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Backbiting, being two-faced, repeating something they swore they wouldn't, repetitive lying, frequently flaking out by not showing up/not calling, whining about their problems but making no effort to solve them. These are all reasons for cutting off contact with someone.
I had a group of people I hung out with. I kind of noticed that these guys never could keep a job, a girlfriend, or a wife. They were always getting into some jam and, of course, it was never their fault. They always had a reason they were fired or their spouses left them high and dry. It took me a while to realize it was because they were self-centered a-holes. Don't ask me why I hung out with them. Likely because I was in college and working and I just didn't have the time to cultivate new friends.
I had already begun to distance myself. But when my dad died suddenly, none of them even bothered calling. None came to the funeral. Not a peep. And then, a week after the funeral, they re-emerged with lame phrases such as "Sorry about your Dad" and "I would've come to the funeral, but I just can't stand those things." Mind you, I didn't expect them to hang out at the hospital or any of those things. But a simple acknowledgement would have been nice.
So I cut myself off from them. Never looked back. And, truthfully, never missed them. Best decision I ever made. Because the people you spend your time with really dictate the kind of person you become. I've run into a couple of them over the years. Still terrible careers, one couldn't keep a job and moved in with his elderly mom, and none of them have any long-term relationships.
I had already begun to distance myself. But when my dad died suddenly, none of them even bothered calling. None came to the funeral. Not a peep. And then, a week after the funeral, they re-emerged with lame phrases such as "Sorry about your Dad" and "I would've come to the funeral, but I just can't stand those things." Mind you, I didn't expect them to hang out at the hospital or any of those things. But a simple acknowledgement would have been nice.
So I cut myself off from them. Never looked back. And, truthfully, never missed them. Best decision I ever made. Because the people you spend your time with really dictate the kind of person you become. I've run into a couple of them over the years. Still terrible careers, one couldn't keep a job and moved in with his elderly mom, and none of them have any long-term relationships.
There is a word for those guys' behavior, on the passing of your dad: mods may strike me dead, so I'll just say it's a compound word, first half is "chicken___". It describes slinking, shirking, dirty-dealing behavior in others. Capiche?
How I know this: when my dad passed suddenly, how some of my then-buddies behaved was equally revelatory. One dropped everything and flew to be at my side, I'll *never* forget that: he's inner circle, and is the only "lawful Good" person I know at this point. Others stood up in various ways. A couple slunk off. The latter fell away, I cleaned house on a lot of that in 2012.
The old saws about brothers in combat, and friends in need are "friends indeed," totally apply. Always have, always will. The fellows you describe are what my mom called "bums," usually loudly and used as an expletive towards me as much as them, to keep me on the straight and narrow. Moms do that, yes indeed... I bet your mom called them the same. Adults know the difference, young guys and gals sometimes don't, you - me - and everybody else. I've had bum friends, so to speak, but never again. Same thing happened with my drinking buddies when I went sober back in 1994: most slunk off, a few didn't, I need say little more.
Yes, and vice versa, but in both situations, we're all friends again, and better than before. Communicate better and forgive.
That only assumes the other person is forgiving. You can kiss their feet or buy them gourmet food, but that certainly doesn't mean they will forgive you and want to be on good terms again. Heart as hard as stone, as cold as ice.
I'm thinking taking a huge step back from my best friendship with my pal. I am a huge enabler and I feel like I make the situation worse.
He's currently homeless because he has a drinking problem. I usually invite him over every weekend to escape the rain and life's harsh reality. But everytime he's at my house, he wants to drink and do drugs. Last week was a week from hell. He was very disrespectful towards my friends. He stole a bottle of alcohol from my friend's liquor cabinet. He also just left another friend's xmas party because he wasn't feeling it. He didnt even say goodbye or anything to them. He is also banned at two of my other friend's houses because my friend was rude to them. And he's on the verge on getting banned at my other friends' houses because he was mimicking and mocking their hobbies. (they like to play Magic, the gathering, but he mocked them by renaming it something very inappropriate. Lastly, he was being very disrespectful with my neighbor. She lost her husband two weeks ago and my friend didn't show any sympathy. instead, he was mocking her loss.
I feel like I'm coddling him by picking him up, giving him a warm place to stay and with some warm food, and dropping him off on sunday night. i know what I need to do.....
I'd be surprised if you could find anyone over 30 who HASN'T "unfriended" someone in real life.
Heck, I've unfriended several family members in real life (although not immediate family).
This was the first thing I thought of.
Of course. And they deserved it too.
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