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As I mentioned, I've had 2 people tell me upfront. Back in the day my response would be, "Let's step outside and settle this." Now it's, "I'm sorry you feel that way." and disassociate myself from the person.
Yes, that's a much more mature way of handling it. Give yourself a pat on the back.
I couldn't care less. Life isn't a popularity contest. Do you like me now?
This. Far too many folks waste far too much time worrying about the other guy and what they think.
As for people who 'don't like you', let them see just how much you care by completely ignoring them. More often than not they really want your attention. I've had more than one 'enemy' turn around and try to be 'nice' once they saw I didn't give a remote damn (and thus all that energy was being wasted on their part, so 'hey, might as well try to be his friend now)'.
I prefer that people who don't care for me show me by their actions rather than by words, though I've experienced the odd person looking directly into my eyes and remarking, "You're nuts!" or "You're stone cold crazy" and meaning it.
I'm 62 years old, BTW, and I don't much care about what others think of me, save for DH and our birds.
I prefer that people who don't care for me show me by their actions rather than by words, though I've experienced the odd person looking directly into my eyes and remarking, "You're nuts!" or "You're stone cold crazy" and meaning it.
I'm 62 years old, BTW, and I don't much care about what others think of me, save for DH and our birds.
I'm about to turn 54 and I've had people call me crazy, right to my face, among other descriptions. But in the lyrics of Jo Dee Messina: "My give a damn is busted!"
As I mentioned, I've had 2 people tell me upfront. Back in the day my response would be, "Let's step outside and settle this." Now it's, "I'm sorry you feel that way." and disassociate myself from the person.
Yes, the latter is how almost all neurotypical people handle social mismatches. Stepping outside to fight someone just because they don't like you? Who even thinks that way? Beating them up as a way to change their mind or save face is the height of disordered thinking.
I would prefer they not say it to my face. If they did I would think they were looking for a fight and I wouldn't want to give them the satisfaction. I would ignore them. It would hurt though. Thankfully that hasn't happened yet.
It depends though. sometimes its impossible to ignore them... I got a job in a school many years ago, it was a group of domestics and carers , the first mornng I was bright and early and saw two of the women approach me.... one said.. "are you the new woman" hardly looking at me and continuing to walk to the school entrance without waiting for my answer... I tried to keep up behind her and introduced myself.... She didnt answer, only said.. that another worker would show me around and where to put ma coat and bag..... Later she approached me when we were alone and asked me how I got the postion.. I told her that an old friend from another school had put in a good word for me , and I had got the job.... She frowned and walked away.... Each day she would pick on me for something or another although I was working hard, nothing seemed to please her... and I seemed to have much more to do than some of the other workers.. I never stopped.. but she was always behind me to find fault.... then every now and then her and her son would use the schools swimming pool and I think the only time I saw her smile.. this was all on works time....However I didnt care as it got her off my back and I got on well with her young son... Other workers started to notice the amount of work she was giving me to do.. it was quite impossible to be honest.. and one woman said she was taking advantage and angry as Id got the job her sister in law was promised by her.... and thats why she was trying to sicken me and get rid of me..... other things happened and I got so fed up I walked out.... Wrong I know but she made my life unbearable.. so this was a woman who had never met me but who had made up her mind to make my life a misery.... even when I tried to be nice chatting to her she would find a reason to cut me off and walk away... She got her way in the end as I foolishly left but I had no one in my corner to talk up.. something I would do for anyone being singled out for this kind of treatment.. She hated me for her own reasons and for nothing I had did... I could never do that to anyone . people are strange , we cant be liked by everyone, but Im quite a popular person, always have been , not to this woman though.. I was also told later by a worker that she had a very jealous streak so whether that or the job itself being given to me Ill never know... but who cares... she was one sad female.
Yes, the latter is how almost all neurotypical people handle social mismatches. Stepping outside to fight someone just because they don't like you? Who even thinks that way? Beating them up as a way to change their mind or save face is the height of disordered thinking.
I'd like to say that I've changed a lot since those days.
I think I'm a good reader of people and can tell if someone doesn't like or approve of me.
And that's fine. I'm not looking to win any popularity contests. You don't like me, it's your problem, not mine - I know my worth and what I bring to the table.
Anyway, in my 50+ years, I've had maybe two people tell me to my face, "I don't like you." But I've had a score of others who I can tell also didn't like me; their facial expressions, body language, tone of voice, etc. were dead giveaways.
Would you rather have someone actually tell you they didn't like you, or would you prefer them not tell you but convey it in their demeanor?
Uh.......? I can't say as I've ever noticed, particularly. If I don't hit it off with someone, or they're rude, or whatever, I move on. There's so much more to life than stewing about these small moments, isn't there?
Yes, the latter is how almost all neurotypical people handle social mismatches. Stepping outside to fight someone just because they don't like you? Who even thinks that way? Beating them up as a way to change their mind or save face is the height of disordered thinking.
lolol! No one will ever accuse Zennie of beating around the bush or being mealy-mouthed, .
So glad you've "evolved" away from this phase, OP. Keep evolving. You're heading in the right direction. ...as far as I can tell.
I wish people would not only tell me that they didn't like me, but also tell me WHY. In the rare case I dislike a person, I almost always have a reason why; it's not this intangible thing. If I unintentionally hurt someone's feelings or something, I'd rather know. And if it's more of a personality clash, I guess I wouldn't be left wondering if I did something "wrong." I can dig constructive criticism if I can improve myself through it.
Last edited by emeraldmist; 04-16-2017 at 12:48 PM..
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