Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Ok, I think it's rather rude to stereotype stay-at-home mothers this way. And I think you are reinforcing the insult with your user name "two incomes". I don't work outside the home, but I can assure you I don't have tons of free time. I am not involved with cliques of women. I spend most of my days driving kids to and from appointments, activities (scouting, sports, dance, church), pay bills, clean the house, do the laundry...and basically don't have the free time you are describing.
If the cliques bother you so much, why don't you just start your own?
Or alternatively, try to figure out what you are doing that has made these people decide they don't want to be involved with you. Because it sounds like, from your defensive tone, that this is what's going on.
Who is stereotyping? The OP is stating that that is the behavior of those stay at home moms. And I might add I've seen quite a few stay at home moms cause a lot of drama. Particularly when the kids are older and don't need their mommy anymore.
We live in a very friendly village and our neighbors are like family now. We've pretty much lived together for decades now. The new young couple that have moved in are part of the family now as well. Our house is the go to place on Halloween. It's Mayberry. That's one of my concerns about moving. Not having this close knit community would be a terrible loss for me. I crashed the block party one block over last summer and I had a blast. We even have a Mayberry ice cream shop. It will be opening for the season soon, which will be good and bad. I couldn't imagine living some place cliquish and cold. That's sad.
Who is stereotyping? The OP is stating that that is the behavior of those stay at home moms. And I might add I've seen quite a few stay at home moms cause a lot of drama. Particularly when the kids are older and don't need their mommy anymore.
So no working moms are in these cliques? Wow, a whole community who has that many SAHMs that they just rule the roost, huh?
I think the attitude is the problem the OP is facing. I have no clique. I am a SAHM. I used to be a working mom. And a work for my self mom. A business owner mom. This "outside looking in" isn't about if you work or not. Its just easy to point that out as "the problem".
I moved and found "Minnesota nice" where I ended up and haven't made a group of friends like I used to have. But its just that I don't have a lot in common with the other "groups" of moms. But I am not bitter, and I don't group people all together in an insulting way to explain my lack of a close group
Any of you live in a cliquey town or neighborhood? I sure do on both accounts.
What is your town or neighborhood like on the clique scale?
I cannot really relate (male, retired, living rurally so no real cliques), but your lead-in reminded me of a book that came out a couple years back about a highly cliquey group of stay-at-home mothers in NY City. It is quite a rarefied group but the book is a real hoot. The book is not fiction. The book is called Primates of Park Avenue: A Memoir.
Any of you live in a cliquey town or neighborhood? I sure do on both accounts.
We have a lot of stay at home moms who have nothing better to do than to spend time trying to get to know everyone and decide who is "in" and who is "out". You of course can't have a clique that everyone is in because then it wouldn't be a clique anymore.
But I have come to great realization: I live here and there is nothing anyone else can do about it. They can't vote me out of the neighborhood, my children out of the school, or me out of the town. So ultimately it doesn't matter if I'm "in" or "out". It honestly makes little difference.
What is your town or neighborhood like on the clique scale?
There was slightly growing up but in a good way ( we had each other's back ) but now there's not much community spirit or as welcoming possibly because of how diverse it is now in London i.e. Difference in cultures/language etc.
So no working moms are in these cliques? Wow, a whole community who has that many SAHMs that they just rule the roost, huh?
I think the attitude is the problem the OP is facing. I have no clique. I am a SAHM. I used to be a working mom. And a work for my self mom. A business owner mom. This "outside looking in" isn't about if you work or not. Its just easy to point that out as "the problem".
I moved and found "Minnesota nice" where I ended up and haven't made a group of friends like I used to have. But its just that I don't have a lot in common with the other "groups" of moms. But I am not bitter, and I don't group people all together in an insulting way to explain my lack of a close group
Plenty of working moms also act like that, yes. And if you read my post carefully you'll also see that I'm not grouping all stay at home moms in this either. I'm saying that I've seen a lot of it. Maybe the mom of many talents you are needs some thicker skin.
Plenty of working moms also act like that, yes. And if you read my post carefully you'll also see that I'm not grouping all stay at home moms in this either. I'm saying that I've seen a lot of it. Maybe the mom of many talents you are needs some thicker skin.
I pointed out that I do have a thick skin. Not being on the inside of a group doesn't hurt my feelings and I don't go around blaming others for my lack of a close group. Anyways, I would much rather have a couple of genuine friends then be part of a big group.
Who is stereotyping? The OP is stating that that is the behavior of those stay at home moms. And I might add I've seen quite a few stay at home moms cause a lot of drama. Particularly when the kids are older and don't need their mommy anymore.
YOU are stereotyping stay at home mothers also by saying they are the ones causing all the 'drama'.
It is entirely none of your business if a person stays home and doesn't work - even if their kids are grown, or even if they have no kids at all! Nobody needs an "excuse" or permission from society to validate their decision to stay out of the workforce.
Perhaps they don't need to work and are financially well off. Or maybe not. But it's still none of your business why the person isn't working and it truly never will be.
It might be offensive but it's an accurate description for the SAHMs that I've run into in this community. The little cliques that they form get into tiffs with competing cliques. Sometimes these may be centered around one school versus another or one neighborhood versus another. Attorneys have been contacted at times when things get too heated competing among the cliques.
At school PTSA meetings they like to have little dress up contests who among the PARENTS to see is the most creative, etc. Complete nonsense...who has time to participate in dress up contests for grown adults, and why does it matter who is creative versus who is not creative among grown adults? It's simply a way of establishing a pecking order among the cliques so all of them can know who is boss, who leads the town, and who the followers are.
As you probably can guess, I'm not in the inner circle. But I've come to realize that none of this matters, and just to ignore it. I live here, and that's not changing unless I want it to change, and those who want to put me in a pecking order can just shove it.
Nope. I've never seen anything like this, thankfully.
How do you know all of this, especially about the attorneys? It sounds like gossip that might not even be true.
I have a neighbor who complains that he is not in the "inner circle" - the "old timers club", as he puts it. He says that I am part of that "group." That's interesting, since I am a relative newcomer to the area, and he has been here a long time!
When I was younger - in high school and college - I felt very much like my neighbor - that it was the fault of others that I was not in their clique, the inner circle. But as I've gotten older, I realized that if I am not part of a supposed inner circle, I should go look in a mirror. If I do that, I will see the "problem" staring back at me. When I started looking in the mirror, I realized I needed to change *me* - I couldn't change the others, and *I* was a major part of the problem. Since identifying the problem and making an effort to change it (me!), I now have friends. I am not the social butterfly of my town/neighborhood, but I have more social opportunities than I've ever had - don't have time for all of them!
My advice to you, OP, is to make an effort to reach out to your neighbors. Offer to help them with neighborhood projects; ask them out for coffee (one at a time, not the entire gang at once). Express a genuine interest in them, and a desire to share life with them.
great post gabby
a couple decades ago ...a bunch of us use to get together a few times a year,,,we all went to high school together
we stopped inviting john...because he never matured..... he confronted me ...so i told him the cold truth,,,i said john,,,do you ever listen to your own words??? you try to "one up" everybody in the group.....no matter what we are talking about....and you put down anything and everything you can...so we tend to be tight lipped so we dont have to listen to you,,,,we had to make a decision,,,,either confront you as a group,,,that you are a dick-weed....or just not invite you..
then i quickly said ... john i bought a boat this spring" and before i could take another breathe john is saying how big and fast his boat is.....so i said there ya go john even after i tell you all this,,,you still do it....... you feel you have to almost put others down....i said you think about that.... from now on,,,,,you arent 12 anymore stop being so damn competitive!!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
That's one of my concerns about moving. Not having this close knit community would be a terrible loss for me. I crashed the block party one block over last summer and I had a blast. We even have a Mayberry ice cream shop. It will be opening for the season soon, which will be good and bad. I couldn't imagine living some place cliquish and cold. That's sad.
