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Probably because she is having a night out with a friend and plans on going out after the concert. Plus the OP doesn't have enough beds, so it'll be more comfortable for the friend to just get a hotel room.
Not to mention the OP is already saying a confrontation might happen like it did last time she didn't approve of her adult daughter's friend. I wouldn't want to put a friend in such a situation, so it's probably less drama to just stay somewhere else.
Additionally, since concerts run late, by staying in a hotel they won't disturb the kids or her parents when they get home.
Then, three days ago, she said that she will be bringing a girlfriend
I fail to see why this is such a big deal. If my daughter told me she was coming, and bringing a friend, I would automatically assume they would be staying together and I'd be feeding them.
By you trying to get up with her over & over, demanding she tell you if this person will be with her and will she have to be fed, you are pushing her into a corner and she doesn't even want to go there with you.
It's a concert. They usually start at 8pm. Most young folk leave early and go get dinner out somewhere. Since you haven't heard back, just have a meat & cheese tray for them to munch on while they get pretty to go out.
If they don't eat, it's there for the grands.
Last edited by convextech; 04-04-2017 at 11:43 AM..
we cannot commit to being available. Do you think that might work?
It will certainly help to push her even farther away. You are still being very controlling.
As a grandmother myself, I do not get all bajiggity about getting down to the last hour or minute. Jeez. She's coming this afternoon. I don't have anything to do anyway, I'll cook something I know my grands will like, and when they get here we will have a good time.
Well, you raised her so that's where a lot of this comes from. She has 3 preschool age children so she's probably up to her eyeballs with kid stuff. She may have needed to speak with her friend to firm up their plans and the timing of things. Not everyone plans things out days or weeks in advance. I imagine with 3 kids so close in age planning anything is a project!
You could just say no to watching the kids and not put yourself in these positions. And about the past when she met someone you don't like, she's an adult! Unless she's doing something illegal or harming someone like her kids, it's none of your business who she's meeting with. There's a lot of history here and things didn't become this way overnight.
Just FYI. The kids have now left and to answer some quetions:
1. The hotel was included in the concert ticket prize. It was a package that my daughter won from a radio station. She didn't tell me that the hotel room was included until yesterday.
2. I don't have a problem with ANY of my daughter's friends, including the one she was with yesterday. The incident two years ago involved a member of her bio family who had a drug problem. (We adopted our daughter when she was six. I didn't mention it before because I didn't think it was relevant to this situation.)
3. The visit just now went fine, both with my daughter and her friend and with the grandkids.
Thanks to all who offered opinions and advice, and I especially appreciated those who offered constructive criticism and polite advice. (Yes, I readily admit that I have some definite "control issues", when it comes to being kind, polite, considerate, responsible and punctual, not only when it comes to others but also when it comes to myself. I am actually much harder on myself than on other people when it comes to those traits, and I feel terrible when I behave badly.)
P.S. Oh, and just btw, my daughter has told me several times that she wants to raise her kids exactly the way she was raised by us, although she hasn't done so yet -- so I couldn't have been that horrible of a mom, despite what some posters implied. But that being said, I still would have done some things differently, and I think my daughter is a better mom than I was in some ways!
Last edited by katharsis; 04-04-2017 at 05:42 PM..
Reading your story makes me feel really bad for all the times we left my MIL hanging with no real idea of our plans and just descended on her when we KNEW she preferred to have things planned out!
Reading your story makes me feel really bad for all the times we left my MIL hanging with no real idea of our plans and just descended on her when we KNEW she preferred to have things planned out!
PLEASE don't feel badly about that. People are different, and I know that. I am sure that if your MIL is or was anything like me, she would love to see all of you even under less than ideal circumstances. Also, I wish that I was more spontaneous, but that's just not in my nature.
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