How to tell people you're not a hugger? (female, member, retiring)
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My husband isn't a hugger and my brother has a new girlfriend who IS a hugger. Despite the fact that my husband has told her he doesn't like to hug people, she thinks it's a joke and still goes in for the hug. The last time we saw them he just told her no and she finally seemed to get it.
If you see them going in for a hug, stick out your hand for a handshake instead and say, "Nothing personal, I'm just not a hugger with anyone." At my previous job I had a teammate that was like this. We respected her wishes. My old team and I still meet up for happy hour/dinner at least once per year and I always remind myself on the way there not to hug her when I see her.
This, except if you simply stuck out your hand, I think they would get the message.
There should be no hugging at the workplace, though, especially between men and women. Or between any personnel. I can see friends giving hugs if a coworker gets sudden calamitous news, but otherwise, hugging can get the hugger in trouble.
By holding others at arms' length, the OP is doing her male coworkers a favor.
By the way, they are hugging you because they like hugging a pretty young woman.
For some reason, I give off a vibe where people think it's ok to hug me. I feel very uncomfortable when it happens and it's been a common occurence at work within a two week time frame (all by males). One was a manager and the other two were just coworkers. Out of those 3 who hugged me, I didn't mind one of them because he's like a father figure to me (a coworker) and treats me like I'm his daughter. But the other two who hugged me, I just felt uncomfortable when they did it. This is all after a professional discussion of some kind. So how do I go about expressing this without seeming like I'm some uptight person? (I just don't like being touched, period.)
Just hold out your hand to shake immediately. That's what men do.
Then if it happens, anyway, just accept the hug. It's not a big deal, unless you think they're making a pass.
Also, make sure you are speaking in a grownup voice. Some women have tiny voices, which gives the impression of being incapable, young, etc. If you have such a voice, you have to work to get it to sound like a capable adult voice. I suspect the men view you as needing protection, which is not good if you want a career with responsibility.
A couple months ago a colleague informed me that she wasn't a hugger and I wasn't at all upset about it. Keep a slight physical distance (you probably already do), then maybe do something like shake their hand and state you are not a hugger.
For some reason, I give off a vibe where people think it's ok to hug me. I feel very uncomfortable when it happens and it's been a common occurence at work within a two week time frame (all by males). One was a manager and the other two were just coworkers. Out of those 3 who hugged me, I didn't mind one of them because he's like a father figure to me (a coworker) and treats me like I'm his daughter. But the other two who hugged me, I just felt uncomfortable when they did it. This is all after a professional discussion of some kind. So how do I go about expressing this without seeming like I'm some uptight person? (I just don't like being touched, period.)
Back away from them as they reach for you. It's not impolite or insensitive to do so.
Touching you without permission is technically illegal and can be prosecuted as simple assault.
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