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I told my wife that I loath going to Thanksgiving at my parents the last few years because one of my sibling has a habit of inviting people with various backgrounds to our family dinner.
One of my siblings close friend has been single for all her life and always brings along a different guy or more people along each year. I always felt she's the freeloading types and never comes over unless there's something in it for her. She's been through a rainbow of different types of guys and each year the selection has been getting worse imo. That's not me to judge but for my family dinner it is special since I don't see my parents for more than 3x a year I hate having my dinner with guests that don't intertwine well with our family and causes friction because I can't openly talk family or personal issues when there are guests around.
The reason I don't invite a friend to Thanksgiving dinner because I believe it should be exclusive to relatives only and I'm already having a tug-o-war with both side of my families and there are plenty of relatives that I haven't seen for awhile that I should spend time with than other people.
My wife has told me to just bear with it instead of speaking out against it, my parents are very laid back so they don't really care it. But after so many years I am ready to just tell my parents that I will do a belated dinner with them.
I told my wife that I loath going to Thanksgiving at my parents the last few years because one of my sibling has a habit of inviting people with various backgrounds to our family dinner.
One of my siblings close friend has been single for all her life and always brings along a different guy or more people along each year. I always felt she's the freeloading types and never comes over unless there's something in it for her. She's been through a rainbow of different types of guys and each year the selection has been getting worse imo. That's not me to judge but for my family dinner it is special since I don't see my parents for more than 3x a year I hate having my dinner with guests that don't intertwine well with our family and causes friction because I can't openly talk family or personal issues when there are guests around.
The reason I don't invite a friend to Thanksgiving dinner because I believe it should be exclusive to relatives only and I'm already having a tug-o-war with both side of my families and there are plenty of relatives that I haven't seen for awhile that I should spend time with than other people.
My wife has told me to just bear with it instead of speaking out against it, my parents are very laid back so they don't really care it. But after so many years I am ready to just tell my parents that I will do a belated dinner with them.
Anyone else in my shoes?
Actually, you've already done the judging. You're figuratively sitting in the corner with your arms crossed, not wanting to make conversation with whomever you don't think should be there. Congratulations. You've officially achieved Black Cloud status.
Are these people rude? Are these people making fart jokes or shooting smack at the dinner table? Was there something in the family charter giving you veto power over who your parents invite to dinner?
My brother and sister-in-law have a Thanksgiving like that every year. Family arrives. But there are friends who don't have local family. They come too. Sometimes the guest list climbs to as high as 40. And, guess what? After a couple of years, they're like family, too. And, yeah, I fully admit there are a couple of annual guests with whom I don't really click all that much. But I can still muster a few minutes of polite, convivial conversation before moving on. I certainly don't resent my brother for inviting them. To me, that speaks volumes about his character.
Because the entire point of Thanksgiving is enjoying time together, not downloading whatever is sticking in your craw that day as you pass the cranberries. I mean, a relative who dependably wants to discuss family or personal issues at Thanksgiving dinner -- or any dinner, for that matter -- is about as welcome as a case of herpes. Do that on your own time.
Here everybody wants to have dinner, catch up on each other's lives, and get social time, and you're evidently wanting to dredge up some petty sin of omission from God knows when. A pony you didn't get for Christmas or some such. Their forcing you to take piano lessons. Who knows? So now, you actually expect your parents to do a completely separate dinner so you can talk about whatever is offending you at the moment.
Well, let me level with you. No human relationship is perfect. No parent does a flawless job in the raising of their children, despite their best intentions. Everybody has said something, done something or failed to do something that has caused pain and annoyance in others. People with normal, functioning psyches can let go and move on. Evidently, you can't. So you're intent on making sure that holiday dinners come with a side order of bitterness and recriminations.
In other words, it really feels as if it's all about you, not your parents and the guests they've generously welcomed into their home. In fact, maybe you should take a cue from the rest of your family and intertwine with a newer, more generous attitude. Because, hey, if you gave next year's Thanksgiving a miss, don't be surprised if you're not missed all that much.
Thanksgiving dinner/day is not the place to discuss "issues"; it is a time to enjoy the company of those we care about and those who are in need - of a family for a day, a meal, good conversation. The best dinners we had growing up or hosting when my children were young were those where someone brought an unexpected friend or relative. It's easy to throw another potato in the pot, squish another setting at the table; get out the card table for the kids. Memories of times past, catching up on who is doing what and where, holding the new baby, and watching the young ones doing what young ones do; not discussing issues is what I would expect from a family Thanksgiving. Listen to your wife or don't go.
If you want to discuss important family or personal issues, schedule a time when you will have your parents or parents and siblings to yourself. Host the meal, order take-out for your parents' home, put yourself out a little.
They're not your guests. They're your parents guests and they don't seem to mind.
Why do you think Thanksgiving is all about you? Are you one of these types who dominates the conversation having to tell everything you have been up to and get easily annoyed when others talk?
First of all it's not polite to be discussing "issues" at a gathering like that. You want to do that pick up the phone or organize a family meeting.
You do know Thanksgiving started with unrelated strangers who had a meal together?
I understand where you're coming from but I don't think I personally would be bothered. I might even welcome the diversity. I think if I were the host in that situation, I would be happy to have more people enjoying my gathering.
I have a similar problem with too many family gatherings happening around the same time. This year I had one Thanksgiving dinner at 2pm and another at 5pm. It was way too much. I think going forward I'm going to carve out a few other days to hang out with the family I want to spend more time with.
Location: Finally the house is done and we are in Port St. Lucie!
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If someone wants to control who comes to Thanksgiving, or any dinner, they should host the meal themselves.
Are you, OP, willing to cough up the dough and the time to host the meal so that you can have absolute control over who comes or not?
Seriously, it is not your place to decide this. Your parents are hosting and putting out the majority of the expense. They, and only they, have a say in who comes or not. Even if they are allowing a stranger so that they can spend time with a loved one. It is Their decision, not yours.
one of my sibling has a habit of inviting people with various backgrounds to our family dinner.
...
But after so many years I am ready to just tell my parents that I will do a belated dinner with them.
Your issue is with your sister, not your parents. Talk to her about it and explain your case.
I told my wife that I loath going to Thanksgiving at my parents the last few years because one of my sibling has a habit of inviting people with various backgrounds to our family dinner.
One of my siblings close friend has been single for all her life and always brings along a different guy or more people along each year. I always felt she's the freeloading types and never comes over unless there's something in it for her. She's been through a rainbow of different types of guys and each year the selection has been getting worse imo. That's not me to judge but for my family dinner it is special since I don't see my parents for more than 3x a year I hate having my dinner with guests that don't intertwine well with our family and causes friction because I can't openly talk family or personal issues when there are guests around.
The reason I don't invite a friend to Thanksgiving dinner because I believe it should be exclusive to relatives only and I'm already having a tug-o-war with both side of my families and there are plenty of relatives that I haven't seen for awhile that I should spend time with than other people.
My wife has told me to just bear with it instead of speaking out against it, my parents are very laid back so they don't really care it. But after so many years I am ready to just tell my parents that I will do a belated dinner with them.
Anyone else in my shoes?
No. I disagree that Thanksgiving is exclusive to relatives only. As I stated in another thread, just imagine if the Pilgrims and Native Americans viewed it as an exclusive event.
Quote:
Originally Posted by vision33r
But after so many years I am ready to just tell my parents that I will do a belated dinner with them.
If you want to spend time with just your parents, that seems to be the solution.
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