Yesterday I learned something that is eating me up inside. (relatives, father)
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How would the grandparents know that the mother has a history of mistreating her kids or not being trustworthy? It's very common for narcissistic or otherwise difficult parents to put up an angelic front to their peers in the family and their parents, or even to cast the kids, or one of the kids, as the difficult ones.
Ding ding ding.
My grandfather started saving when the grandkids were born for our college funds, which I only found out about after I got into college on a full tuition scholarship (and wouldn't have had it any other way!). Because he trusted my mom, all financial dealings for my brother and I went through her so she told him how much room and board, tuition, books, and study abroad was. We found out later that she was padding the numbers substantially and pocketed the rest. My grandfather thought I was so selfish when I was studying abroad, unable to work, and dared ask for money for food since my board did not cover a meal plan. We ended up estranged over it, which I only later found out was because he had given my mom that money and thought I had squandered it. In our conversations that led to the estrangement, it seemed that he had given my mom substantially more than I needed, but none of that money made its way to me (I was working a ton of hours for money for books, for instance) and he had no reason not to trust his daughter. He was a bit (a lot) of a narcissist himself and held it against me for the rest of his life, letting it spiral out of control, cutting my brother and I out of his will and quite literally millions of dollars.
Right now, my brother is having to go around to family asking them to please not contribute to the college fund my parents set up for my niece because that money will never, ever, ever see the light of day again. But why wouldn't people trust them? That's the type of thing you should trust parents/grandparents with. Unfortunately, it doesn't always work out that way.
Nothing that the OP has said sounds out of place, unfortunately, in profoundly dysfunctional families.
How could he have? He only found out about the policy's existence very recently, a day before posting the thread (see thread title).
No, in the first post he said he found out the day before that the policies were given to the mother to hold onto at age 21.
Quote:
Our grandparents had purchased insurance policies for all of us grandchildren when we were all children. So that was a huge relief. The policies were to pay out $10,000.
So yesterday I find out that, for whatever reason, my grandparents gave both mine and my brothers policy to our mom to hold onto when we turned 21
In post #4 he says:
Quote:
Also, my grandparents told us about the insurance policy many years ago but I'd forgotten about it until the other day.
jaredC, I just saw this thread today, but only ready your posts on the 1st & last page so far. As far as whether you should confront her, you darned right you SHOULD! She deserves getting the heat & you deserve a FULL explanation! If that means her being antsy in her seat, then good! But by her utter narcissism, I'm sure she doesn't feel bad or guilty in the least. But yes wait for the right time where there's no other distractions, etc. & she can't just dodge out of it, etc. Whether she's married to a doctor isn't the point.
I'm seeing from many threads on this board how truly lousy family members are to each other & it's horrendous. Family members are more & more dog eat dog w/ each other. With family like this, who needs enemies?!
Well, hopefully you have a content life & don't have to deal w/ your mother for any reason. I'd see her as little as I possibly could. What kind of a parent does a thing like this?! Outrageous.
Well when I first made the post I was going off of the information my brother told. Granted, his info was vague and incomplete. As to confronting my mom, I'm going to wait until after my cousin is buried. Besides, I'm not expecting to get any of that money back. It's long long gone. But what I want is her to say why she took it and to pretty much let her know that I know about the money. But like I said, I'm waiting until after my cousin is buried.
Getting it "back"? What do you mean? It was never yours in the first place.
jaredC, I just saw this thread today, but only ready your posts on the 1st & last page so far. As far as whether you should confront her, you darned right you SHOULD! She deserves getting the heat & you deserve a FULL explanation! If that means her being antsy in her seat, then good! But by her utter narcissism, I'm sure she doesn't feel bad or guilty in the least. But yes wait for the right time where there's no other distractions, etc. & she can't just dodge out of it, etc. Whether she's married to a doctor isn't the point.
I'm seeing from many threads on this board how truly lousy family members are to each other & it's horrendous. Family members are more & more dog eat dog w/ each other. With family like this, who needs enemies?!
Well, hopefully you have a content life & don't have to deal w/ your mother for any reason. I'd see her as little as I possibly could. What kind of a parent does a thing like this?! Outrageous.
You must have missed the part about his mother cashing the check and keeping the money...
Nope, I'm illustrating that his statement "It was the minute my grandparents sent me a check TO ME in MY NAME" is not true, it was sent TO HIS MOTHER. If it had been sent to him directly, his mother would have never seen it.
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In our conversations that led to the estrangement, it seemed that he had given my mom substantially more than I needed, but none of that money made its way to me (I was working a ton of hours for money for books, for instance) and he had no reason not to trust his daughter. He was a bit (a lot) of a narcissist himself and held it against me for the rest of his life, letting it spiral out of control, cutting my brother and I out of his will and quite literally millions of dollars. 
If that means her being antsy in her seat, then good! But by her utter narcissism, I'm sure she doesn't feel bad or guilty in the least. But yes wait for the right time where there's no other distractions, etc. & she can't just dodge out of it, etc. Whether she's married to a doctor isn't the point.
