Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 03-17-2017, 03:40 PM
 
1,190 posts, read 1,023,284 times
Reputation: 1034

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Berrie143 View Post
I moved out of my home state nearly 2 years ago. It's a 3 hour plane ride and I myself have made the trip back 4 times already and have taken my kids 3 times. I knew when I moved that I would most likely shoulder most of the burden of travel since my own family of origin is stubborn and my mother isn't able to travel much these days but.....

The thing is, I am already tired of it being ME who has to spend copious amounts of money, arrange our schedule and deal with the hassles of traveling. NO ONE in my own family has come to visit us once. NO ONE has expressed any real interest in visiting us. Granted, our move wasn't exactly a favored one from my family's point of view but I had hoped that nearly 2 years in they would have some sort of inkling to see the life we've created here and want to share with them.

My husband's family is totally different; my FIL has been out 3 times, my SIL and her family 3 times and my MIL now lives here.

A conversation that I had with my father as he was driving us to the airport was illuminating because he told me that he "thinks" that my siblings feel as if since I'm the one who moved that I am the one who should always travel back. Is that the way it is supposed to be? Should the ones who've moved away shoulder that burden? Am I responsible for always having to come back to see everyone just because I was wanting a better life in another state and didn't ever want to live off my parent's money?
Sorry you are missing them

Just a rhetorical question-You want your parents to spend their money on travel so what is the difference??

At the very least, you could offer to pay for their transportation since it was you who moved away from them.... and not vice versa. JMHO
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 03-17-2017, 03:48 PM
 
1,190 posts, read 1,023,284 times
Reputation: 1034
Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin View Post
I thought your name looked familiar. Your the poster who left CA for TX and your mother is in poor health.

Your sister is the primary caregiver for your mom and you did posts how she should pay rent, even though she lives with your parents and is doing a job that if the family had to pay someone would be paying out easily several hundred dollars a week.

You also don't like your brother.

So why on earth do you want them to visit? To show off the big house in TX and smirk about how you can get more in TX? Of course you can get a bigger house in TX than CA, but than it's in TX.

Look it was your choice to move away and certainly your right.

But your mom can't travel, your sister who does the caregiving can't travel, why would you want your brother to visit, so that leaves your dad, who probably wouldn't go without your mom.

If you're going to post paint the whole picture. Your husband's family can visit because they're not dealing with a major family health issue.

And your husband and kids don't have to go every time. Go by yourself.

Limit your visit to once a year.


TO THE OP-

Even more reason to take responsibility for them.
You need to be helping to care for your parents back home
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-17-2017, 07:09 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in America
15,479 posts, read 15,566,864 times
Reputation: 28462
When we moved from NY to Sc, both families were like oh we'll visit. Very few did. They demanded that we visit for holidays, birthdays, funerals (yeah because flying is so cheap that most people can easily afford a ticket with 2 days notice), etc. We visited a few times, but we went on our terms. We couldn't just take off. We have responsibilities - dogs, cats, jobs, etc. Many people don't understand that. Then you ask them to drop everything and go somewhere....they look at you like you have 8 heads! We can't just drop everything ever. Between the pets and our jobs, it's just not possible. We have to plan our vacations a minimum of 4 months in advance due to our jobs and vacation approval.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-17-2017, 08:54 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in America
15,479 posts, read 15,566,864 times
Reputation: 28462
Quote:
Originally Posted by GeoffD View Post
I don't the crying poor mouth.

Assuming California means LAX, you can hop on Spirit at DFW for $115 round trip. It's a warm weather place so you can just fly with just your personal item and avoid all their fees. Or pick your days on Southwest and you can get there for sub-$160 round trip or less if there's a fare sale. ...or take one of the majors for $200 to $300 well in advance. For $115, you can blow into town solo for a weekend a few times per year if you feel so inclined. Leave the hubbie home with the rug rats.
Not everyone wants to or is comfortable flying on the cheapo airlines. I've heard numerous horror stories about Spirit. Wouldn't fly with them if the flight was free!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-17-2017, 09:11 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in America
15,479 posts, read 15,566,864 times
Reputation: 28462
Quote:
Originally Posted by WorldKlas View Post
When I left for college in the midwest, my parents and siblings lived on the east coast but during the time I was attending college they moved to the SF Bay area. So, my entire life was spent -- most vacations -- visiting. And my parents visited me less than five times in 40 years. But any time we took a family trip that did not involve visiting them, they became upset and showered on the guilt. They never offered to pay the airplane fares for our family of five. They were always asking when I was coming home (what, I did not grow up in California!) or when I was moving closer to them. We often looked at houses but the cost of homes in the Bay area was beyond our ability to provide a decent home and schools.

When my kids were in high school, my DH was transferred to San Diego and we kept our Dallas home (I stayed behind so the kids could finish school) and got a condo in San Diego. My parents and sibs never once visited there, either! A short, cheap airplane ride. But the expectation continued that when I was in CA, I'd plan a visit to the Bay area.

This friction never stopped. Finally, my family did come to visit.....for my husband's funeral. I finally learned to become my own person and visit when it made sense in my life.
OMG! That's HORRIBLE! I can't imagine it taking someone dying for a family member to visit. That's insane! I guess it shows how self centered people really are. It's also bizarre that your parents didn't want to visit their grandchildren!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-17-2017, 09:16 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in America
15,479 posts, read 15,566,864 times
Reputation: 28462
Quote:
Originally Posted by mishigas73 View Post
I get the "moving away" part of it. Shoot, I'm all for people doing what's best for them.

But to move and then expect that others will follow, at least to visit? That's an awful big expectation.
Oh it's definitely not about money for some people. I have family who somehow managed to rent a house on Cape Cod in the summer - peak season, go to Disney World every other year and stay in a condo, go on vacation to the beaches in Maryland.....all of these were 1+ week vacations.

Some relatives just don't give a crap about specific family members. It's sad, but it is what is. You could offer them a million dollars cash to visit you for 3 days and they would have 150 excuses.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-17-2017, 09:40 PM
 
Location: NYC
16,061 posts, read 26,694,582 times
Reputation: 24848
It's hard to visit for many reasons. Money and vacation time are probably the top two. My parents were always very understanding that we didn't fly out often to visit them. We didn't have a lot of money or vacation time.

Now since we are in a better place I go as often as possible. I think when you are the one visiting home it is easier in the sense you get to see everyone including friends. They may think you want to come home.

When we moved away only two friends came and visited us. We lost touch with pretty much everyone else.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-17-2017, 10:29 PM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
11,495 posts, read 26,804,382 times
Reputation: 28031
My sisters both moved away, and I don't go to visit them. One is only an hour and a half drive away, but I don't visit her because I can't breathe in her house and I can't eat in restaurants so there's nothing we can really do except stand in her front yard and chat for a little while. The other is across the country from me and health issues and finances make it difficult to make that trip.

The other reason I don't go visit my sisters is that they both took off and left me to deal with everything my parents might eventually need. They won't even call my mother to ask how she and my dad are doing, they expect to get their updates through me.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-18-2017, 07:44 AM
 
1,303 posts, read 1,809,811 times
Reputation: 2486
Quote:
Originally Posted by ss20ts View Post
Oh it's definitely not about money for some people. I have family who somehow managed to rent a house on Cape Cod in the summer - peak season, go to Disney World every other year and stay in a condo, go on vacation to the beaches in Maryland.....all of these were 1+ week vacations.

Some relatives just don't give a crap about specific family members. It's sad, but it is what is. You could offer them a million dollars cash to visit you for 3 days and they would have 150 excuses.
Most jobs in America are high stress and provide little in the way of time off. For some people, that week or two off is the only thing these people have to hope for. I don't blame them for wanting to go and sit on some tranquil beach somewhere rather than sitting with Aunt Tildy in some tract house in soulless Dallas.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-18-2017, 08:27 AM
 
Location: Somewhere in America
15,479 posts, read 15,566,864 times
Reputation: 28462
Quote:
Originally Posted by ny789987 View Post
Most jobs in America are high stress and provide little in the way of time off. For some people, that week or two off is the only thing these people have to hope for. I don't blame them for wanting to go and sit on some tranquil beach somewhere rather than sitting with Aunt Tildy in some tract house in soulless Dallas.
For some people, yes. Not my brother and sister-in-law. He has accumulated 8 months of vacation. She is a stay at home mom and spends the majority of her day watching tv....kids are off at school. These vacations they took, they didn't spend the day at a tranquil beach. They spend the day at the hotel/house watching tv. I'm far from some Aunt Tildy living in a tract house in Dallas! I live in one of the top tourist destinations in the nation! We're the #3 place in the US to get married. People travel here from all over the world for a variety of things here - wine, beer, history, parks, lakes, museums, etc. This is hardly a place where there's nothing to do!

PS These people will drive 5 hours to visit other family and visit for only a day. It's just that they don't like us. We're not uber religious like them and they have a huge issue with it. I've dealt with them for over 20 years. I know their game. I don't play their game anymore.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 08:25 AM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top