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My dad has a tendency to over-react and make a big deal about everything for the past couple years. I think his health is partly to blame for it. He's had a few strokes and isn't in the best shape, and has more time to overthink. For example, I'm not a hugger with some people. It's just who I am. I haven't hugged my dad since I was little so I didn't feel the need to give him one before I left to my new state, especially w/ all the arguing we had done before then. Now all of a sudden he thinks I have anxiety even though I've said a million times I don't. He keeps insisting I do & it drives me insane. If I had anxiety I wouldn't have moved to a new state not knowing a single soul.
Another example, when I got laid off a couple years ago obviously I would be depressed, but he called one of his friends and wanted them to "counsel" me like I was suicidal even though I wasn't. That was the start of it.
I know all the strokes and bad health are probably to blame, but it's stressing me out. When I come home he wants to have another serious talk... it's like he wants to be mr. fix it. My mom thinks it's ridiculous too... how would you handle it? I've tried telling him it bothers me but I know he's gonna keep doing it.
I take care of my 90-year-old mother and I know a lot of her friends. It's not that unusual for an elder to blow things out of proportion — although I agree it is quite annoying. As you realize he has time to "overthink." They don't have enough to occupy their minds so they obsess over things. They want to think they're "helping," even though they're not.
Maybe you could tell him, yes you DID have some things to be anxious about but now that you're in your new home everything is great and your problems are solved. Thank him for his help so he feels useful. Then feel free to tell him he's the one who sounds anxious. Try to keep it light with him and don't take it personally. He'll always see you as a child, even though that's completely inappropriate. It's up to you to change your response to him. He's not going to change at his age and in his physical condition.
I take care of my 90-year-old mother and I know a lot of her friends. It's not that unusual for an elder to blow things out of proportion — although I agree it is quite annoying. As you realize he has time to "overthink." They don't have enough to occupy their minds so they obsess over things. They want to think they're "helping," even though they're not.
Maybe you could tell him, yes you DID have some things to be anxious about but now that you're in your new home everything is great and your problems are solved. Thank him for his help so he feels useful. Then feel free to tell him he's the one who sounds anxious. Try to keep it light with him and don't take it personally. He'll always see you as a child, even though that's completely inappropriate. It's up to you to change your response to him. He's not going to change at his age and in his physical condition.
Thank you for the advice. Makes me feel better I'm not the only one.
Strokes really can change a lot about a person's personality/brain. I wouldn't take it too personally or let it stress you out. Just find a way to smooth out the conversation.
It sounds like he just loves you and so he worries about you. Tell him that you appreciate his concern, but that he raised you to be strong and so you're handling everything fine.
My experience with the older and annoying generation (i love my father but he can be needy and overbearing):
*listen more than you talk. He needs to say things to you. As long as he isn't being abusive, let him talk a bit, interspersed with a few "hmmm" and "wow! Really? “
*find some common ground, some topic abd/or activities that you can both relate to. Like maybe a book you read and recommend to him and then you can discuss, or something interesting you saw on the news.
Strokes really can change a lot about a person's personality/brain. I wouldn't take it too personally or let it stress you out. Just find a way to smooth out the conversation.
This. Strokes do weird things to people's thinking/focus.
Find something to positively distract him like a new/old hobby you can share.
And give the old guy a hug every once in awhile. You are lucky to have his love.
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