Mom really wants a grandchild, we're not ready...I feel its all about her! (spouse, present)
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Thank you for that. She did try to pull a "well, if you're waiting for finances don't bother, you'll never have enough!"
Well, that's partly true. There's never a perfect time. At some point you just jump in and do it. You can never be fully prepared for the changes having a child will bring.
But no, her being 53 doesn't change anything. It's still your decision when to have children.
Thank you for that. She did try to pull a "well, if you're waiting for finances don't bother, you'll never have enough!"
That's what people used to say. It's a crock. People 35 and 40 have more money that people who are 20 and 25. Many people don't have the money to have a child at 25 but they do by 35 because they have ten more years of income!
whoops. I did the math just now, and she's older than I thought. Does that change everything?
So Sorry.
And they wanted lots of kids, but due to complications they only had me, which might be another reason she's pushing? Thanks for the Lupus update, I wasn't aware, and maybe that's something she needs to know as well (if she thinks she's on death's door).
Again, very sorry... if that changes everything, I understand.
You didn't know your mother's age? Might we assume you're not 'close'?
But, no, it doesn't change anything. Even at 53 she would be a very young grandmother. Most people I know didn't become grandparents until well into their 60's and some in their 70's. But most people I know are well educated so their parents didn't become parents until after 30 and they aren't having children until mid 30's and beyond.
You didn't know your mother's age? Might we assume you're not 'close'?
But, no, it doesn't change anything. Even at 53 she would be a very young grandmother. Most people I know didn't become grandparents until well into their 60's and some in their 70's. But most people I know are well educated so their parents didn't become parents until after 30 and they aren't having children until mid 30's and beyond.
So, this heifer, who apparently got knocked-up and carrying you, at 15 or 16, wants you to have a BABY OUT OF WEDLOCK, in order that she might fit-in with the grandmothers of a bunch of WELFARE RECIPIENTS? Have I got that right?
What I'd do would be, next time she starts harping on the subject, ask her how much money she intends to contribute to your child's trust fund. And how much money does she intend to give you for the down-payment on your first home?
Is she going to pony-up, when it's time for good preschools, and (if you live in a "diversity enriched" area)private schools, K-12? Is she going to pay for the nanny, so that your baby won't be mentally scarred by being stuck, as an infant, in daycare?
Wow. I think this is a little (no, a lot) over the top. Especially the bolded. Are you saying that no child should have to go to a public school with other races?
whoops. I did the math just now, and she's older than I thought. Does that change everything?
So Sorry.
And they wanted lots of kids, but due to complications they only had me, which might be another reason she's pushing? Thanks for the Lupus update, I wasn't aware, and maybe that's something she needs to know as well (if she thinks she's on death's door).
Again, very sorry... if that changes everything, I understand.
Nope, being 53 does not change anything. BTW, IMHO that is still young to be a grandparent.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrassTacksGal
You didn't know your mother's age? Might we assume you're not 'close'?
But, no, it doesn't change anything. Even at 53 she would be a very young grandmother. Most people I know didn't become grandparents until well into their 60's and some in their 70's. But most people I know are well educated so their parents didn't become parents until after 30 and they aren't having children until mid 30's and beyond.
Most/many of my friends started having children someplace in the 30s and now their children are starting to have their children in their 30s , some even mid to late 30s, so IMHO, 53 is still pretty young to be a grandmother.
And, even if she was 73, she has absolutely no right to bug you to have children before you are ready.
OP, please do not bring a child into this world that is not deeply desired. That said, one of my great regrets is my mother passed a year before my youngest was born, but I wouldn't do anything differently. The final year of her life, I had a pre-schooler and was her caregiver, and stretched in 100 directions (all while working full time). And, my career was taking off. My oldest doesn't even remember my mom, and he was five.
She's guilting you. Let her know it's unacceptable (remember, you determine how people treat you, and that includes family).
You are right to be upset, OP. Your childbearing is your business, not your mother's .
I get how she feels though. My youngest grand child is about to be off to college, but I have a son (34) who got married last year who doesn't have children yet. I do not even ask them, because it is not my business. Not only that, but what if they couldn't have children, for some medical reason? I wouldn't want my DIL to think she wasn't important except for a vessel for children.
My only consolation is that I think HER mother and grandmother are putting pressure on her to have a baby.
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