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Old 04-24-2017, 08:37 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
44,922 posts, read 36,220,301 times
Reputation: 63572

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OK, confession time - I started the other thread supposedly about this, but of course within a few posts, even I realized that I was more upset about the overall situation with my daughter than simply about phone calls. BUT there was so much interest and interaction on that thread about the timing and apparently location of phone calls that I thought it might warrant a thread that's REALLY about that issue.

So - on the other thread, some people absolutely hate getting calls from people who are driving, or in the airport (this particular scenario was mentioned several times though I myself have literally never even noticed whether someone called me from either locale).

Some people seemed to feel slighted by these sorts of calls, while others couldn't understand why.

And some people seemed to feel slighted by calls made while driving, but then as they discussed it, it seemed that the issue was more about the TIMING of the calls rather than where the caller was when they made the call.

So - my personal situation, and please share yours as well as your thoughts:

I do sometimes make calls while driving, but I also call from home - I really don't think about it one way or the other. What I do think about is WHO I'm calling and whether or not I know this is a good or bad time for them. Of course, I can't always know that, but sometimes I can. For instance, I don't call three of my four adult kids during morning hours, because two of them are homeschooling moms and one is a bartender so he sleeps till about noon but works till about 4 am, so the best time to call all of them is in the mid afternoon. My other son lives in a very different time zone (Guam to be exact) so the best time to call him is about 6 pm.

SO - if I need to talk to any of them, and I happen to be in my car, that's when I'll call. But if I happen to be at home, I'll call from home of course. In other words, whether I'm in my car or at home, the issue is not "my convenience" or "just calling them to kill time" - it's "Is this a good time to generally reach them."

When I was working full time, the best time for me to connect with my parents WAS when I was driving to work. They were home, and I had some free time. I couldn't talk with them during the day because I was at work, and in the evenings, I wanted to spend time with my family and dinner and all that. And then they went to bed earlier than me - very early in fact. So the best time for us to talk was when I was driving to work. We talked every morning that way. We all enjoyed it.

I literally do not notice when others call me while they're driving. It has literally never occurred to me that they are "using me to fill time." I really don't get that vibe. I feel like " of course they're calling me when they have the time to call me." I don't care whether they're driving or not.

I was shocked when one of my kids accused me of "only calling when it's convenient for me," because my gosh, when else would I call? As I said, perhaps while I'm having a Pap smear? Mowing the yard? Maybe while I'm meeting a repairman at my house? Like I said, I do try to be cognizant of timing for other people. BUT - I also feel like this - if a phone call is inconvenient, DON'T PICK UP THE PHONE. I don't. I don't answer the phone if it's not a good time for me to talk, so get this - if you call me, and it's not a good time for me to talk, I just won't answer the phone. And if it WAS a good time for me to talk, and then suddenly something comes up, I'll just say, "Hey, I need to get off the phone - sorry," and then I'll just get off the phone and take care of business.

Seems uncomplicated to me but apparently it's NOT.

Your thoughts?
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Old 04-24-2017, 08:45 AM
 
6,323 posts, read 5,064,142 times
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I never call anyone and really don't like to talk on the phone - text only please
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Old 04-24-2017, 09:27 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
44,922 posts, read 36,220,301 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
I never call anyone and really don't like to talk on the phone - text only please
What about friends and loved ones who don't like to text? Do you think they have any valid reason to be offended that you insist on texting only?
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Old 04-24-2017, 09:34 AM
 
7,370 posts, read 4,230,731 times
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I hate the phone. Most people know to text me. But if I do make calls, it is while I am driving. I am overwhelmed with kids, pets and housework once I arrive home.
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Old 04-24-2017, 09:34 AM
 
5,190 posts, read 4,054,511 times
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I used to hate this with a passion.


But... now I have a car with Bluetooth, and well...what else is it for if not to talk to people?


I do think that it is wrong to call people only when you are doing other things though. It sends an unspoken signal that "I am only using you to fill the time.".
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Old 04-24-2017, 09:45 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
44,922 posts, read 36,220,301 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mochamajesty View Post
I used to hate this with a passion.


But... now I have a car with Bluetooth, and well...what else is it for if not to talk to people?


I do think that it is wrong to call people only when you are doing other things though. It sends an unspoken signal that "I am only using you to fill the time.".
Can you explain more of what you mean - do you mean like when you're waiting at the airport, in line somewhere, or something like that?

I mean, I don't get the whole "waiting in the airport thing," because apparently it just never registers with me if someone calls me from the airport. In fact, now that I think of it, my husband calls me from the airport sometimes but that's about it, and it certainly never occurred to me to be offended by it.

Here's what I honestly think about people calling when they're stuck in limbo someplace - be it the airport, waiting somewhere, whatever:

I don't mind if they call me. If I can talk, I'll talk. If I can't, I won't. It's really simple. But they were thinking about me and they called me - OK. I'm OK with that. But then, I don't have any friends or family who call me just to relieve their own boredom - at least I don't think they do. As long as we're having a decent, two sided conversation and it's convenient for both of us, I don't try to psychoanalyze why they called me at that particular time or from a particular place.

THAT'S the important thing to me - the bolded part.
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Old 04-24-2017, 09:51 AM
 
6,323 posts, read 5,064,142 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon View Post
What about friends and loved ones who don't like to text? Do you think they have any valid reason to be offended that you insist on texting only?
Those kind of people do not exist in my life -
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Old 04-24-2017, 09:55 AM
 
12,698 posts, read 10,518,901 times
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I think generally people tend to call others, especially just to chat, when it's convenient for them, which is perfectly understandable. You're not going to call someone in the middle of a business meeting or sitting at your desk when you have work to do or dealing with a sick child who is throwing up or otherwise needs your attention. I don't have much of an issue with people who call me while multi-tasking - doing laundry, cooking, etc. I don't expect someone's undivided attention, really, unless it's a very serious conversation about a serious topic, and even then, it really depends on whatever other task they're doing and whether I feel they're really listening to me.

I don't mind when people call me while they're driving, but it does worry me when they're physically using a phone and I try to get them off the phone ASAP. Generally people don't call me just to chat when they're driving, it's usually for some purpose and same with me calling people when I'm driving as well. I don't have a car bluetooth system but I do use the "hey Siri" function on my iPhone to call and text people if necessary, then I'll use speakerphone for talking, but I try not to do this often.

Someone on the other thread mentioned how her friend always calls as she's driving home from work, but the poster is always doing homework with her daughter at that time, and has told the friend, yet the friend doesn't care. That, I think, is rude. If you know that you are calling someone at a bad time for them, you should not be calling unless it is an emergency.
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Old 04-24-2017, 09:55 AM
 
Location: Northern Virginia
5,104 posts, read 5,401,165 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mochamajesty View Post
I do think that it is wrong to call people only when you are doing other things though. It sends an unspoken signal that "I am only using you to fill the time.".
I agree with this^.

I find it annoying when I have to repeat myself because the other person is distracted by other things going on around them, or I feel like they really aren't engaged in the conversation because of those distractions.

And frankly, people will undoubtedly claim that they can do both, but IMO one cannot be fully engaged in a phone conversation and fully engaged in driving/their surroundings at the same time even with hands free capabilities. Sure, if you're on a straight stretch of wide open interstate, have at it. But if you're making turns, merging in/out of traffic, changing lanes, etc. anything more than a quick check-in is distracting. I commute a lot and I notice signs of distracted driving way too often.

I have extended phone conversations with very few people - maybe three at the most. I call them when it's convenient for me and when I think it's convenient for them. Convenient for me = when I can set aside 30 minutes to engage with them on the phone. I feel like the quality of the conversation is much better when they are my primary focus.

Typically, I'll sit in a chair and just talk to them. On occasion, I'll fold or put away laundry because that requires no thought.

Last edited by HokieFan; 04-24-2017 at 10:09 AM..
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Old 04-24-2017, 10:00 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
44,922 posts, read 36,220,301 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
Those kind of people do not exist in my life -
Then great, you don't have a problem.

I personally don't prefer to text. I figure, heck, I'm holding a phone in my hand, why not use it to actually speak to the person I'm communicating with? Let's not get sidetracked by "plans" and "minutes" and all that because the people in my life don't have plans that restrict the minutes they can talk so it's simply a matter of whether they prefer to talk or text.

My adult kids know that I prefer to talk vs text if it's a "real" conversation (in other words, not simply confirming plans or saying "on the way" or whatever- you know, a real two way conversation). I don't mind texting simple stuff - I do it all the time for short sentences such as "Ok, I'm here" or "see you Tuesday" or whatever. But I don't want to sit there and type out stuff like "So tell me about my grandchild's Latin lessons - when is the state test? How is she doing? Is she enjoying Latin or does she hate it as much as I did when I was in school? And how are the violin lessons going with my other grandchild? Is she playing the violin we gave her at Christmas?" Etc. Etc. I want to TALK with someone for those sorts of conversations, not swap texts back and forth.

Personally I think there's a middle ground.
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