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People move away, their lives change and sometimes lose touch. It is what it is..
I say - overreacting.
An email went unanswered so now you want to decline an invite to what sounds like a perfect opportunity to spend time with old friends and enjoy catching up...? smh. So petty.
* Ffr though, most people really hate those kind of long winded emails..lol
This is the world according to TUMF... for what it's worth.
If a friend of mine for 20+ years called me and said, ' I need you' my only reply is, where are you, and I'm packing a bag and doing what I need to do to get to that location. I'll find out what junk hit the fan and what's wrong when I get there.
If a friend sends me a long winded email, I read it - perhaps several times - and wouldn't hate getting it - I'm betting I'd get a lot out of it.
To the OP: I'm very sorry that this long time friend has pretty much ignored you of late. As others have suggested, I'd go to that weekend retreat and really hope that that other couple shows up. If you've been friends that long a secluded 'It's really felt like you've been putting us off of late' conversation with the same sex as you part of that couple would perhaps open the door to finding out why.
If they DON'T show up, although you'd take that as a sign that they are putting you off, you'd still not have an answer as to why, and to me, that would annoy me to no end. If that were to happen the next weekend would be for me and my spouse to visit those friends new home town, and pay them a face to face, knock on the door visit to get an explanation that you're deserve. You may want to compose a note and print it out, and leave it with them if they don't answer the door or aren't at home when you visit.
Make the best of the rest of your weekend, and I very much hope that this is 100% resolved and everybody's best friends again.
I'm very sorry to see you're having this issue. Putting myself in your place, I know how upset I'd be about this and I really hope my suggestions work. Please let us know - and have a safe and enjoyable weekend.
For those saying "Just pick up the phone and call" -- if the truth of the matter is that the couple is just no longer "into them," that could be an extremely awkward conversation. And just because you're older, it doesn't mean you like talking on the phone. OP, you may want to send a short "test" email along the lines of "Hi, haven't heard anything from you in awhile and just wanted to make sure everything's okay" and see what kind of response you get.
Given the situation you describe, though, I think I'd skip the couples get-together. Though the fact that the other couple had no idea that the one couple was no longer corresponding with you would seem to indicate that you hadn't done something to offend the latter couple--surely if they were offended or angry it would have come up in conversation or they would have let the hosting couple know they felt uncomfortable about the group event.
We've had the same thing happen with a couple drifting away after we all moved away from the original neighborhood. Sometimes relationships just fade away and can't be revived. I understand that it's hurtful and it can seem inexplicable and that the lack of closure can be difficult.
I don't subscribe to the belief that when friends drift away it has to be because one party was an a**shole and instigated something. I've let friendships dwindle because circumstances changed and the events/places that led to our being friends were no longer relevant. We ran out of things to say to one another, for instance.
In 35 years of friendship you've only called 3 times and mainly used email and text? How did you communicate from 1982 to 1995 or whatever when there was no email? Visits only?
In 35 years of friendship you've only called 3 times and mainly used email and text? How did you communicate from 1982 to 1995 or whatever when there was no email? Visits only?
That's what I would like to know.
What an odd comment, only talked on the phone 3 times in 35 years?
I understand the reluctance to pick up the phone. That is putting them on the spot, possibly being awkward. I am avoiding doing just that with a friend who has quit answering my emails. I fear putting her on the spot. Calling would be a big deal at this point (being out of the country).
I don't know what to do either. I felt we were good friends, so now I'm wondering.
So, OP, I feel for you. And after 35 years! I can relate to your hesitation going to that cabin.
For those saying "Just pick up the phone and call" -- if the truth of the matter is that the couple is just no longer "into them," that could be an extremely awkward conversation. And just because you're older, it doesn't mean you like talking on the phone. OP, you may want to send a short "test" email along the lines of "Hi, haven't heard anything from you in awhile and just wanted to make sure everything's okay" and see what kind of response you get.
Given the situation you describe, though, I think I'd skip the couples get-together. Though the fact that the other couple had no idea that the one couple was no longer corresponding with you would seem to indicate that you hadn't done something to offend the latter couple--surely if they were offended or angry it would have come up in conversation or they would have let the hosting couple know they felt uncomfortable about the group event.
We've had the same thing happen with a couple drifting away after we all moved away from the original neighborhood. Sometimes relationships just fade away and can't be revived. I understand that it's hurtful and it can seem inexplicable and that the lack of closure can be difficult.
I don't subscribe to the belief that when friends drift away it has to be because one party was an a**shole and instigated something. I've let friendships dwindle because circumstances changed and the events/places that led to our being friends were no longer relevant. We ran out of things to say to one another, for instance.
So? It's an awkward conversation. At least you will hear in the voice the hesitation and the tone if there is a problem. You don't get that from an email or texting.
No one said it has to be a two hour conversation, you pick up the phone and you will be able to tell if there is an issue.
While it may be awkward, at least it brings some closure rather than sitting there wondering what is going on.
I understand the reluctance to pick up the phone. That is putting them on the spot, possibly being awkward. I am avoiding doing just that with a friend who has quit answering my emails. I fear putting her on the spot. Calling would be a big deal at this point (being out of the country).
I don't know what to do either. I felt we were good friends, so now I'm wondering.
So, OP, I feel for you. And after 35 years! I can relate to your hesitation going to that cabin.
Good grief. Ever occur to you something happened to her?
What is so difficult about picking up a phone? You can buy phone cards to call out of the country with.
So you would rather sit there and just wonder, rather than know?smack:
They moved. They have new friends. Maybe something changed in their life. I wouldn't stress over it. Go to the cabin. Enjoy your little vacation. I don't see what the problem is. People move on all the time.
I'm not saying call them to confront them. I'm saying pick up the phone and call them just to "catch up." Good opportunity to gauge what's going on, by their response.
One thing you definitely have to talk about is the invitation for the upcoming weekend thing. Why not just call them to see whether or not they'll be there? You know - plan some fun stuff together, that sort of thing.
Call and ask what, why don't you answer email? I am not sure what good that will do. This couple is very correct in socializing - always sends thank-you notes after coming over for dinner, etc. To no longer acknowledge an email is so out of character that that very thing is a strong message itself. They clearly have moved on to other things.
I guess my question here is not what to do about this other couple as that is what it is, it is how can this happen and why? It is a little upsetting to discover things are not what you thought they were.
Here's a crazy thought.....maybe they changed their email address! Maybe they don't want to read your very long emails.
Basically, you have no excuse why you haven't called them. You seriously have to ask why you should call them? A simple phone call can be something like hello I haven't heard form you in awhile and just wanted to make sure everyone was doing ok. Wow that tough!
One of them could be going through an illness and your emails are the last thing they want to deal with. I know when people are going through cancer treatments, many don't have the strength to read an email the length of War and Peace. And they certainly don't want to hear all about you. They want rest.
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