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I think the card and $25.00 is a very good compromise between what the daughter probably expects (a more expensive gift) and what you should give (nothing). I also think that sending a card after the actual graduation ceremony date is very tacky.
I agree, very tacky in my opinion, but whatever. I agree, just send a small-ish gift card/money just to be respectful the parents.
These kinds of awkward things come up sometimes and sometimes it's just better to take the high road to be civil.
Our friend, at least the wife, did tell us about it already by phone so we already knew. She also told my DH that the mother was disappointed in how little money he got A couple of weeks later the daughter sends the announcement.
Our friends are great but when it comes to their family the mother will always side and think her daughter got the short end. The father is not the same way and hates when she even asks us for a favor.
Obnoxious behavior should not be rewarded, and this is really obnoxious. I'd tear up the announcement Lisa.
I doubt you're the only one who got a late announcement aimed at upping the ante.
(And I'm so sad about your status change. RIP Niki)
Trust me, if you sent just a card with nothing in it that gal would be ticked. Younger generations today have high expectations and cards alone are not appreciated. For the sake of your friendship send $25 or nothing at all. We all have been in situations where we gift someone only for the sake of their relatives and not for them.
I Also have "high expectations" when I send a card and $$...A thank you note is expected...I accept a quick text if that is all of the effort it takes.
I get tired of zero acknowledgements of any gift I give.
So if announcements etc are sent "after" the event...some people think it as an afterthought? Wow! Did the school rescind the diploma?
When I got married in June....( years ago) and moved away...I sent a note in my CHRISTMAS cards to let my card recipient list know of my new address and marital status. I did not do it to grab some gifts..just to share my news. No one sent a gift..btw...it was NOT my intention. I sure hope no one was po'd that they were not in the wedding invitation list...hey...I never see most of my Christmas card recipients!
I think that you are taking this too personally....like they have insulted you. Respond with a card and whatever you send is fine. Or, simply ignore the card.
I get that the card was sent after graduation....most graduates only get 4 tickets for immediate family.
I really do not get how you and your husband are angered by this? You say that you've helped this daughter of your "camping friends" with her home, that seems to bely your claim that this grandson of your camping friends....is a total stranger.
On the other hand....The grad/sender was probably asked by his grandparents if he remembered to send a card to his grandparents friends.....Opps.....
Perhaps you'd better set these camping "friends" straight about your "friendship" so that you avoid any other faux pas in the future.
Last edited by JanND; 04-26-2017 at 05:25 AM..
Reason: text
I think that you are taking this too personally....like they have insulted you. Respond with a card and whatever you send is fine. Or, simply ignore the card.
I get that the card was sent after graduation....most graduates only get 4 tickets for immediate family.
I really do not get how you and your husband are angered by this? You say that you've helped this daughter of your "camping friends" with her home, that seems to bely your claim that this grandson of your camping friends....is a total stranger.
On the other hand....The grad/sender was probably asked by his grandparents if he remembered to send a card to his grandparents friends.....Opps.....
Perhaps you'd better set these camping "friends" straight about your "friendship" so that you avoid any other faux pas in the future.
No we did not get a graduation card. It was an announcement. Oh and "he" didn't send anything, his mother did.
We have done favors for the daughter "because" of her parents. We don't actually like her. We have met the grandson a few times but have no real interaction with him. I never said he was a stranger although last week was the first time I knew their last names.
My whole problem, which is now acceptance of it, is that we are not that high on their list that we should have received anything and after the comment about him not getting enough money, I know what it is about.
Either way we will be sending a card today and my DH wants to send $100.00. I think it's too much but whatever. After it is sent it will be behind us.
You asked people for advice and many confirmed your idea, send a card with $25.00. Now your DH wants to give $100.00, which is way too much. I do not think the family will be comparing notes and trying to figure out who gave and who did not. It is unclear to me if this was a high school or college graduation. But let's think of the graduate. If he just finished high school, he will need money to go to college and/or establish independence by finding a job. If the graduate completed college, they will surely need funds to pay off college debts. My husband and I recently attended a family graduation luncheon for his niece who graduated early in December, 2016. We gave her a card and $100.00.
If you can afford $25, send $25. If $100 isn't a hardship and your husband really wants to send that much, go with it - it's definitely a case of "picking your battles" and not worth arguing with your husband over. However, if I were in your shoes (and I've actually been in those shoes), I'd say, "Personally I think that's overkill but if that's what you want to do, that's fine." When I said that to my husband, he ended up sending less - but still more than I'd have sent on my own. So be it. MY husband is generous and it's a trait I like when it's pointed in my direction, so I don't want to change it in him.
Just to point something out - I don't think you're OBLIGATED to send any money. But it doesn't hurt anyone, and after all, it does sound like you and the other family are pretty close, even if you don't really know the kid in question.
Sometimes I send a graduation or wedding gift to someone because of the relationship with the family, not specifically that one person. I think either way is OK.
If you can afford it, err on the generous side. That's my advice. Worth exactly what you paid for it.
I graduated forever ago, but back then, sending graduation announcements was standard procedure. We were only allowed 6 tickets per graduate to the actual ceremony, so even my own grandparents weren't able to attend. I think that's fairly common, so please don't blame them for not inviting you.
I have never heard of a "graduation card", is this a common thing in the US? Damn, I feel I missed out there when I graduated a couple of years ago
Joking aside - you don't really know your friend's grandson well... I would just send a "congratulations card" back, with a little personal message. If you really feel that you must give something, $25 is fine. I know I would have enjoyed a gift card, no matter the value!
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I also think that sending a card after the actual graduation ceremony date is very tacky.
A couple of weeks later the daughter sends the announcement.
