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I'm going to cut OP a bit of slack. It is very difficult to be around a person who is in a black mood. I just don't think this is the time to walk away from a very long friendship, and a couple of emails are not much price to pay.
This is why some depressed people go into hibernation mode as I call it. I know when I'm going through a period of serious depression that nobody wants to be around me and frankly, I don't have the energy when I'm dealing with it to even talk to people. I just wait it out. It's hell living with chronic depression.
your depressed friend doesn't sound like he is asking anything from you; you're just not sure how long you can take reaching out to him and him not changing or trying to change? This is frustrating but if he really does have major depression, he needs more help than you can give him. It's also hard finding just the right kind of Dr or Therapist that can help you.
I don't think that emailing or calling him once a week is asking too much of you. He speaks to his sister so hopefully if she saw any signs of the depression getting worse (suicidal tendencies) she would get immediate help. Why don't you tell his sister that if she ever needs you, she can call you? Support givers are often under-appreciated and they need support too.
This is why some depressed people go into hibernation mode as I call it. I know when I'm going through a period of serious depression that nobody wants to be around me and frankly, I don't have the energy when I'm dealing with it to even talk to people. I just wait it out. It's hell living with chronic depression.
My wife is bipolar 2. As such she has periodic depressive episodes and is going through one right now. There's no rhyme nor reason to them. The just occur. We've been married for a bit over 20 years and she "warned" me about the depressions before she agreed to marry me. I married her because we'd been friends for five years and there is so much more to and about her than a mere diagnosis. It doesn't define her. When the depressions hit I'm simply supportive, take over all the household duties which includes all the shopping and cooking and reaffirm my love for her. She's worth it. In time the depressions lift and she's comforted by my love and willingness to take care of her and everything else. Support and caring are important and very therapeutic.
My wife is bipolar 2. As such she has periodic depressive episodes and is going through one right now. There's no rhyme nor reason to them. The just occur. We've been married for a bit over 20 years and she "warned" me about the depressions before she agreed to marry me. I married her because we'd been friends for five years and there is so much more to and about her than a mere diagnosis. It doesn't define her. When the depressions hit I'm simply supportive, take over all the household duties which includes all the shopping and cooking and reaffirm my love for her. She's worth it. In time the depressions lift and she's comforted by my love and willingness to take care of her and everything else. Support and caring are important and very therapeutic.
I have bipolar and have more of a tendency toward depression than I do mania. OP, it is very common for people undergoing a bad depression to withdraw into themselves and be consumed with the lack of energy, lack of focus, and the other symptoms that come with this frustrating disorder. I can understand your frustration because you can't just "fix" someone who is depressed, but I guarantee that he is at least twice as frustrated as you are. Ask him outright what he needs. And be patient. He might have a tough time articulating what he needs. It helps that you are keeping contact with him because too many people are less than understanding and even abandon people that are going through something like this. It is good that he is going through therapy and seeing a psychiatrist, but even so, it takes a lot of work and trial and error to overcome a bad depression. Even getting out of bed or simple self-care is next to impossible for someone who is severely depressed. Just being there is a good start.
At the same time, I know that close friends and family can get overwhelmed and frustrated with someone going through something like this, especially if they don't quite understand the magnitude. It is important that you practice your own self-care because it is tiring being in caregiver mode. One of the things that helped me, and something that you might suggest to him, is seeking out a support group, either in person or online. It helped me to know that many others knew how I felt and people have suggestions for coping skills. Please be patient and continue to be there for your friend. Just like it cannot rain all the time, depressions tend to lift, and he will once again be able to be there for you as he was in the past.
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