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They have the money. He likes spending it generously on family. I would bet that he's also generous when it comes to the OP. Bet she wouldn't really want to change that trait in him.
I'm not even justifying or discussing the behavior of the other family members - the OP is not going to be able to change their behaviors or attitudes at ALL.
I get it. You are here to take a position to argue, so that the OP or anyone else that has a problem, you turn it around so they are the problem.
I agree with Kathryn. That does not mean I'm here to argue. Why would you take it that way?
(Yeah, I guess I'm on "Ignore" too.)
Welcome to the club!
Some people see differing opinions as somehow intentionally offensive behavior directed personally at them. I don't get that type of mindset but it's really not my problem.
It's not about the money, it's about the poor treatment and not offering to pitch in. It is shameful to try to justify this as spending money on a hobby which gives you pleasure. You are trying to rationalize the abuse by these in-laws. Might as well say, At least they have not physically attacked you. Come on!
Being rude =/= abuse! Come ON! The husband enjoys spending the money he's earned on his family. The OP resents that, and by extension, his family. This is NOT rocket science, it is not "abuse" - it's a spoiled brat having a tantrum.
And please - I want to be on the list too! Can I? Can I? Can I? Pretty please?
She is not being abused. I agree with the OP that it was rude for the MIL not to acknowledge the birth of her child, and that the MIL's boyfriend is getting a free ride, but calling it abuse is a stretch. She complained about her MIL staying at her BIL's house (NOT her house), complained about taking her children to see the MIL when she (the MIL) is sick, and even complained that her BIL gives her kids toys from TJ Maxx and Home Goods. First of all I think it's distasteful that she's looking at where the toy came from, rather than if it makes her child happy. Second of all, does a 2 year-old really need their toys to come from Saks and Barneys?
I also don't think OP has really tried that hard to tell her husband how all this makes her feel. All of us are guilty of thinking we told someone how something bothers us, when what we actually did was give a drive-by comment, or we say it in a way that sounds like repetitive complaining and they tune us out. If she were serious she'd stop going to these dinners. Bottom line she is stingy with money and selfish with her affection.
I agree that the husband should learn better shopping, that's something perhaps the OP could do.... But it seems neither sides are looking to work on compromise since it would mean there's a problem in the picture. The one thing I find interesting is that the OP mentioned that her husband said she basically should be there because it screws him over money wise. Obviously he does notice there's a discrepancy of fairness in this situation. She's saying they're already being screwed over, regardless of her appearance. Obviously the husband should acknowledge his wife's position, but they need to come up with a plan to deal with this. Her focus on the issues isn't helping at all and serves as a distraction to the bill problem.
OP hasn't been back for almost a week now, so I think people can stop telling her how wrong she is for being upset that her husband's family takes advantage of him, and for thinking she's entitled to care about how her family's money gets spent.
OP hasn't been back for almost a week now, so I think people can stop telling her how wrong she is for being upset that her husband's family takes advantage of him, and for thinking she's entitled to care about how her family's money gets spent.
OP hasn't been back for almost a week now, so I think people can stop telling her how wrong she is for being upset that her husband's family takes advantage of him, and for thinking she's entitled to care about how her family's money gets spent.
No, she hasn't been back because she's self-centered and stingy and most of us called her on it.
I have an old friend from my undergraduate days, and I invite him and his wife for Thanksgiving every year. I put on a very nice spread each time, including smoked salmon, a lot of imported cheeses, and champagne before dinner, and a meal consisting of an insanely-expensive free-range turkey, several home-made vegetable dishes, a nice wine or two, and a couple of home-made desserts. I put a huge amount of effort--and a lot of expense--into providing a nice day and a wonderful meal for everyone.
His "contribution" each year is to bring a box of bakery cookies, and that box seems to get just a bit smaller every year. (Actually, this year, it was just a greasy paper bag of cookies...) After dinner, he hauls-out his own plastic containers, and proceeds to help himself to lots of my leftovers. Every year, he says something along the lines of...Next year, I should take all of you out to a nice restaurant for Thanksgiving...but...he never actually does this.
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