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Since that annoying peer is not your boss, I hope you were able to tell her what you told us and that she was open to listening. Because that's the BIGGEST problem with a lot of people who think they know it all and tell everyone else what to do - they cannot take criticism.
You have my deepest sympathy for having to work so closely with one of these.
Im working in a 3 person group project. And am having a really hard time keeping my cool with one of the team members. From the beginning this girl became the self-declared boss. She tells us what to write about, shoots down our ideas, and edits our work to her approval. Contributing very little content herself. Im not a child and don’t want to be talked to in that way. Overall she’s incredibly obnoxious. What’s more infuriating is how little time she spends doing the work. She delegates and then sits back and watches us. Peering over our shoulders like an actual boss. It's honestly bizarre. The 3rd girl is much more passive and accepting of this behavior so she seems fine with it all, but I am reaching a boiling point and can feel myself about to snap. I’ve tried asking her indirect questions to steer her towards adding content but she won’t budge.
I myself have a very strong personality and am good at managing myself, and usually don’t need a peer to TELL me what to do. I notice my own weakness in being a leader and oftentimes let someone else take the reins if I feel like I have the potential to micromanage or be too bossy. I feel like the leader of a group should know how to talk to people and also have a more collaborative approach. This is straight out dominance and I’m uncomfortable doing a majority of the work and letting my peer be the boss. It’s strange and reeks of entitlement. I’m considering bringing this up to the professor but don’t want to come across as whiny.
She's probably planning on actually being your boss sometime soon. Won't you have a nice time, then?
OP, talk to the other person in your group. If they feel the same way, then both of you should speak to her at the same time and let her know that she is not in charge of you two. There's not much she can do except accept it.
Im working in a 3 person group project. And am having a really hard time keeping my cool with one of the team members. From the beginning this girl became the self-declared boss. She tells us what to write about, shoots down our ideas, and edits our work to her approval. Contributing very little content herself. Im not a child and don’t want to be talked to in that way. Overall she’s incredibly obnoxious. What’s more infuriating is how little time she spends doing the work. She delegates and then sits back and watches us. Peering over our shoulders like an actual boss. It's honestly bizarre. The 3rd girl is much more passive and accepting of this behavior so she seems fine with it all, but I am reaching a boiling point and can feel myself about to snap. I’ve tried asking her indirect questions to steer her towards adding content but she won’t budge.
I myself have a very strong personality and am good at managing myself, and usually don’t need a peer to TELL me what to do. I notice my own weakness in being a leader and oftentimes let someone else take the reins if I feel like I have the potential to micromanage or be too bossy. I feel like the leader of a group should know how to talk to people and also have a more collaborative approach. This is straight out dominance and I’m uncomfortable doing a majority of the work and letting my peer be the boss. It’s strange and reeks of entitlement. I’m considering bringing this up to the professor but don’t want to come across as whiny.
What sort of group project are you working on this Dec 28th? The semester is over, and all deadlines should be done.
I'd keep pinning her down on what her contribution is to the project.
"Great idea Bossy. So, what part of the project are you responsible for?"
Or, "Great thinking. I suggest you take over the blah blah section then. You can handle that, right?"
If she criticizes something you're doing, "You know, you're right. You'd be so much better at this than I am. Here, you can take over this part of the project then."
"Since you have time on your hands (to supervise, criticize), how about you take on the copying/scanning/graphics part of the presentation, or whatever."
Give her work. Pin her down in front of the others as far as what part she is responsible for. Relentlessly. With a smile.
I disagree with the people saying you should figure out how to shmooze her and just focus on the end result. I hated group projects where someone gets my grade after I do all the work. I learned to make them work for it, or at least shut up and not try to boss me around or take credit for my work.
And I'd go to the professor, if that wasn't working - unless for some reason this particular professor is some special professor who would care that you went to him/her, and it would matter in some long-term way - which I doubt.
I'd say, "Professor Lazy Butt For Making Us Do Group Projects So You Don't Have To Actually Teach Us...I'm worried about my grade for our group project because everyone in our group isn't carrying their own weight. Do you have any suggestions on how to get Bossy to contribute?"
Why not. Call her out.
She's not your boss in real life yet, so go for it.
No. If you're a strong personality yourself, why haven't you spoken up to say that in this project, all are equals, and you expect her to do her share in the actual work/research/whatever it is? Why are you being as passive as the one you label "passive"? As you point out, you're all in this together, ostensibly on an equal footing, so follow through with your belief. Your actions aren't in conformance with your words. Exercise some leadership yourself. There's nothing wrong with that. Why would you cave in to someone who appears to be using bossiness to cover up laziness? She's using the two of you.
Assert yourself. As this is a group project...demand that together you make a list of what is going into your project....Then assign each of you a portion....For example.....if you are doing a research paper, each of you needs to contribute.
Then at each meeting you each share what research you've found, you each need to write out a review....then the final paper needs to be a compilation of all three of your contributions.
Listing and seeing the contributions on paper will naturally point out the discrepancies in the "shared" work load.
I absolutely hated group projects, as I was usually the one most invested and did the most work....
Next time you have a meeting, pull out a piece of paper, write down everyone's name, and then ask each person to list what piece of the project they are completing. Write it down. If her list is empty, other than delegating, assign her a task. Be prepared in advance with a list of tasks that have yet to be completed.
Most group projects also have a peer review component. That is your opportunity to identify who contributed to the project, and who did not.
I'd keep pinning her down on what her contribution is to the project.
"Great idea Bossy. So, what part of the project are you responsible for?"
Or, "Great thinking. I suggest you take over the blah blah section then. You can handle that, right?"
If she criticizes something you're doing, "You know, you're right. You'd be so much better at this than I am. Here, you can take over this part of the project then."
"Since you have time on your hands (to supervise, criticize), how about you take on the copying/scanning/graphics part of the presentation, or whatever."
Give her work. Pin her down in front of the others as far as what part she is responsible for. Relentlessly. With a smile.
I disagree with the people saying you should figure out how to shmooze her and just focus on the end result. I hated group projects where someone gets my grade after I do all the work. I learned to make them work for it, or at least shut up and not try to boss me around or take credit for my work.
And I'd go to the professor, if that wasn't working - unless for some reason this particular professor is some special professor who would care that you went to him/her, and it would matter in some long-term way - which I doubt.
I'd say, "Professor Lazy Butt For Making Us Do Group Projects So You Don't Have To Actually Teach Us...I'm worried about my grade for our group project because everyone in our group isn't carrying their own weight. Do you have any suggestions on how to get Bossy to contribute?"
Why not. Call her out.
She's not your boss in real life yet, so go for it.
Exactly. It doesn't have to be done in a confrontational manner, simply a matter-of-fact, organizational manner.
Next time you have a meeting, pull out a piece of paper, write down everyone's name, and then ask each person to list what piece of the project they are completing. Write it down. If her list is empty, other than delegating, assign her a task. Be prepared in advance with a list of tasks that have yet to be completed.
Most group projects also have a peer review component. That is your opportunity to identify who contributed to the project, and who did not.
Another great idea. If she starts delegating (bossing), say something like, "I'm all for it. Let's create a sign-up sheet to divvy up the tasks. You go first, here you go [hand her a sheet of paper with all 3 participants' names on it)".
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