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Old 03-09-2017, 11:48 AM
 
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I have two friends who are a couple who seem to think that I don't like them all of a sudden. I am naturally a quiet person at some times and more talkative at other times. Last night, the three of us hung out and I was quieter because I was tired and not cracking that many jokes (which I never really do anyway), and after they dropped me off at my house, they both texted me separate times asking if I was feeling ok and if I still liked hanging out with them. I said of course I do. I wasn't aware that my personality last night was so different than usual. I guess I was a bit tired, but they still don't seem convinced that I still like them. We are all going to California for a week this summer, so I obviously wouldn't do that if I didn't like them. Sometimes third wheeling can be a little lonely, since there used to be 4 of us in the group when I was still with my ex, but I love hanging out with them and was actually afraid to lose them as friends when my ex dumped me, since she was friends with them first. But they are no longer friends with her since I don't speak to her. I clearly wouldn't be afraid to lose them as friends if I didn't like them. I feel more guilty about how I somehow came off as not liking them anymore. I wouldn't hang out with them if I didn't like them. I just don't get it all of a sudden. Any suggestions?
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Old 03-09-2017, 12:08 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
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It seems odd that they would worry you don't like them after just one evening of your being low-key. Was it just that one time that caused their doubts?
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Old 03-09-2017, 12:21 PM
 
361 posts, read 210,562 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
It seems odd that they would worry you don't like them after just one evening of your being low-key. Was it just that one time that caused their doubts?
Yeah, I think so. There was another time that they mentioned to me that they felt like I was very quiet around them and didn't open up that much, but besides that, they never mentioned it. I hang out with them easily 2-3 times per week when I am home, and I'm certainly not doing that out of obligation. I do it because I genuinely like them.
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Old 03-09-2017, 12:34 PM
 
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Sounds like major communication issues all around. Personally I don't get a couple texting you separately, I mean doesn't anyone talk anymore? One of them could have actually called you. JMO, I don't think texting is the way to go when someone thinks there is an emotional issue involved.

Did you express to them that you were tired? Doesn't sound like you did. People aren't mind readers. Had you just said "hey guys I'm really tired, I am not up for much and want to make it an early evening"....that let's everyone knows whats going on.

And before you go on this trip to CA(my state) you better really discuss with them and agree on what your plans will be. Given the state of your current communication I can see you arriving out here and they have one idea of what the vacation will be and what you think it will be.

And when I mean discuss I don't mean texting, sit down with the two of them and make sure you're all on the same page about what the vacation will be.
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Old 03-09-2017, 12:39 PM
 
16,720 posts, read 14,706,912 times
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Originally Posted by xxblue20 View Post
There was another time that they mentioned to me that they felt like I was very quiet around them and didn't open up that much, but besides that, they never mentioned it. I hang out with them easily 2-3 times per week
Maybe they are gently hinting that you need to quit being down-in-the-mouth about your ex not being there? I don't know if that even comes up, but I had a friend that was suddenly single, and her attitude brought all of us in the group down. I get being sad, but if she can't go out with her friends and at least make an attempt to have fun, she should have stayed at home until she's out of her funk.
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Old 03-09-2017, 12:52 PM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
22,563 posts, read 24,154,474 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xxblue20 View Post
Yeah, I think so. There was another time that they mentioned to me that they felt like I was very quiet around them and didn't open up that much, but besides that, they never mentioned it. I hang out with them easily 2-3 times per week when I am home, and I'm certainly not doing that out of obligation. I do it because I genuinely like them.
But if you're tired and don't think you're going to be good company, maybe don't hang out with them that day? It just sounds like they were wondering if you're okay.
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Old 03-09-2017, 01:02 PM
 
361 posts, read 210,562 times
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Originally Posted by convextech View Post
Maybe they are gently hinting that you need to quit being down-in-the-mouth about your ex not being there? I don't know if that even comes up, but I had a friend that was suddenly single, and her attitude brought all of us in the group down. I get being sad, but if she can't go out with her friends and at least make an attempt to have fun, she should have stayed at home until she's out of her funk.
My ex never ever comes up in the conversation. And I frankly hate the girl too, so I'm actually happy that she's not there.
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Old 03-09-2017, 01:04 PM
 
361 posts, read 210,562 times
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Originally Posted by seain dublin View Post
Sounds like major communication issues all around. Personally I don't get a couple texting you separately, I mean doesn't anyone talk anymore? One of them could have actually called you. JMO, I don't think texting is the way to go when someone thinks there is an emotional issue involved.

Did you express to them that you were tired? Doesn't sound like you did. People aren't mind readers. Had you just said "hey guys I'm really tired, I am not up for much and want to make it an early evening"....that let's everyone knows whats going on.

And before you go on this trip to CA(my state) you better really discuss with them and agree on what your plans will be. Given the state of your current communication I can see you arriving out here and they have one idea of what the vacation will be and what you think it will be.

And when I mean discuss I don't mean texting, sit down with the two of them and make sure you're all on the same page about what the vacation will be.
I expressed that I am quiet a lot of the time, around anybody, not just them.
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Old 03-09-2017, 01:20 PM
 
17,002 posts, read 20,686,468 times
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Originally Posted by xxblue20 View Post
I expressed that I am quiet a lot of the time, around anybody, not just them.
So? Quiet doesn't mean you can't say "I'm feeling tired tonight".

Clearly you didn't do that because both of them texted you separately to see if there was something wrong.

I don't care how quiet you are, if you're planning a long distance trip everybody better be on the same page as to what the trip involves.
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Old 03-09-2017, 01:39 PM
 
361 posts, read 210,562 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin View Post
So? Quiet doesn't mean you can't say "I'm feeling tired tonight".

Clearly you didn't do that because both of them texted you separately to see if there was something wrong.

I don't care how quiet you are, if you're planning a long distance trip everybody better be on the same page as to what the trip involves.
Would you freaking relax dude? Seriously. I mentioned the trip one time in my post, and it's not even the main point. It's something I wouldn't be doing if I truly disliked them, and I just wanted to mention it. But anyway, if they ask about it again, I'll just say I was tired.
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