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How do you deal with snide comments, insults disguised as a joke, and general undermining behaviour sometimes in front a group or sometimes alone. Outwardly acting friendly but they have a problem with you. Do you find that people just cannot express their aggression in an upfront way. When you try to talk to them they clam up and won't discuss the issue, explode with anger with an argument and try to accuse you of being aggressive.
How do you handle this. Have you ever taken the person away into room by themselves and actually worked out your problems together? Has anyone ever successfully dealt with this type of situation? Why do so many people behave like this?
Nothing I do nothing, when someone acts in a way I dislike, I do not interact with them. Perhaps the question for you should be, why do you care about how someone acts or comes across? It's their problem not yours.
Virtually none of what you describe is passive-aggressive behavior. And I don't think you want people expressing their anger in an upfront way in work or social situations. Just because I don't like you doesn't mean I'm going to rage at you in front of other people. If I'm expected to maintain group cohesion, that's what I'll do even if I'd rather stab you in the thigh with my lunch spork.
Quote:
Originally Posted by convextech
The best way to nip this in the bud is to confront them right after a snide comment when in a group.
"Look, you've made it obvious that you don't care for me for whatever reason. To that end, keep your comments to yourself, and in return, I'll ignore you appropriately in the future."
Its generally cowardly behavior where they think they can get away with it, score a point, and hide away claiming not have done or said anything, sort of like guerilla warfare where they won't fight in the open. I think it shows there the weaker person if they have to behave like this. They view you as stronger if they have to behave like this.
I agree its best to keep nip in the bud as soon as possible if they think they can get away it then they continue. If they say things repeat it back to them, ask them if there trying embarrass you, as them for clarification keep shining a light on them. Ask the why they keep saying things like this.
Just kidding. I would try to avoid those people. They embarrass themselves with their behavior, no need for me to engage much or reply. Just say "REALLY?? Interesting ..."
How do you deal with snide comments, insults disguised as a joke, and general undermining behaviour sometimes in front a group or sometimes alone. Outwardly acting friendly but they have a problem with you. Do you find that people just cannot express their aggression in an upfront way. When you try to talk to them they clam up and won't discuss the issue, explode with anger with an argument and try to accuse you of being aggressive.
How do you handle this. Have you ever taken the person away into room by themselves and actually worked out your problems together? Has anyone ever successfully dealt with this type of situation? Why do so many people behave like this?
Many reasons. They don't like you, and now they're showing you they don't like you. Or you hurt them in some way (doesn't matter if it was unintentional), so now they're hurting you back.
They're doing it from a distance because it protects themselves and is safer for themselves, while still hurting you. They also don't like confrontation, so they're doing it from a distance. Why don't they like confrontation? Because they're afraid of what you'll say back to them. But attack from a distance, and they don't have to deal with how you'll react. This is also why they clam up when you try to talk to them or accuse you of being aggressive: you confronted them, they felt offended and judged by you, and now they're being defensive.
In other words, they can dish it, but can't take it.
Do you actually WANT them to express their aggression in an upfront way?? As in diss you to your face instead of the snide comments, insults disguised as a joke, etc?
If you do object to their behavior, you're accused of being "overly sensitive".
Thank you! I got that thrown at me last summer when I complained to friends who were overly snarky. She said, "You were always super sensitive." Grrrr.
How do you deal with snide comments, insults disguised as a joke, and general undermining behaviour sometimes in front a group or sometimes alone. Outwardly acting friendly but they have a problem with you. Do you find that people just cannot express their aggression in an upfront way. When you try to talk to them they clam up and won't discuss the issue, explode with anger with an argument and try to accuse you of being aggressive.
How do you handle this. Have you ever taken the person away into room by themselves and actually worked out your problems together? Has anyone ever successfully dealt with this type of situation? Why do so many people behave like this?
I call the person out on it for being a *****/coward **** beta.
Unless you're at work or somewhere where being passive aggressive is your only sensible alternative, mainly because any other sort of reaction would most likely be a detriment to the task/conversation at hand, there is no excuse for being a cowardly beta and taking the passive aggressive route.
It doesn't help that these same cowards are very much part of that same crowd that wants to correlate confrontation with negativity, or aggression.
You can be confrontational and still be sensible, reasonable, and respectful.
I am a man who was raised to be honest, and there is no fine print nor caveat involved. If it hurts your feelings, so be it, that probably means there's some truth to the statement, which means there was even more value to the statement.
It's sad that in this day and age honesty is looked down upon.
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