My friend says I'm too cynical

[nurider2002]

I have zero time for folks I meet who act standoffish, seem "too rigid", or reserved. Life is short, why waste time with folks who require so much energy simply to engage with? If, when you meet someone you cannot make the effort to smile, introduce yourself and engage in some thoughtful dialogue, you are sending a message. There are plenty of people in this world, I don't need to waste my time on someone overly guarded.

[Mikala43]

MinivanDriver wins the internet........ for the year.

[ItsRick24]

Originally Posted by Mikala43

MinivanDriver wins the internet........ for the year.

I hadn't thought of it that way. Having read and digested Minivan's post put a whole different spin on the issue. Cynicism = fear/ego. I guess it is, deep down, fear coupled with keeping others at arm's length, as if to convey: "Don't approach me!" or condescension.

[zentropa]

Originally Posted by MinivanDriver

First thing's first. Cynicism is not a philosophy, as much as true cynics love to paint is as such. In truth, it is a defense mechanism disguised as a cosmopolitan worldview, born out of deep insecurity. Those who are truly hard-bitten cynics try to pass it off as a deeper knowledge of the world, but it is nothing more than the product of fear. You're not fooling anyone.

Let's note a phrase you use. "I've been burned too many times." Well, that's not a product of the world. That's a product of your own poor judgment in whom you've chosen to trust, not the question of trusting itself. A person with good instincts does not readily fall prey to the con artists and grifters of the world. Much as you enjoy depicting yourself as an observer, if you were truly all that observant and that discerning, you wouldn't have had those life experiences in the first place. So you contradict yourself.

Second, there's an element of egoism to it. It's seductive in a way to depict oneself as apart from the world, the lonely paragon seeking people as virtuous as you. This is self-evident in your use of the term 'diamonds in the rough' above. Words mean things. With that phrase, you reveal a great deal, namely that you seek people who live up to your lofty standards, and have found only a couple who might, with a little polish, do so.

Hate to burst your bubble, but you aren't all that unique. Everybody has had their share of betrayal. Everyone has had someone in life turn on them or be dishonest. Conversely everybody in life has, at some point, betrayed the trust of someone else -- yourself included -- through their own thoughtlessness or momentary selfishness. You are expecting moral perfection in others while not expecting it in yourself. Yet once you abandon the notion that it's about you all the time, once you shed the persecution complex and begin forgiving others of whatever minor transgressions they may have done, then you better understand whom to trust. And whom to not.

Then, of course, there's the fundamental laziness of it all. Better to adopt the notion that all people are bad, all people are driven by naked self-interest, than to actually take the time to know them, to pay attention to the essential clues they provide. If you are a perceptive individual, you learn who you can trust in life.

Courage is the foundation of happiness and mental health. Brave people engage the world. They do not retreat into a shell and treat the world with suspicion.

This rings very true to those who have followed the OP's history. The fear is part of the lashing out and rage also.