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My brother regrets not having children. By the time he realized he wanted them he then went through a divorce soon after. Why does he regret it? It's an unbelievable feeling to know you created a human being, the love is like no other. Teaching them about life, watching them grow up, grandchildren, etc.
But regretting something that doesn't exist is a fallacy.
When they think about the children they would have had it is likely an idealized version of what this life would have been like. I have a friend who is an only child and she wishes she had a sister. When I asked her why, she said she would have had a best friend for life. But in reality, if she had a sister, they may not be close or may have a fractious relationship. Same with kids--often parents have to deal with children who have special needs, behavioral problems, mental health issues, substance abuse, etc. Of course those parents love their kids but it is a struggle. When people without children are having regrets they are likely envisioning those perfect, well-adjusted kids who give nothing but joy and grow up to be close and loving.
Those who have great kids are probably happy they had them and would do it again, and those who have nothing but trouble with their kids, or a very distant relationship, would not. And since admitting your children are awful and you wish you had remained child free is taboo, asking people for their honest opinion is futile.
Very good post. I never dreamed that my son would just throw me away. We were very close for a long, long time. Two peas in a pod. Then something happened, I have no idea what, maybe my marriage to my husband, that he could not deal with. Like he wanted me all to himself, and if that didn't happen, I was history.
The same thing happened to my mother. My brother moved to Montana from Texas and basically turned his back on her, a once-a-year letter and a clipped phone call was all she ever got. She grieved for him until she died.
I've chosen to accept that this may be what my son needs to be happy, so good for him. I get sad about the situation, but ai will NOT grieve.
But regretting something that doesn't exist is a fallacy.
When they think about the children they would have had it is likely an idealized version of what this life would have been like. I have a friend who is an only child and she wishes she had a sister. When I asked her why, she said she would have had a best friend for life. But in reality, if she had a sister, they may not be close or may have a fractious relationship. Same with kids--often parents have to deal with children who have special needs, behavioral problems, mental health issues, substance abuse, etc. Of course those parents love their kids but it is a struggle. When people without children are having regrets they are likely envisioning those perfect, well-adjusted kids who give nothing but joy and grow up to be close and loving.
Because members of our society aren't having enough children to even replace themselves we are heading towards extinction. the Radical Muslims are biding their time and having as many kids as possible.
Birth rates are falling in nearly every country around the world, so that is not the case. Most are just above, near, or below replacement level. Most of Africa will be the main exception to this over the next few decades according to projections.
Those who have great kids are probably happy they had them and would do it again, and those who have nothing but trouble with their kids, or a very distant relationship, would not. And since admitting your children are awful and you wish you had remained child free is taboo, asking people for their honest opinion is futile.
This. Short of "I was convicted of Nazi war crimes," "I wish I had not had my children" is considered the most vile admission possible from any woman's lips. We put a lot on mothers. We blame mothers for anything that goes wrong regarding the children (ever notice it is never the father's fault?). Mothers are supposed to be the flesh equivalent of Pinterest, Mary, any random sitcom mom and Dr. Sears put together and must forgive their children anything and everything and be an unending bottomless inexhaustible wellspring of unconditional love or else, FOR SHAME...you unnatural woman.
Who is going to stand up in the face of that? A few dissatisfied mothers. But a very few.
Fun comes in small doses. Then you appreciate the fun times. This happens whether you have children or not. Personally, I've always felt bad for people who only have an identity as a parent.
NO, I can imagine my life without them! The average cost of raising a child is $245,000!
If you dig into the numbers they aren't nearly that bad. That number is for headline traffic grabs.
The majority of the cost is increased housing expenses, presumably from "having" to buy a larger residence. So they compare the cost of living in a 4br house (with kids) vs a 1br apartment (couple, no children). The reality is that the childless couple is still likely to buy a house. I may not have 4 br, but probably at least 3. The next highest cost is food cost-well the incremental increase from feeding 2 vs 4 is not double.
Fun comes in small doses. Then you appreciate the fun times. This happens whether you have children or not. Personally, I've always felt bad for people who only have an identity as a parent.
Bravo!
Feel bad for those people too. Codependent at its worst.
And to think the rest of us without kids are boring and unfulfilled. LMAO.
No you admitted that is your life without your kids. And it'll be that way again when they grow up and move on. Unless you find something outside of you kids for fulfillment.
There was a surprise visit from the stork, and then another one right away. I did not invite any storks but they showed up anyway.
I am not the domestic type, but I had to do that job and it never occurred to me to unwish them.
I don't believe in 'what if's'. I think everything happens for a reason.
Last edited by Veronicka; 12-03-2016 at 08:47 PM..
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Honesty
