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I see it this way: If I INVITE a guest who I know is afraid of dogs, I will put the dogs away.
If people just show up, and they're afraid of dogs, they will need to find a way to deal with it, or leave.
If people bring their own dogs (and we've had this happen) we better hope that all the dogs get along, or otherwise, the OTHER dogs need to be restrained.
OP, if I were you, the next time you have a BBQ, and you invite your mother, explain to her that from now on, YOU will not be inconvenienced, and if she chooses to invite this other person with the kids, she'll need to tell this other person that the dog will NOT be restrained. I would also tell her to be sure and pass that information along to the appropriate parties, or some people are going to be unhappy, but it's not going to be you this time.
I agree with this, but I'll take it one step further - I'd tell Mom to quit inviting people over to my house and if she still did it, I'd be very tempted to tell them all - your mom, her friend, and her friend's friends - that they need to go home.
Look, OP, you said earlier that this family is actually friends of your MOM'S friend. Why don't you call your MOM'S friend and just say bluntly, "Here's the deal - I'd rather not have your friend with the four kids come over. Please don't invite them. It's nothing personal, but it makes things too hectic. As you probably know, they are not really my friends - they're your friends, and the youngest is very afraid of my dog. So please don't invite them. The invitation is not to them. Thanks."
You already admitted that it's your husband and mother that are making you make these accommodations.
Stop blaming a four year old for your inability to advocate for your own wishes. If you want the dog in the yard, tell your mother and husband you want the dog in the yard. If you don't want your mother's friends at your house, tell your mother that you don't want her friends at the house. The failure to set boundaries is on your shoulders.
I can see the op's point of view because it's often such that anyone who expresses a need for boundries is seen as a raving b***h.
I do put the dog away when they visit. That's my whole point. I don't think i should have to anymore. I think they are the ones who know the dog is there and they should either deal with the dog or not come.
I think you shouldn't invite them anymore. What's going to happen when Mummy's widdle pwecious has to go to the bathroom and encounters your dog?
Look, I was bitten by a German Shepard when I was 6. I was petting him, it was fine, my mother called and I pulled away and he grabbed and bit. And drew blood. So I am wary around dogs, but this is MY issue. I will let you know I am wary, and I would hope you and I could work together at introducing me to your dog. And if I feel doggy wants a pat, I'll be happy to do so. And even get a kiss. I love animals. And if doggy decides I am his best pal and sits on my feet I will love it. And if the dog shows no interest in me, well that's fine, too.
It's in the child's best interest to teach the child how to act around an animal that frightens her. She's going to encounter dogs everywhere. She needs coping skills, because the world doesn't revolve around her. But, at the same time, it's not your job to parent that kid.
Two years is enough time for her to get some coping skills, but now it sounds like it's a control mechanism. So, it might be the time to tell your friend that until pwecious gets her act together, the dog wins.
also handicapped people have a right to bring dogs wherever they would like. As we become a world that is more accommodating of people's needs it's the people with these dog fears that will have to adjust. Handicap/accessibility issues where animal assistance is required are very sensitive issues. You cannot ask the dog to be removed.
Just sayin that i certainly shouldnt be expected to remove my own dog from my yard
Anyways, this thread has gotten silly. I didnt expect to get so many replies lol...my house, my dog, my yard. I think I win here. My dog will be staying in the yard.
If it's "your house, your yard," then tell your mother to quit inviting people over. That's where your real problem lies.
And about as much chance of either of those as the dog having DNA similar to that of a child's!
Dogs are dogs. I mean, good grief, I adore my dogs, but at the end of the day, guess what - they're dogs. Not people.
Here's how it works in my house. If I invite you over, then I will likely put my dogs up in our bedroom or out in the yard. At least until they aren't so excited to have new visitors. If you are family, you deal with my dogs. If you are elderly or a toddler, I will put my dogs up until they aren't so excited, then they come out. I will protect my dogs from the overly excited toddlers and protect the elderly from the possibility that my dogs might bump or knock them down, though none of them are that energetic. Three are therapy dogs and two are not. The two that aren't avoid most people anyways, they are shy and need to learn to trust. The therapy dogs are calm and good with all ages of people. However, I will not allow anyone to come into my home, where I pay the mortgage, and dictate what I will do with my dogs while they are visiting me.
Here's how it works in my house. If I invite you over, then I will likely put my dogs up in our bedroom or out in the yard. At least until they aren't so excited to have new visitors. If you are family, you deal with my dogs. If you are elderly or a toddler, I will put my dogs up until they aren't so excited, then they come out. I will protect my dogs from the overly excited toddlers and protect the elderly from the possibility that my dogs might bump or knock them down, though none of them are that energetic. Three are therapy dogs and two are not. The two that aren't avoid most people anyways, they are shy and need to learn to trust. The therapy dogs are calm and good with all ages of people. However, I will not allow anyone to come into my home, where I pay the mortgage, and dictate what I will do with my dogs while they are visiting me.
They may be dogs, but it's my house and my rules.
You know what - as the mother of two big, lovable fur babies myself, I absolutely agree with you. My point is that the OP is not even the one INVITING THE PEOPLE TO HER HOUSE. Nor are the uninvited guests the ones saying "put the dog up." It's her own mother who is overstepping boundaries, and the OP who is allowing her to run all over her, and meanwhile pretending that a four year old is the problem. The dog isn't the problem, the four year old isn't the problem, the other mother isn't the problem - the OP's inability to enforce healthy boundaries with her mother is the problem.
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