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Old 04-23-2017, 07:15 AM
 
172 posts, read 70,489 times
Reputation: 185

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My former best friend hasn't said to me happy birthday in 3 years. I didn't bother much but overtime I noticed how she contacts me mainly when she has to show off.

A few weeks back, she Skypes me to give me a tour of the new house. Barely bothered to ask me how I'm doing. It was her birthday too, I told her happy birthday, and she replied, " I am so proud of myself, I have a full time job, a husband, and now a house.....oh wait, you're still living at home." Mind you, I'm pursuing an advanced degree.

I've gradually reduced my contact time with her but not to make it awkward or blatant. We live in different states for years now.

It just annoys me how she contacts me just to show off.

And this coming from a girl that was 300 lbs, very unattractive, failing all the math classes...

I had the idea that people that struggle a lot would be more humble. This girl is anything but. She makes odd comments about people's appearances all the time. Never mind the comments about finances and so on.

I usually reply back with a, "Looks good!", "Congrats!" But that's about it.

It just annoys me how she is so self absorbed.

At times I go, maybe I'm imagining stuff. I get it, she's happy but at the same time, she doesn't bother to ask how I'm doing.

Do I just cut her off for good?
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Old 04-23-2017, 07:41 AM
 
761 posts, read 384,740 times
Reputation: 1298
You could be honest with her and tell her exactly how you feel..

See if she responds sensitively. She may be so darn proud of herself that it might not have occurred her achievements are being shared in an annoying manner.

On the other hand if you speak kindly and she takes a big offense and gets angry and doesn't want to speak to you after that, then oh well.
She's put her own foot in it.
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Old 04-23-2017, 08:04 AM
 
1,955 posts, read 955,795 times
Reputation: 5226
Tidal hit the nail right on the head.

Of course, OP is not going to confront her. That would be too 'uncomfortable'. Better to just grin and bear it like 90% of the others would, and don't bother bringing yourself into any conversation with her. Remember: it's all about being nice and civil with her, it's very VERY important that you make her
as satisfied as possible.
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Old 04-23-2017, 09:13 AM
 
172 posts, read 70,489 times
Reputation: 185
Quote:
Originally Posted by BobCaldwell View Post
Tidal hit the nail right on the head.

Of course, OP is not going to confront her. That would be too 'uncomfortable'. Better to just grin and bear it like 90% of the others would, and don't bother bringing yourself into any conversation with her. Remember: it's all about being nice and civil with her, it's very VERY important that you make her
as satisfied as possible.

You're right, Bob.

But some time back, I did mention to her the odd and backhanded compliments she gave me about my appearance. She simply said, "Yeah, I know I was being weird." And that was that.

I will admit though, with her snarly comments, I do slip up passive-aggressive comments, not often, but they are triggered by her comments a lot of the times.

I find it interesting how after I reply with a, "Great! Looks good! Congratulations! Awesome!", she gives me no response back.
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Old 04-23-2017, 09:20 AM
 
1,955 posts, read 955,795 times
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Honestly, I think it's sad that I'm 'right'.

'Yeah, I know, I was being weird'. Translation: Yes, I was intentionally trying to hurt your feelings. No apologies'.

Go ahead, give this loser a punching bag to whale on whenever she feels like it. Personally, I'd much rather you confront her--with no sugar sprinkled on anything--and tell her all about how insecure she makes herself look, then tell her goodbye.
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Old 04-23-2017, 09:40 AM
 
Location: The Greater Houston Metro Area
8,988 posts, read 14,665,561 times
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" I am so proud of myself, I have a full time job, a husband, and now a house.....oh wait, you're still living at home."


She actually said that?

There is your answer. Block her, unless you want to keep getting updates on Ms. Wonderful. Who has time for this type of rude and self-centered behavior?
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Old 04-23-2017, 09:46 AM
 
1,955 posts, read 955,795 times
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An addendum to my previous post:

'Yeah, I know, I was being weird'. Translation: Yes, I was intentionally trying to hurt your feelings. No apologies. I don't have to apologize anyway, as you're just going to tolerate me and keep coming back for more abuse.'
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Old 04-23-2017, 09:59 AM
 
2,060 posts, read 1,303,786 times
Reputation: 10017
" I am so proud of myself, I have a full time job, a husband, and now a house.....oh wait, you're still living at home."

If someone actually said that to me, I would respond with something like, "With all your accomplishments and how far you've come, you have not managed to learn how to be kind and a good friend. Is that really the person you choose to be?"

Then I'd hang up and ignore her forever.
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Old 04-23-2017, 10:01 AM
 
172 posts, read 70,489 times
Reputation: 185
Quote:
Originally Posted by BobCaldwell View Post
An addendum to my previous post:

'Yeah, I know, I was being weird'. Translation: Yes, I was intentionally trying to hurt your feelings. No apologies. I don't have to apologize anyway, as you're just going to tolerate me and keep coming back for more abuse.'
You're very right Bob. The thing is, I have weak spots and she hits at them, don't we all....Which makes me sort of intimidated.

I'm planning on writing a long letter and yes, laying it all out as is, and sending it to her house.

You know what was the difficult part in all of this? Was that for many, many years, she was also very supportive. She'd slip up a backhanded comment but next thing, be so super supportive and sweet that I'd feel bad for even thinking bad about her! She wasn't and isn't an up front b*tch about, she's sneaky, especially when she's do, "I'm so happy to have you in my life, you're my best friend." That stuff throws you off.
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Old 04-23-2017, 10:13 AM
 
Location: The Greater Houston Metro Area
8,988 posts, read 14,665,561 times
Reputation: 14876
Quote:
Originally Posted by frosty_charge View Post
You're very right Bob. The thing is, I have weak spots and she hits at them, don't we all....Which makes me sort of intimidated.

I'm planning on writing a long letter and yes, laying it all out as is, and sending it to her house.

You know what was the difficult part in all of this? Was that for many, many years, she was also very supportive. She'd slip up a backhanded comment but next thing, be so super supportive and sweet that I'd feel bad for even thinking bad about her! She wasn't and isn't an up front b*tch about, she's sneaky, especially when she's do, "I'm so happy to have you in my life, you're my best friend." That stuff throws you off.
....and let me translate that for you: "I am so happy to have you in my life. It's hard to find people that will let you abuse them and they will stick around for more."

Why bother with a letter? Her interpretation of it will be that you are jealous.
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