Why do some people not want to reconnect with others of their past? (divorced, adults)
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Shame, fear, hurt feelings, guilt, anger, misunderstandings, humiliation, social awkwardness, a bad memory or event but mostly it's about FEAR.
Nope, not at all for me, just plain disinterest. I have a full life of family, friends, work, social obligations and I'm very content with the number of people I have in my life. My sister is one for staying in touch with anyone and everyone she's ever known and has many "best" friends. That's way too much work for me.
Be it Primary School, High School, some other place of association, what are the reasons some don't want to reconnect with people of their pasts?
Why do you care? Is this a personal issue for you?
Your school examples: didn't fit in with the group, hated the school, or just plain "has moved on".
Former workplaces: didn't have anything in common with the people there, boring, whatever.
Family: dysfunction or betrayal in the family.
In general: has forged their own life, with their own social and family circles. Has no need or interest in looking up people from the distant past.
This. They might cut people out of their lives because it's just a reminder of their painful past.
And this doesn't even have to do with childhood, adolescence, high school. People cut off others for the very reason you just stated. And this obviously includes dating/relationships.
For me personally, my school years were very hard with a lot of painful memories, I just don’t want reminders. I’m still friends with the girl who was bff from age 14 on, who was really the person who got me through it, but I just have no desire to relive those years.
The type of simple, concise, wisdom-packed replies in this thread is a reason I came to city-data so often at the end of the last decade and early in this decade.
I personally am the type who does not always let go easily. I'm a man but I have a pretty good memory and this is both good and bad.
Only 1 friend from childhood is still a friend. Our ancient history is a reason we still talk but we went through a long period in adolescence and young adulthood when we were very far from each other and had no contact. Reconnecting was fun but at first there was some awkwardness. He had turned out into a fine and responsible professional, but on a personal level, he was hard to connect with. We're still in touch out of loyalty and out of the few years in our young adulthood when we hung out regularly again.
The rest... just an exercise in life. People who are gone and sometimes we don't want to admit they have moved on even if they are geographically near us. We all simply need to realize that some relationships/friendships are "for a season," and those seasons are almost almost never going to have sequels.
As a man in my mid-40s I sometimes wax nostalgic in ways I didn't 5, 10, and 15 years ago. I think it's the fact I'm getting older. But if somebody has moved on - or if I have moved on (and I have), there's no point in trying to revive something that died a long time ago.
This weirdo found a woman on FB from HS. He started messaging her. She suggested counseling when he said he was having problems. This was the "only person who was nice to (him) in HS." Found through the magic of FB.
He stalked her for a year with nasty emails, messages. She blocked him. He tried to get her fired. They went to court and she won. She NEVER saw him in person. Barely remembered him. But through the magic of FB this nutjob (who, lets face it, probably couldn't get a date and was interested in her) found her.
A local newspaper reported on the story. Stalker sued for defamation and lost. So he shoots up the newspaper and kills 5 innocent people.
It will be a cold day in hell before I put myself on FB so that "the past" can contact me. Too many weirdos and I have a good life with too much to lose.
I'd be the first to admit that I often do think about my time living in northern Arizona, and the people whom I went to school with there, but I've never really connected with any of them. Mainly because it's been over 20 years since I've seen or talked to them, and I'd feel awkward because they'd most likely remember the socially awkward 13 year-old I was back then.
The rest... just an exercise in life. People who are gone and sometimes we don't want to admit they have moved on even if they are geographically near us. We all simply need to realize that some relationships/friendships are "for a season," and those seasons are almost almost never going to have sequels.
As a man in my mid-40s I sometimes wax nostalgic in ways I didn't 5, 10, and 15 years ago. I think it's the fact I'm getting older. But if somebody has moved on - or if I have moved on (and I have), there's no point in trying to revive something that died a long time ago.
I like what you had to say. As some of us have mentioned, it does not appear to be of much value to try maintaining a connection from one time in life, since that is what it was. It's unlikely for most to have life-long friendships, I think. Heck, many have relationships and marriages that end and do not keep those alive forever, beginning new relationships. Immediate family members usually remain close, but have seen how some do cut off from them too. I just find it unrealistic to expect there to be such a strong bond just from having been in the same neighborhood or school at one time.
Facebook has made this appear to be "normal", encouraging people to reconnect with old friends, though is not necessary or realistic. I realize some with large families may like to stay in touch that way, simply checking in with others, but the maintaining of "thousands of friends" is absurd and inauthentic. Ones I see doing this will not be communicating with those in their presence, but will be wrapped up in seeing "how many birthday wishes are received from strangers", for instance. It has been said that F B is all about narcissism.
Anyway, the person (OP) bringing this up is one of those seemingly convinced that this is important. Again, people are different and there is NOT one set way of doing or being, (except for being ethical and honest, for example).
Last edited by In2itive_1; 07-01-2018 at 06:48 PM..
Reason: More
I also was contacted by a loser weirdo on facebook, someone I knew back in high school. He wanted to try to intimidate me. But I'm not going to let that interfere with me using social media. There is this lovely little feature called "block".
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