Need advice... not for myself... (female, male, children, sister)
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Here is the way I see it. Me getting mad or not happy about it will only add stress on top of stress. He is a few days away from leaving the country to study abroad. Why make a big deal out of it?
If anything, this episode reminds me of an incident many years ago. Back in my early 20's, I knew a guy that was in financial trouble. He asked me for $1000 with the promise that he'd pay me back. Well, my dumbass at the time gave him $1000. A year later, I began to pressure him to pay me back. I got all of $200 back when I realized he wasn't going to pay me back and I was just wasting my time. So, I pretty much forgot about it. Last time I heard about him was this past year. He was sleeping in his car.
My point is no matter what happens, I am always light years ahead. Yes, they may try every trick to get money from us. But in the long run, we will always be light years ahead. I will always have a car to drive, a job to go to, a house to go home to, and self-respect. I don't hate them for doing what they do.
Added by edit.
And yes, this will only happen once. I will not allow it to happen again.
When I first met the 2 sisters, I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that they would always refer to sex or making love as "doing the dirty". No doubt that's what they were taught by their parents. I find it ironic because sister 1 got pregnant at 16 and sister 2 is now pregnant at 18. So, clearly teaching their kids that sex was bad and calling it "doing the dirty" worked out wonderfully in preventing them from getting pregnant at 15. LOL
When I first met the 2 sisters, I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that they would always refer to sex or making love as "doing the dirty". No doubt that's what they were taught by their parents. I find it ironic because sister 1 got pregnant at 16 and sister 2 is now pregnant at 18. So, clearly teaching their kids that sex was bad and calling it "doing the dirty" worked out wonderfully in preventing them from getting pregnant at 15. LOL
Sorry, I know I shouldn't laugh about it.
Yeah. Same reason abstinence-only education states have the highest teen pregnancies.
Ok, what should I have done when I found out my partner gave his mom a few hundred bucks?
I don't know the details of how you handled it so I don't have an answer for you, besides any suggestion I might have can't undo what's been done. I was commenting more on the tension between your rationalizations on your partner's behalf and your insistence that it won't happen again. In any case, I don't envy your situation or your partner's situation. Having sucky parents sucks.
First of all, what I'm about to say can sound unbelievable to some people because most people have not experienced something like this. If you don't believe me, please simply move on. I'm not going to waste my time trying to make you believe me.
Here's the background to the situation. My spouse and I are a gay couple.
His mom is an alcoholic and drug addict. Has been an alcoholic for as long as people can remember. The dad is also an alcoholic but not as bad. He used to beat my partner when he was little. He recently hurt his back and cannot work as a mover anymore. They are about to be kicked out of their apartment. The dad will go to stay with his brother. The mom is not welcome there. In other words, she has nowhere to go. She hasn't worked for 20 years or so. Lately every place she has applied to has denied her employment.
You can guess where this is going. She just asked my partner if she could move into our house.
A little background about us. I'm a bridge engineer. I'm currently managing a construction project of several bridges out-of-state. I won't be home for the duration of this year. My partner is a student and about to go out of the country to study abroad.
My partner absolutely will not let his mom stay in the house. He tells me all his aunts and uncles have told him she has stolen from them every time they let her stay with them in the past. He also doesn't believe this is a temporary thing because she doesn't work. Where else will she go?
I know he is right, and if I had to decide I'd probably say no as well. But it doesn't prevent the fact that it doesn't feel right. It's like watching a train wreck in slow motion...
Can anyone suggest to us what we can suggest to my partner's mom? She is telling him that she plans on living in her car... but the car doesn't even work. It overheats and needs a new radiator.
If your partner says his mom cannot stay, then his mom cannot stay. There's no way in hell i'd let someone like that stay in my unoccupied home. Of course it doesn't right...this is someone's mother...but she's clearly burned all her bridges (no pun intended) and is now facing the reality of her choices.
Tell her to call the Salvation Army or social services. She's already getting food stamps so she might qualify for additional assistance. If all else fails, you guys could offer to pay for a hotel for a couple of weeks...make sure the room is in her name, not yours.
She needs to clean herself up a bit and get a job. She doesn't have to be a 100% clean, just functional enough to carry out some simple tasks.
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