Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Tell the truth. "My family doesn't celebrate Christmas so I'm 'fill in the blank'", going to the beach, chasing the sun, visiting old friends, whatever.
I've never shared any personal information. I've left it at 'going on vacation somewhere I've never been' / 'no' and 'airfaire issues'.
I'm actually one of the few who have boundaries. I never talk about my personal life ever. No one knows anything about me. However, most people in this office share about their lives, marital/financial/family issues. Just because they shared about their parents, doesn't mean I talked about mine. Believe me, in this office, everyone knows everyone's business. I'm happy I've kept mine private. I'm a pretty private person, hence the fact I don't like this question.
Well, then what you are dealing with is all your own personal issues. It has nothing to do with your co-workers being nosy as your thread title implied, because they are simply treating you the same way they treat each other.
This case is more about your over reacting, because of your own personal issues. Deal with those, and you may be able to refrain from over reacting to normal small talk.
This might take a long while, but if you can gain some coping skills you will not feel so emotionally raw a vulnerable when anything related to family becomes part of the everyday discussion. The opposite of love is indifference.
Find a good counseling situation....Or a close sympathetic friend....Tell your story 100 times, that was the advice given after a natural disaster in my area. You need to verbalize in order to process what you feel about your family situation.
I hope this helps. There are many online resources to help. Here are just a couple.
I'm tired of people's judgment on my personal life.
This is bizarre to me, as is this thread. By that I mean I do not understand the fuss. Who cares, OP, on others judging you? That's on them, not you. And it doesn't speak well of them to butt in your business like that.
I've been in the workforce working with large groups of people for a very long time and have not celebrated Christmas in any way for about 40 years. I say "I do not celebrate Christmas" and that's usually the end.
I started a new job recently. One of my colleagues who was hired the same day as I was asked me why. That was a first that I can remember, or it's been a long time since I was asked. I said confidently "I have a problem separating religion out of Christmas and I am anti-religion." She smiled and agreed, said she understood. The subject was dropped.
Another asked me "don't you exchange presents?" I told her I haven't done that in over 35 years. Again, conversation over. That came up because as far as I know I am the only one not taking part in the "secret Santa." It's happened before and I don't care. I don't want to take part and I don't. I can't ever recall it's been a problem. I didn't or don't feel judged and I wouldn't care if I was. I'm usually one of the more popular co-workers in any place I've ever worked in.
I strongly disagree with the suggestions of lying. I have a conscience and can't make something up, or tell my fellow workers anything else but the truth. Make up stories on what I did over Christmas? I can't relate to that at all. I don't have it in me to do it.
I try and deliver answers to questions with tact. And did I mention with confidence?
This Christmas period has been rather unusual to me for various reasons.
The main reason being that last February, I decided to distance myself from my family due to their toxicity (I won't dive into this issue any further as I've already talked about on here to great lengths and I do not wish to reiterate this subject).
As a result, when people ask me 'Do you ever visit your family/go 'home' (I don't consider that place to be 'home' at all)? I tell them 'No, I'd rather travel to some place I've never been'. Then, I get this look and they try to get deeper: 'Really? Why?'. Why? Because it's none of your business!
This Christmas has been draining as I have been judged to extreme lengths by my co-workers who replied the following when I said I'm not visiting my family for Christmas:
- My dad said he would disown me if I didn't show up at Christmas. He said you can be anywhere in the world, but you have to be at home for Christmas (I got this story twice).
- Your parents should at least do a dinner. This is supposed to be a family time (Guess what dude? They don't celebrate Christmas, so they can do as they wish and their religious beliefs are none of your business).
- This is strange. I wouldn't be able to do such thing.
I'm tired of people's judgment on my personal life. First of all, I don't like people bringing my parents up because it's a sensitive topic which I don't wish to talk about. Second, they don't celebrate Christmas, but this is no one's business, but theirs. I shouldn't justify their choices to anyone. Thirdly, if I'm telling them I'm not going, I have my reasons, they should understand it's private!
The look of shock I get from people at work about this matter has been annoying me. I understand their need to enquire, but there comes a point where if a person tells you they won't visit their family, you should leave it at that and change topics.
Obviously, I'm going to disclose family matters with strangers at work. I don't understand why people can't mind their own damn business and assume everyone celebrates Christmas! They're so ignorant or act like it at times.
How to them down politely?
Well..
Some of it is on you. Do you honestly expect to tell them you won't be seeing your family at the holidays and have that not generate a response? Why bring it up? If someone asks you what you are doing, just a vague "oh, I have a few different plans" would suffice. You're getting all bent out of shape at other people for their natural reactions to what for most people is an odd situation. You can't change them, so change you.
"As a result, when people ask me 'Do you ever visit your family/go 'home' (I don't consider that place to be 'home' at all)? I tell them 'No, I'd rather travel to some place I've never been'. Then, I get this look and they try to get deeper: 'Really? Why?'. Why?
Next time this comes up I suggest saying something like this:
"It's a sensitive subject and I'd rather not talk about it." No need to say anything further.
If anyone can't respect that then they don't belong in your life.
This Christmas period has been rather unusual to me for various reasons.
The main reason being that last February, I decided to distance myself from my family due to their toxicity (I won't dive into this issue any further as I've already talked about on here to great lengths and I do not wish to reiterate this subject).
As a result, when people ask me 'Do you ever visit your family/go 'home' (I don't consider that place to be 'home' at all)? I tell them 'No, I'd rather travel to some place I've never been'. Then, I get this look and they try to get deeper: 'Really? Why?'. Why? Because it's none of your business!
This Christmas has been draining as I have been judged to extreme lengths by my co-workers who replied the following when I said I'm not visiting my family for Christmas:
- My dad said he would disown me if I didn't show up at Christmas. He said you can be anywhere in the world, but you have to be at home for Christmas (I got this story twice).
- Your parents should at least do a dinner. This is supposed to be a family time (Guess what dude? They don't celebrate Christmas, so they can do as they wish and their religious beliefs are none of your business).
- This is strange. I wouldn't be able to do such thing.
I'm tired of people's judgment on my personal life. First of all, I don't like people bringing my parents up because it's a sensitive topic which I don't wish to talk about. Second, they don't celebrate Christmas, but this is no one's business, but theirs. I shouldn't justify their choices to anyone. Thirdly, if I'm telling them I'm not going, I have my reasons, they should understand it's private!
The look of shock I get from people at work about this matter has been annoying me. I understand their need to enquire, but there comes a point where if a person tells you they won't visit their family, you should leave it at that and change topics.
Obviously, I'm going to disclose family matters with strangers at work. I don't understand why people can't mind their own damn business and assume everyone celebrates Christmas! They're so ignorant or act like it at times.
How to them down politely?
I find it interesting that OP is being judgmental of these alleged judgmental coworkers
This Christmas period has been rather unusual to me for various reasons.
The main reason being that last February, I decided to distance myself from my family due to their toxicity (I won't dive into this issue any further as I've already talked about on here to great lengths and I do not wish to reiterate this subject).
As a result, when people ask me 'Do you ever visit your family/go 'home' (I don't consider that place to be 'home' at all)? I tell them 'No, I'd rather travel to some place I've never been'. Then, I get this look and they try to get deeper: 'Really? Why?'. Why? Because it's none of your business!
This Christmas has been draining as I have been judged to extreme lengths by my co-workers who replied the following when I said I'm not visiting my family for Christmas:
- My dad said he would disown me if I didn't show up at Christmas. He said you can be anywhere in the world, but you have to be at home for Christmas (I got this story twice).
- Your parents should at least do a dinner. This is supposed to be a family time (Guess what dude? They don't celebrate Christmas, so they can do as they wish and their religious beliefs are none of your business).
- This is strange. I wouldn't be able to do such thing.
I'm tired of people's judgment on my personal life. First of all, I don't like people bringing my parents up because it's a sensitive topic which I don't wish to talk about. Second, they don't celebrate Christmas, but this is no one's business, but theirs. I shouldn't justify their choices to anyone. Thirdly, if I'm telling them I'm not going, I have my reasons, they should understand it's private!
The look of shock I get from people at work about this matter has been annoying me. I understand their need to enquire, but there comes a point where if a person tells you they won't visit their family, you should leave it at that and change topics.
Obviously, I'm going to disclose family matters with strangers at work. I don't understand why people can't mind their own damn business and assume everyone celebrates Christmas! They're so ignorant or act like it at times.
How to them down politely?
To all the people who get irritated by others asking about their business, or giving them gifts they don't like: There may come a day when no one asks you anything, or comments about your life, or gives you a lousy gift, because they don't care anything about you. Seize the day that people care about you right now to make conversation, inquire about normal things like where you're going for the holidays, and going through the trouble of buying you an inappropriate gift.
Asking about holiday plans is normal. Thinking that people are being nosy when they ask is not the norm. If you don't like it, and don't want to be anti-social, prepare a canned response to the question that doesn't invite commentary. Any response that is not the norm will invoke comments, precisely because it's not the norm. That's true whether your response is, "I never go to a place you call home," or "I'm going to Switzerland."
Then be sure and ask them what they're doing. It's called normal social conversation.
Then smile to yourself as you think, "Someone cared about me enough to ask."
To all the people who get irritated by others asking about their business, or giving them gifts they don't like: There may come a day when no one asks you anything, or comments about your life, or gives you a lousy gift, because they don't care anything about you. Seize the day that people care about you right now to make conversation, inquire about normal things like where you're going for the holidays, and going through the trouble of buying you an inappropriate gift.
Asking about holiday plans is normal. Thinking that people are being nosy when they ask is not the norm. If you don't like it, and don't want to be anti-social, prepare a canned response to the question that doesn't invite commentary. Any response that is not the norm will invoke comments, precisely because it's not the norm. That's true whether your response is, "I never go to a place you call home," or "I'm going to Switzerland."
Then be sure and ask them what they're doing. It's called normal social conversation.
Then smile to yourself as you think, "Someone cared about me enough to ask."
this is a better response than I was going to offer
I agree with this
maybe its maine but we don't ask those questions,,,,whats your business is your business and whats mine is mine(business)
op....there is one angle which is to be respected,,,perhaps they do care about you and want to offer you can come to their place so you wont be alone (in their eyes)
To all the people who get irritated by others asking about their business, or giving them gifts they don't like: There may come a day when no one asks you anything, or comments about your life, or gives you a lousy gift, because they don't care anything about you. Seize the day that people care about you right now to make conversation, inquire about normal things like where you're going for the holidays, and going through the trouble of buying you an inappropriate gift.
Asking about holiday plans is normal. Thinking that people are being nosy when they ask is not the norm. If you don't like it, and don't want to be anti-social, prepare a canned response to the question that doesn't invite commentary. Any response that is not the norm will invoke comments, precisely because it's not the norm. That's true whether your response is, "I never go to a place you call home," or "I'm going to Switzerland."
Then be sure and ask them what they're doing. It's called normal social conversation.
Then smile to yourself as you think, "Someone cared about me enough to ask."
I like this post. It reminds me of when I first moved into the low-income senior building I live in now. I got a little gift for the three neighbors around me that I was friendly with (fellow tenants across the hall and next to my apartment). It cost me maybe $3 each for a few things I got at the dollar store - cute bag, candle and a candy cane or something like that.
They all looked really uncomfortable, none of them said thank you and one took it but then said she doesn't celebrate Christmas.
I thought it would have been decent of them to at least say thank you, but they all wanted it to be clear as day they didnt' want me to do it again, I guess. And, we continued after that point to still be friendly. But, I sure dont' acknowledge Christmas with them anymore LOL.
Seeing your other recent threads, you've got lots of issues in general. Short answers is the key. And don't get so upset! Geesh it's just a question. No one asked you to give them a kidney. It's called small talk.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
