Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Friend #1 - she wanted to just take a minute to vent during a tough time - and you responded with a judgement-laden lecture. She was the one that deserved the dinner, not the cousin (although that was nice). Instead, she got condescension - from a "friend", no less. I would call and tell her that you looked over your message, realized how horrible it sounded, and that you really just want to offer her moral support - and BTW, you are bringing dinner. One less stress for her to deal with today. The correct answer for her, always, is "I know, you do work so hard. What can I do to relieve you a bit?"
I agree with the above posters - the fact that her son is gay is nothing more than an mental adjustment on her part.
Last edited by cheryjohns; 12-23-2016 at 02:48 PM..
Friend #1 - she wanted to just take a minute to vent during a tough time - and you responded with a judgement-laden lecture. She was the one that deserved the dinner, not the cousin (although that was nice). Instead, she got condescension - from a "friend", no less. I would call and tell her that you looked over your message, realized how horrible it sounded, and that you really just want to offer her moral support - and BTW, you are bringing dinner. One less stress for her to deal with today. The correct answer for her, always, is "I know, you do work so hard. What can I do to relieve you a bit?"
I agree with the above posters - the fact that her son is gay is nothing more than an mental adjustment on her part.
Yes, that's a good idea. I will let her know. I didn't mean to make it sound like that and meant it with good intentions, but I realize now she was just looking for us to listen to her.
OK, in order to "comfort" a woman who is apparently drowning in work in order to support her kids and a sick husband, you give her examples of how you used to work hard, too, but turned your life around and how other people worked too hard to enjoy their families and then you throw in a little tidbit like how you've rewarded yourself with a trip to Bali and a Mercedes?
Yep, definitely gonna cheer her up and take her mind off her problems.
ive seen good women and geed men,,,,try to be a savior,,,,ust to be dragged down in the quicksand..
however.... and I know this firsthand,,, you will bank some goodwill if you help out with kids involved....so when you get to the pearly gates and st peter gives you a seat to view your life on video- then ask what did you do for others without expecting a return??????
instead of money, think that we all had food instead,,,,so if you have money in the bank,,,you have a stash of food,,,while others including kids,,,,,are starving right in front of you..
and you can feed them .... but choose not to
I've learned the hard way to have empathy and show it. But never give advise. Unless someone actually reaches out and specifically says "Please give your advise" it is not wanted. However, a caring show of "I'm thinking about you and letting you know I am here for you" is always appropriate.
My close friend and I were just talking about this the other day. I told her that other people had given me advice about something I have no control over (the advice had to do with actually changing the situation, not just ignoring it, and I can't do anything to actually change it.)
Yes, that's a good idea. I will let her know. I didn't mean to make it sound like that and meant it with good intentions, but I realize now she was just looking for us to listen to her.
Kudos to you OP. Most of us have done the "open mouth and insert foot" deed at least once in our lives. You can make this right, and I think you will.
It is for some people. You cannot be the judge of how a parent 'should' react to such news. People feel what they feel, particularly about their children.
First friend - she just found out her 19 year old son is gay, found out her husband has an incurable disease and he's on short term disability, and her parents had to take in her brother's child because he's unfit. She is basically the sole provider in the family now all while working on growing a non-profit organization she just started. She is really busy and works too much, and doesn't spend a lot of time with her younger kids. She knows this and I told her of my story and another woman's story where we worked too much, and I later regretted for working too much. I hope I wasn't being too insensitive when I told her of the stories. I didn't mean to downplay her tragedies, but rather wanted her to learn from what I went through.
2nd friend (more like a distant cousin) - her son committed suicide earlier this year, her first husband died in a car accident many years ago, she divorced from the 2nd and 3rd husband, and is a single mom of 6 kids from 4 different fathers. Some of the tragedies, she brought on herself. So when I learned that her son committed suicide, I went to visit her and brought her dinner. However, she's not the type of person I want to be friends with even though we are distant cousins. I don't think I was being "fake" as I genuinely felt bad for her and wanted to show her support, but she has never taken any of my advice and I feel that she is a terrible mom as well.
I don't want to be around someone like that, but still wanted to show her support as I feel sorry for her sometimes. She posted something on Facebook about "fake friends" and I know she has a lot of those, but I think most of those "friends" are probably like me; they want to help her and want to like her, but she keeps doing things that make me want to stay away from her. I have kept my distance away from her, but she's the one that keeps contacting me. (She's the one that contacted me about her son's passing).
In both of these situations, is there something I could have done differently?
All I can think of is for you to be as honest and real as possible in life and let the others find their own way.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Honest and Real
