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If you really want to end your relationship, I'd go for the Niagara Falls job and sell the house. Things could be worse. Your son and his daughter might start getting it on.
What is this interesting job track of yours that takes you to a completely different part of the country every year, with continuous upward mobility with each move, and early retirement?!?!
Win, win....You take the job in Niagra Falls, you sell the house to your boyfriend, reducing the price to account for his rebuilding work...and you pay rent to your boyfriend for you son to complete his courses.
Your boyfriend lets his daughter live there. You have your son move up to where you have relocated as soon as he is finished with his courses.
Otherwise: you give your boyfriend notice to move out....He takes his daughter and finds someplace else to live, with the amount that you pay him for his work investment in your property.
Your son lives in your home, you commute to and from NYC. Your son gets a job locally and lives with you and takes care of your home while you are away.
It all boils down to what you want in the end, because it sounds like you are holding all the cards.
The thought of my son and her.... #shudder# That's a whole nother issue. I Don't trust her not to... well it will drive her insane r if he isn't interested in her.
I'm willing to seek serious counseling with him. I want to allow her the 6 weeks to get into that program. Her mother's house is very unhealthy for her and has been identified by her therapists as a trigger for her problematic behavior. I do care about her. I just can't live under the same roof.
I found out last night there is no facility and she plans to just live here. Um...no. That's when it all came to a head. The relationship was already deteriorated and that just blew it to bits.
Did he know about this and hid it from you? Or did the daughter lie to both of you?
No advice (yet; have only had 1 cup of coffee) just wanted to extend my sympathy.
I feel like blended families are way harder than in reality, although some people make it look easy. For whatever reason I'm just not good enough to pull it off very well.
It's just really hard. The upside is that you are financially viable & not stuck. You are the "I can" in the dynamic vs the "I can't".
This is not accepted theory it's just my own observation of power in relationships. And it sounds like he "still can" just not as well as you!
I would honestly say no to the daughter. She's an adult who has a lot of issues. She needs to take care of herself. You won't be there several days a week. All hell could break lose. At the end of those 6 weeks, getting her out will NOT be easy. She's now a tenant whom you would have to evict. Sounds like a mess just waiting to happen.
Being in recovery and lying about stuff like that is a massive red flag.
She is still using and dad knows this.
Have her tested and if she fails, remove her from the home.
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