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I'm sure it was/is very disappointing to extend a kind offer to other "newbies" and then be treated so callously. Save yourself further thought about this. They are not the kind of people you need in your lives, and I bet you will make far more friends in your new location than they will make. Enjoy the rest of the holiday season!
So, we just relocated to a new state a few months ago, and prepared to spend Thanksgiving away from family/friends for the first time. We know this couple who also relocated not long ago, from the same state we relocated from. They came to visit us once before, since their relocation, and we hung out and had a good time. We invited them to have Thanksgiving dinner with us, a couple weeks ago and they accepted the invitation. We confirmed with them this week, and they said they were coming, and would bring a dish. This morning, I sent a text message, asking what time they'd make it, and that we'd be having dinner around 4 pm. 2 hrs later, a reply comes saying they would let us know. Then, silence, until my husband calls around 3.30pm to find out what their status is. Vmail and silence until 5.30pm, then he gets a reply saying they just finished cooking themselves and were about to eat at home, and probably won't want to go anywhere after that"...
They are new to town, and we had a first hangout that seemed to be going well with some common interests, but this left a sour taste in our mouth, since we bought extra food and spent all day cooking, expecting them to come...We feel if we accept someone's invitation, we couldn't pull something like that, and let them hang high and dry without our conscience bothering us.
What do you think, is there a chance for a solid frendship there?
Why would you want to be friends with people this inconsiderate?
I'm sure it was/is very disappointing to extend a kind offer to other "newbies" and then be treated so callously. Save yourself further thought about this. They are not the kind of people you need in your lives, and I bet you will make far more friends in your new location than they will make. Enjoy the rest of the holiday season!
Thank you Harpaint! Really appreciate it. You do the same!
Reading the OP again it appears as if they only saw this other couple once or twice. I'd take the hint, they broke up with you in the rudest manner possible.
The OP did nothing wrong by asking them to Thanksgiving dinner. It was a beautiful gesture on his part.
There's way too much speculation on why they didn't show up. Maybe they are thoughtless, selfish people, but you'll never really know until you ask them and explain how you felt about them not showing up. Discuss it calmly rather than throw a rope over a sturdy tree branch. It's what mature adults do.
The OP did nothing wrong by asking them to Thanksgiving dinner. It was a beautiful gesture on his part.
There's way too much speculation on why they didn't show up. Maybe they are thoughtless, selfish people, but you'll never really know until you ask them and explain how you felt about them not showing up. Discuss it calmly rather than throw a rope over a sturdy tree branch. It's what mature adults do.
You've got to be kidding me, right? First of all, there's no lynch mob. Way to completely go over the top. More like a frustration that people don't know how to behave. Because there is zero doubt here that they are thoughtless, selfish people. None.
After all, if the OP's account is to be believed, there is literally no excuse in the world for what happened. There was no traffic accident, no medical emergency, nothing. The guests just disappeared on them.
Nope. Instead, the people in question accepted an invitation, offered to contribute to the meal, confirmed that they would be there, and then ghosted on the OP. Had they not wanted to come, all they simply had to do is say, "Thank you so much for the kind invitation, but we've made other plans." Instead, the OP and her family sat around wondering if their guests would actually show.
I always amazed at posters who are so quick to excuse truly bad behavior.
So. Let's review the finer points of this situation:
1) If someone extends an invitation, you let them know as quickly as possible whether or not you can attend. Saying, "No, thank you very much. We have other plans. But you are kind to ask" is always a polite way to respond. But when you accept an invitation, your hosts make plans accordingly. They buy food. They prepare food. They might have omitted someone else from their guest list because you accepted their invitation. And don't leave your hosts hanging. There are good reasons to not respond immediately, such as a potential schedule conflict that must be resolved. But on the whole, it makes it look as if you're just casting about in search of a better offer.
2) If you have to cancel due to some unavoidable circumstances (By the way, a better offer is NOT considered unavoidable, unless it is once-in-a-lifetime concert tickets or a last-minute trip to Hawaii or some such), then you let the person know as quickly as possible with deep and profound apologies.
3) If it's just a cocktail party or some such, it's okay to be fashionably late. For an occasion where dinner is being served, show up precisely when asked. For putting a special dinner on the table such as Thanksgiving requires preparation and split-second timing. Showing up late on such an occasion without an awfully good excuse tells the world that you were raised by wolves. You are basically introducing more stress into the already stressful situation of making dinner for a dozen or so people.
4) When someone is kind enough to invite you to your home and you accept, just not showing up is about the rudest thing you can do short of striking them.
5) Don't show up empty handed, either. Show some gratitude for the people who were kind enough to ask you. A bottle of wine, flowers, a small gift. Something.
You've got to be kidding me, right? First of all, there's no lynch mob. Way to completely go over the top. More like a frustration that people don't know how to behave. Because there is zero doubt here that they are thoughtless, selfish people. None.
.
No, I'm not kidding.Give people a chance to explain their behavior, especially when you know nothing about them. There are a number of reasons why they did this, and only one of the reasons is because they are thoughtless, callous people. That's ALL I'm saying. What part of "discussing it like adults" is so offensive to you? Most of you are going off half-cocked, playing judge, jury and executioner, just because you THINK you have inside information on people you've never even met. I find that absolutely horrendous behavior on your parts.
The OP did nothing wrong by asking them to Thanksgiving dinner. It was a beautiful gesture on his part.
There's way too much speculation on why they didn't show up. Maybe they are thoughtless, selfish people, but you'll never really know until you ask them and explain how you felt about them not showing up. Discuss it calmly rather than throw a rope over a sturdy tree branch. It's what mature adults do.
Well of course all we have is the OP's story, which at least in this case (as opposed to some of the insane stuff you see on C-D too often) doesn't leave much room for other interpretations, at least not on the surface. In many cases we read about on CD, there are salient points that come out after a few posts by the OP that shed a lot more light on the situation. Not here.
I'd love to get a follow up to this, but I don't feel like it's owed to me or anyone except the OP if he/she desires it.
No, I'm not kidding.Give people a chance to explain their behavior, especially when you know nothing about them. There are a number of reasons why they did this, and only one of the reasons is because they are thoughtless, callous people. That's ALL I'm saying. What part of "discussing it like adults" is so offensive to you? Most of you are going off half-cocked, playing judge, jury and executioner, just because you THINK you have inside information on people you've never even met. I find that absolutely horrendous behavior on your parts.
Sorry. If the OP's account is indeed an accurate retelling, this is cut-and-dried. There is no wiggle room.
And as far as that "discussing it like adults" is concerned, there is a major flaw in your thinking. Because you are assuming that both parties understand the fundamentals of courtesy. A person who accepts an invitation, confirms the invitation, discusses what they'll bring, and then just blows off the occasion altogether, instead eating at home while ignoring the calls of the host, is not someone to whom politeness matters.
Remember that the invited guest did not bother to answer phone calls. That person had all the opportunity in the world to communicate that they weren't coming. Their phones obviously worked. They simply chose not to.
What I find to be horrendous behavior, by the way, is to excuse horrendous behavior in the first place.
Last edited by cpg35223; 11-28-2016 at 09:27 AM..
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