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I think the reason I never married is I value lots of alone time. I think if I married, I would be telling my spouse...uh yeah, can you go on vacation for about 3 weeks or hang with your girlfriends in their homes for about a month or two. I need some alone time to not be worried or concerned about somebody else and their wants and needs 24 / 7. Thanks so much! LOL
I like coming home to find my house the way I left it.
My car loves being in the middle of the two car garage.
I love being in the middle of a king sized bed.
Netflix? All MINE.
Amazon Prime? That's mine too.
I make something to eat when I am hungry.
My toilet seats are always down.
My hair products have more room in the shower.
When I was married I never gave the above much thought. But the longer I live alone the more anxiety I get when I think about living with someone ever again. In a perfect world my husband would live in the house next door and we'd have a breezeway connecting our homes. We'll meet for meals, movies and sex and then go back to our respective Netflix shows.
LOL I remember posting the male equivalent of this post in another forum, and got blasted by the women there as "selfish" "immature" and "a boy that needs to grow up and be a REAL man"
Long live double standards!!
I agree that being with the wrong person is so much worse than being alone-been there, done that. Now that I met the "right" one, I too, can't imagine being anywhere w/o her. We value our own space as much as anyone, and give each other that, but what's great is that we WANT to be around the other person, it makes us happier to be in the same room.
I lived alone for a long time, just me and Red the Cat. I enjoyed that as well, so I can totally get how awesome it can be having your own place; but like i say-with the right one, it's just as awesome if not more, to be together.
I remember talking to dear old Dad about this once, he told me he enjoyed single-living too, but after a while it got old. I asked him "What about all the FREEDOM, though"? His reply was "Well, too often what many call "freedom" means there is no one at home who cares, or misses you"
I guess it's all in what you get used to. I've lived with John for over 30 years now and I'd be lost without him. That's not to say that I haven't enjoyed my vacations when he was away for a week. I loved the total freedom, but I pretty much have that any way. I'm still very much in love with him after 31 years and the regular sex is a big perk Honestly? I think I'd rather live with him then alone.
Different strokes for different folks.
I do think who you live with makes a difference. My husband and I have been married 17+ years, and we rarely fight. We rarely get on each other's nerves, and spend a lot of time together. I'm extremely grateful to have him in my life.
But I know there are some couples who do much better when they have their alone time.
I also know one woman who really enjoys being on her own, living with just her cats and dogs. She's got a great career, her own house, and is very adventurous.
But, honestly, most of the single women I know want nothing more than to spend their lives with a great guy. There don't seem to be many out there though.
It works for some, however, I've seen some women who have had good marriages, who lost their hubby, and they would never marry again, not b/c that was the only man for them, but because they to, love being alone and doing for themselves.
but you are right there are some people who cannot stand being alone....
.
Well, I think that's bc they were married to guys who increased their work.
You marry someone who is an actual help, that aspect disappears.
I work with a bunch of women who are divorced who say they love men and will date them, but they will never marry one or live with one ever again.
After living with my brother as a roommate, I can see why.
I stopped having roommates after my 3rd year of college.
Lived by myself years 4 and 5. Loved it. HATED having roommates. Even the one who was really nice.
Then lived by myself for 2 more years after college and then have not pretty much for the last 17 years (7 years with my ex and then after 7 months, the last 12 years with my wife). I like living with my s.o. It's easy, it's fun, it's comfortable, and when my family (wife/kids) leaves town (like to visit grandparents, etc), I get lonely.
Yeah not for everyone. I've been married for over 20 years and we both have a hard time when the other travels for work.
You need to figure out who you are by living alone?
It's nice to share your life with someone. Definitely nice to have someone to help out with cooking dinner, mowing the lawn, shoveling snow, doing laundry, going grocery shopping, do the dishes, plant the garden, water the lawn, pick up after the cats and dogs, figure out what to have for diner, figure out where to go to dinner, share dinner/lunch/breakfast with, etc. Being alone all the time isn't good for one's mental health. There's a reason they don't put people in solitary confinement for too long....they end up looney.
Sharing life with someone, to me, doesn't enlist chores like you have mentioned above....not to me anyway....I can do all those things, without the desire of having help with them....I am and have been all my life a very independent person, and feel that is why I felt "smothered" when with someone.
Living alone opens the door to finding oneself, to actually know who we are and what our needs are, which we all have, but we all don't agree on the same needs.
It is extremely important to be well with oneself, before one chooses a life time partner, so that we can better suit and enhance ourselves. If you enter into a relationship before knowing that maturity of oneself, we can very easily misunderstand, why it is we need someone in our life.
As far as solitary confinement goes, my life if filled with people, a far stretch from solitary confinement, as I work every day, (my choice) and I do have friends and relatives which I have to keep at bay for the purpose of peace and quiet. I meet with someone almost every weekend for Sat. nite dinner and that is enough for me, any more and I would become anxious....
I've found out, that I can't live up to the expectations of others, none of us can...and having friends, close, seems to unfold in expectations....I have learned to chose my friends wisely, people who are not into drama, gossip, and have a pretty good outlook on life. Awareness is the key, awareness of the self, and knowing that others are the way they are and you either love em or leave em. Period.
I do have friends who are able to accept anyone as they are, I can no longer do that....if I have someone in my life, who is smothering, demanding, wants me to think and feel as they do, I've got to cut them out of my life or I would end up looney. LOL
Seriously, life is way too short to deal with needy people....and I have had to cut a lot of people from my life....which makes it even more fulfilling and peaceful.
Well, I think that's bc they were married to guys who increased their work.
You marry someone who is an actual help, that aspect disappears.
I work with a bunch of women who are divorced who say they love men and will date them, but they will never marry one or live with one ever again.
After living with my brother as a roommate, I can see why.
I stopped having roommates after my 3rd year of college.
Lived by myself years 4 and 5. Loved it. HATED having roommates. Even the one who was really nice.
Then lived by myself for 2 more years after college and then have not pretty much for the last 17 years (7 years with my ex and then after 7 months, the last 12 years with my wife). I like living with my s.o. It's easy, it's fun, it's comfortable, and when my family (wife/kids) leaves town (like to visit grandparents, etc), I get lonely.
Hi Stan4, haven't seen you for a long time....
Yes, I believe your right, and trust me, I love men, but most of them, b/c of how their mother's raised them are a chore....some more than others.
there is a great self awareness which comes from living alone...which I've enjoyed and will continue to enjoy...when in a relationship or marriage with someone, it is easy to give up a part of yourself to compromise or make someone else happy. I seemed to be the one always doing that.
When I think about it, I've taken care of others all my life...even as a young girl I took care of my mother...doing all the house chores, going to school, and working part time, not to mention my adult life, so I had enough of taking care of others to last the rest of my life. My husbands were extremely lazy...b/c they're mothers did everything for them and raised a monster for the women they were to marry. Bad move on their mother's part.
But, yes, I know women who had good marriages, who would never even date again, b/c relationships are hard work...
I'm just not willing to give up this part of me any longer....I literally enjoy my alone time and never get lonely....and if I would, I can always pick up the phone or go visit someone. LOL
When I was married, I thought it was really great, but now that I'm living alone, it honestly wasn't so great.
It works for some, however, I've seen some women who have had good marriages, who lost their hubby, and they would never marry again, not b/c that was the only man for them, but because they to, love being alone and doing for themselves.
I tell you true, when it's forced on you to be alone, you lose a loved one, it so totally disturbs your whole being...
but given time, some of us, really learn to love it...
I'm one of these. I enjoy not sharing my home, my bed or my life with a spouse. I eat when & what I want, I watch what I want on TV and I don't have to share the remote.
I would like to be in a relationship. Not necessarily LIVING with someone, and definitely NOT married!
I'm thinking of the Barbra Streisand song "People" from the movie Funny Girl. That's me.
Yanno what is funny, human beings are unable to allow or let well enough alone....what I mean is, that I've found, people no matter what, or who they are, or believe, always want something more from you, and I'm at the stage in my life where I'm unwilling to give just to keep peace....or to have someone in my life.
in every relationship there is give and take, and always one person gives more...that's just the way it is....
and I'm just not into that any longer....I gave and gave even in friendships, and people walked all over me, b/c I let them, no more...
to me, it isn't worth the effort...
I was dating a man for a short time, and he was always late...always, and sometimes an hour....(looking back now, I think he was testing my patience and to see how far he could go) drove me nuts, b/c I am a punctual person. Well, one particular evening, I was late by oh, maybe 10 or 15 minutes, due to traffic, and he got all upset on me and said I should have called....well I don't and won't talk on the phone when I drive....it was ok for him to make me wait, but one time, I was late and he got his dander up....no sir, no more do I ever want to be in a relationship...and some people, I found out, you don't really know who they are, until you live with them, as they can hide that when your dating.
I have to say, I really love living with my husband. It's so easy. Our personalities are very similar.
I hate doing dishes and I do not love cooking. I am grateful every single day that I have someone who does both.
We do work opposite shifts so there are many times we don't see much of each other. But still.
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Honestly? I think I'd rather live with him then alone.
