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Have you ever met folks like these? They come off as being a positive and only wanting to hear positive, happy things never wanting to hear any complaints from anyone.
Or when someone complains to them, they say stuff like: "Smile, focus on the positive, get off the pity pot, others have it worse, WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM???", roll their eyes, yawn right in your face, etc. all in an effort SHUT YOU UP so they can go on with their phony "no problems here" act which is really a defense against having to FEEL their own inner pains and fears. These "happy" folks have learned the coping skill of smiling and staying "happy" so they won't have to face and feel the bottled up, hidden and held in PAIN that happened to them in the past. It's also known as PTSD.
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Then when they're drunk, they unload their troubles and complaints in their life.
Getting drunk relaxes their "holding things in" coping skill then the pain rises to the surface and comes pouring out ALL OVER whoever is near the PTSD victim. They can't help it when the pain is either very large or there is a lot of it bottled up inside of them. It mystifies me why our culture does not recognize this fact!
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....but deep on the inside theyre a sad sack of potatoes
That describes buried trauma perfectly and the only thing that can be done is for the hurting "sad sack" to find a more useful way to VENT their bottled up pain - without drinking (or going on a shooting rampage)!
Here's the thing I find; people want you to be upbeat and happy and positive. The effort to put forth that smiling face and positivity makes me grumpy all on it's own, so then you are even more unhappy on the inside.
As I age I am realizing that I exude negativity. I judge everyone around me pretty harshly. I have become aware of it at least. I catch myself doing it as I see people's reactions to my comments.
OP, we have got to get ahold of ourselves and reverse these bad traits! Let's somehow help each other. We could start a funny thread about "what I COULD have said had I been a little less self absorbed in the moment." Maybe your thread would be different. Somehow I know it's linked to control and being "right". Hope you don't see this as a hijack, I can identify.
Here's the thing I find; people want you to be upbeat and happy and positive. The effort to put forth that smiling face and positivity makes me grumpy all on it's own, so then you are even more unhappy on the inside.
As I age I am realizing that I exude negativity. I judge everyone around me pretty harshly. I have become aware of it at least. I catch myself doing it as I see people's reactions to my comments.
OP, we have got to get ahold of ourselves and reverse these bad traits! Let's somehow help each other. We could start a funny thread about "what I COULD have said had I been a little less self absorbed in the moment." Maybe your thread would be different. Somehow I know it's linked to control and being "right". Hope you don't see this as a hijack, I can identify.
I feel like someone is going to know who I am because I said too much.
If relevant, posted in another thread:
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Originally Posted by View Post
stymie13....what do you mean? that I have inner struggles or they have inner struggles?
It is just an observation and sharing from my experience.
Nitpicking in others is often, and I'll own the responsibility, a way to shirk my own angers, fears, resentments. Instead of what's addressing what is wrong with me, what did **** me off/is **** me off/or I'm afraid of,I focus on everyone else. It's a convenient way to make me feel better about myself as employee, husband, father, son, brother, friend, etc... without actually processing the resentment, anger, fear, accepting it, turning it over, and moving forward.
I'm not saying that is true in your case. Maybe your friends are all the negative you see. If that's true, accept who they are, set clear boundaries for yourself, and the relationships grow.
There are more than we realize who are laughing on the outside and crying on the inside.
"tears of a clown" is a great song. Like Robin Williams... and many performers.
My son is "on" much of the time. He's funny and makes people laugh but there's a dark side to him. Hopefully he (they) will learn to manage. He's doing pretty well. Thank goodness.
I used to have a next door neighbor who covered her distress with being "busy." It was almost as though if she sat down long enough the stillness would jolt her into tears.
I could see that there was a lot of stress in the house but the whole family concealed that in their interactions with others. If I ever asked her how she was her response was always, "Busy, busy, busy" and then off she'd go.
I always felt sad for her because she kept people at arm's length with this strategy and she probably needed someone to talk to.
So basically its you're there to listen when they need to vent, but when it comes to yours they ain't got time for that.
Some people are selfish like that and they're not the people to pour your problems with, ending up in more frustrations. Also, you are not oblige to listen to their problems.
So basically its you're there to listen when they need to vent, but when it comes to yours they ain't got time for that.
Some people are selfish like that and they're not the people to pour your problems with, ending up in more frustrations. Also, you are not oblige to listen to their problems.
You named yourself HappyFarm and every thread I've seen you start has been you complaining about someone in your life, including this one.
There is nothing positive about that.
There's a meaning to the phrase 'Happy Farm.'
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