Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Reading stories like this just fascinate me... I just have no idea how something like this can happen to people, I really don't.
I just can't imagine how someone can be told, "No, you can't visit"... and then visit anyway and end up staying for 10+ weeks. There's two sides to every negotiation, OP. You lost this one, and badly.
First thing you need to do is change the locks. Or, alternatively, PUT LOCKS ON ALL THE DOORS. I don't know how you're complaining of no privacy if you'd just lock the door when you're working from home. They only way they could get in then would be to break down the door.
And, I guess it needs to be said... It's YOUR HOME! That means your rules, your decisions, your timeframe.
Somehow I get the feeling that they've been walking all over you for your entire life.
Location: Finally the house is done and we are in Port St. Lucie!
3,488 posts, read 3,335,073 times
Reputation: 9913
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katana49
Reading stories like this just fascinate me... I just have no idea how something like this can happen to people, I really don't.
I just can't imagine how someone can be told, "No, you can't visit"... and then visit anyway and end up staying for 10+ weeks. There's two sides to every negotiation, OP. You lost this one, and badly.
First thing you need to do is change the locks. Or, alternatively, PUT LOCKS ON ALL THE DOORS. I don't know how you're complaining of no privacy if you'd just lock the door when you're working from home. They only way they could get in then would be to break down the door.
And, I guess it needs to be said... It's YOUR HOME! That means your rules, your decisions, your timeframe.
Somehow I get the feeling that they've been walking all over you for your entire life.
They had only been in their new home for about 2 weeks when the parents showed up. The guest house and all the other locks in the main home and other buildings are keyed the same.
She does lock her doors but it does no good if the guest house keys work on the main house doors also.
She knows she has to change the locks on the guest house.
All I can tell you is this - if house guests are overstaying their visit, I just tell them it's time for them to leave.
This has only actually happened to me once. We had a family emergency - my FIL had a heart attack and so my BIL and his wife took a week off from work and came here from about two hours away. This was an emergency and we have plenty of room in our house, so we were OK with this for the short haul.
Well, my FIL stabilized by the time they'd been here for five days. It was now Friday afternoon and we'd been stressed to the max and running back and forth to the hospital, dealing with my MIL as well, and my husband and I were really hoping to just relax over the weekend.
So, my totally stressed out husband took off to the grocery store for something and while he was gone, my BIL and SIL said, "Great - things are under control now - so what are we going to do this weekend for fun?"
I couldn't believe it. My husband and I were beat and had had company in our house for five days already. I couldn't believe they didn't want to just go home and relax over the weekend before they went back to work.
I looked at them for a minute and then said, "I am going to be frank with you. I don't know what you two are going to do over this weekend, but I know what we're going to do - we're going to do NOTHING and we'd really appreciate it if the two of you went home and gave us a break. My husband is too nice to tell you this, but I'm not."
Wow, I got INSTANT RESPONSE. They jumped up, packed up, and were gone before my husband even got home!
He walked in and said, "Where is my brother?" I said, "They went home. I told them to go home."
My husband grinned from ear to ear and said, "You are my hero."
Fast forward just a few weeks and now, five years later - we are all great friends. We visit them fairly often and they visit us fairly often and we all get along great. No one every stays more than two nights. It's great.
To the OP.
Please read KA's post and then read it again and really let it sink in. That is how "real adults" deal with "real adults". Open, honest and telling the truth.
Your whole fiasco started off wrong. You told your parents not to visit and they came anyway. The very, very first night you should have said, "Mom & Dad, I love you but we are too stressed out from moving to have house guests. I told you not come and I told you that you could not stay in our guest house. There are plenty of hotels in the area. Please leave and check in. If you want to meet at a restaurant for dinner tomorrow night that would be great or come over for lunch on Saturday at noon. Good bye." and shut the door.
I'll share a story. My husband's sister has lived in large three bedroom, plus an office, rec. room, etc. house, with her second husband, for about 25 years. Since they (she) only have one child, who moved out 15 years ago, they have plenty of room. To my knowledge they have never, ever had overnight guests. When they first moved into the larger house hubby & I assumed that we could visit and stay there (as she & her first husband had stayed with us in our various tiny apartments and condominiums numerous times over the years).
My SIL just said "My husband does not like house guests, so we will never allow anyone to stay overnight".
Sometimes, it almost seems ridiculous, like when she invited our daughter, who was a college sophomore at the time, to visit for a week. She and DD stayed in a hotel the entire time (thankfully SIL paid the bill). So, Auntie had a perfectly good house, with extra bedrooms, ten minutes away, where they spend time during the day and ate many meals, but always left to sleep in their hotel room.
Another time was when her other brother drove in to visit for a long weekend, while they were getting their mom settled in a new nursing home. He also assumed that he could stay there (after all they had two extra bedrooms plus several other extra rooms) but sis said "No". He had not planned for the extra expense of staying at a hotel so really had to scramble and finally ended up staying at a cousin's house.
While, it seemed pretty odd at first, now everyone in our family knows not to even ask about staying there. Her husband grew up wealthy (wealthy enough to have servants & extra bedrooms for guests) and he considers it terribly "impolite" to even ask to stay, or expect to stay, in someone's home unless it is a "manor house" (huge estate size house.) with multiple servants doing all the extra work of hosting guests. I'm pretty sure that his sisters & parents, etc. never even asked about staying there, they just assumed that they would stay in a hotel. Just another point of view.
Last edited by germaine2626; 01-16-2017 at 12:36 PM..
OP, seems like it's time to treat the parents the same way you'd treat the 20 year old kid who isn't working or going to college. Make up a contract and tell them that on Feb. 1st, the guest house converts to a rental and they need to sign the contract stating that they will pay x amount of dollars (make it a LARGE amount of money), their share of the utilities, and abide by the rules of the management, including the pet policy (no dogs). If they refuse to sign, tell them they're evicted and you will follow through. That gives them a definite date to get their stuff together and lets you off the hook because you're not tossing them in the street with no warning.
With parents. you have to be the same way you are with kids, I've found out. If you find they're ignoring your "noes" and planning on doing what they want anyway, then it's time to tell them what the consequences of that are and then stick to them. If my parents were to show up unannounced after I told them no a couple of times, I'd tell them they would end up locked out of the house on the driveway, and then do exactly that.
I get that no one wants to hurt their parents, but no one would allow their friends or their spouse or their kids to disrespect them like that, so why do parents get a free pass?
I'm sorry, I wouldn't have fallen for the mail-forwarding excuse and I would have said, "No, you can easily have that changed, you need to plan to leave the day after DD leaves."
I'm thinking you said DD was leaving sometime around the middle of this week....still a LOT of annoying month left in January after that (not to mention that, judging by the way they've operated so far, there is no guarantee they will actually leave THEN). Send them packing.
OP, have the electricity turned off in the guest house on the last day of the month. Tell them they have cost you so much in electricity during their 3 month stay that you can no longer afford to keep the electricity going in the guest house. Let them know the electricity will be turned off on January 31st and then do it. With no electricity they will have no choice but to leave. If you don't do something drastic like this your parents will stay until the spring. I guarantee it. They don't intend to go anywhere.
Also think about what you will tell them next winter when they show up with the intention of staying for three months or longer. You need to tell them early and often that they cannot come to your house and stay. Period. You can't trust them to leave so they cannot come. Send them links to all the hotels in town and ask them at which one you should make their reservation.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
