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I think the saddest story I ever heard was from my husband. He was drafted and sent to Vietnam. Every month he would get his tiny pay, keep $20 and send the rest home to his mother to put in savings for when he returned.
Instead of putting the cash into savings, she gave it to my husband's leech of a younger brother for living expenses. He was like 22 years old.
When my husband returned from Vietnam, he asked his mom for the money she was supposed to save She admitted she had given it to his brother. "We didn't think you would survive" was her reasoning.
Absolutely confront her about it. Don't let people walk all over you, family or not. People do that crap because they depend on the fact that other people will feel awkward or guilty at going after someone they care about. Don't let that stuff go. Who knows what else she might do.
I just don't see my grandfather taking the issue up with my mom. Like you said, his health is declining and he's got too much on his mind as it is. As for my mom and her finances. Her and her husband are pretty well off. Her husband is a retired doctor and my mom is a registered nurse. And 4/5 years ago her husband wasn't yet retired and he alone pulled in well over $100,000 a year.
The bottom line here is your "mom" sold your relationship for $10k. That is all you're worth to her it seems so I'd suggest you let her know if that's how she feels then so be it. It's done and over, have a nice life. My guess is she won't miss you UNTIL she needs something like when she's all alone after her spouse passes.
That's the way it's gone with us, now mommy dearest has to live in the bed SHE made over the years with none of her kids talking to her and her wondering why that could be...
I really don't like the word 'confront' because it sounds antagonistic but I agree with others. Ask her about it. Just say 'grandpa said etc, etc' and ask her what happened to that money.
Give her a chance to explain before you hang her from the rafters. She may have a perfectly logical explanation, or she may not, but you'll never know unless you ask. If you don't ask this will end up eating you up inside.
I'm so sorry about all you and your family are going through right now.
The bottom line here is your "mom" sold your relationship for $10k. That is all you're worth to her it seems so I'd suggest you let her know if that's how she feels then so be it. It's done and over, have a nice life. My guess is she won't miss you UNTIL she needs something like when she's all alone after her spouse passes.
That's the way it's gone with us, now mommy dearest has to live in the bed SHE made over the years with none of her kids talking to her and her wondering why that could be...
Well what kills me is she PURPOSELY kept the knowledge of these cash-out policy checks from both my brother and I. I mean, that's pretty low. IF she needed the money, and she came up to me at the time she received the checks, I probably would have been ok with her keeping some of it. I'm not going to stiff my own mother out of money if she so desperately needed it. But the fact that she hid the knowledge of these checks screams to me that she is morally wrong and a thief.
I'm not actually sure what kind of policy it was. It could be a burial policy.
Exactly. All of your assumptions are just assumptions with vague facts given by the grandparents and everyone else involved in this.
You don't know the type of policy, who's names were on it, who the beneficiaries were etc.
Your brother "confronted her" but wasn't given an answer? What does that even mean?
The policies were likely taken out to help your mother in the event of your deaths and to pay for your funeral expenses. I assume she was a single mother at the time? NOT making 100K per year at the time?
That's really the only fact you have at this point.
LIFE INSURANCE policies have alot of rules. You can't even convert it to a different type of policy if you miss the window. And renewal could possibly be very expensive, too.
IMO, it's highly unlikely these were Life Insurance policies. You get life insurance policies to make up for lost income in the event of the person's death.
I don't know any parent who ever took that type of policy out on their kids. Even though some "insurance experts" tell you to on their behalf because allegedly it's "cheaper" later on in life as adults.
BTW, it's my recollection you relinquish the death benefit when you surrender a life insurance policy. Not to mention most of these deals are expensive with FEES and even MORE rules about getting any cash out of them.
And no, term life is the one without a cash benefit.
You obviously aren't even on good terms with your mother so there's that, too. You're looking to be angry without even speaking with her. I'd go that route first.
Exactly. All of your assumptions are just assumptions with vague facts given by the grandparents and everyone else involved in this.
You don't know the type of policy, who's names were on it, who the beneficiaries were etc.
Your brother "confronted her" but wasn't given an answer? What does that even mean?
The policies were likely taken out to help your mother in the event of your deaths and to pay for your funeral expenses. I assume she was a single mother at the time? NOT making 100K per year at the time?
That's really the only fact you have at this point.
LIFE INSURANCE policies have alot of rules. You can't even convert it to a different type of policy if you miss the window. And renewal could possibly be very expensive, too.
IMO, it's highly unlikely these were Life Insurance policies. You get life insurance policies to make up for lost income in the event of the person's death.
I don't know any parent who ever took that type of policy out on their kids. Even though some "insurance experts" tell you to on their behalf because allegedly it's "cheaper" later on in life as adults.
BTW, it's my recollection you relinquish the death benefit when you surrender a life insurance policy. Not to mention most of these deals are expensive with FEES and even MORE rules about getting any cash out of them.
And no, term life is the one without a cash benefit.
You obviously aren't even on good terms with your mother so there's that, too. You're looking to be angry without even speaking with her. I'd go that route first.
I would not call Grandpa saying "I gave your mother two checks to give to you and your brother, each check was for $4,500 and they were in your name and name of your brother" as "vague facts".
While Grandpa may not have stated the exact type of insurance policy those facts sound pretty concrete to me. "A check for $4,500 payable to you and given to your mother to give to you and same for your brother" Whatever the details of where the money came from, obviously, Grandpa expected that his two grandsons would receive the cash.
When I was in elementary school back in the 60s, we sent a little money to school in a special envelope to buy savings bonds. At some point, my mother cashed them in and used the money.
My father (who remarried) always carried life insurance on me and his other two kids. He made a big deal about always having it. When he died at the age of 49, it was discovered he had cashed all of them out, and no one had any idea what he did with the money. He had gotten pretty whacked-out the last couple years of his life, so he could have done just about anything with it.
Confront her. She owes you an explanation, however painful that may be for her. You deserve an answer. She's wrong, not you. Confront!
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