment. But none of these friends have inquired about my Christmas plans since then.
Just hoping the house-sitting comes through for my relative so I can travel to be with him - I cannot invite anyone to be with me here at home until that is settled. I do have several good ideas about how to spend the day alone, yet avoid loneliness - and was seeking additional positive suggestions here, not criticism and conjecture about why I may be alone that day. Thanks to those who understood that.
Suggestion: over the course of the next year, don't just focus on getting to know people who are extroverted and have large circles of friends. Get to know loners and introverts. Then, come Thanksgiving, invite them over for a small get-together or potluck (or even order out or just do chips and football). I bet you can, in one year, find at least ONE other dude to hang out with on Thanksgiving if you wanted to. Good luck!
Thank you for the last part.
As I mentioned I have tried and failed. I'm older and it gets tougher as one ages to meet others.
As far as inviting anyone over - I live in a small studio apartment so that is not feasible. I eat on my desk that holds my computer screen and speakers to my desktop computer. I do love to cook so per usual I will be cooking for one tonight.
Same day last year I nearly killed myself by slipping on the front porch, fracturing my elbow, my wrist, and doing something ungodly to my kneecap. I'll stay inside this year to avoid spending the holidays with medical professionals.
Awww we're not so bad. I spent many holidays alone or at work. If I was at work I'd spend my spare time making as many origami snow flakes as I could for my alert patients. It always made them smile. I guess being at work for the holidays was better then being alone, but I did have my pets too.
I feel bad for people alone on he holidays missing lost family. I never really had one so I don't miss them. To me it was just another day with total control of the remote and a whole box of chocolates all to myself.
Yes, invitations are a one-way street in many social situations. It's not good manners to invite yourself to someone's home or to someone's dinner or party. That's just called etiquette
Of course. Are you deliberately misunderstanding what I meant by a one-way street? Because you seem to get my point below.
Quote:
Sure, you can invite people to your home on a holiday but if they have family they're going to want to be with their family that day. In fact, many people go out of town for the holiday so you may not be able to invite them.
Well of course you can invite them. They may not accept, however. But people who don't want to be alone at the holidays need to take matters into their own hands and think outside the box. The majority of Americans DON'T travel at Thanksgiving. And plenty of people do not spend 18 hours straight with their families on Thanksgiving Day. So invite them for breakfast. Or to watch football. Or to have an evening cocktail. They might even be grateful to have an excuse to flee the family.
Many single folks, myself included, enjoy making the rounds and visiting other folks on Thanksgiving and Christmas. If you don't want to be alone, plan ahead to be a host.
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