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Old 04-26-2017, 05:46 PM
 
Location: Saint John, IN
11,043 posts, read 3,954,387 times
Reputation: 13551

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OP, don't move just because of the BIL; however, if you need to downsize anyway it does seem like a good time. If he does in fact call and ask I would say "Sorry I can't have you stay with me, I'm moving". Even if you're not in the process yet!


The BIL has some nerve!!!
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Old 04-26-2017, 08:36 PM
 
5,326 posts, read 2,299,029 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Horseshoepond View Post
my great uncle would tell the family, he has head lice- there are all over the house
Bwahahahahahaha. That'll do it.
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Old 04-26-2017, 09:18 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,652 posts, read 14,239,850 times
Reputation: 30304
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
Tell your BIL very honestly that you are not up to hosting guests. Be firm. Do not even let them stay with you one time or they may assume that it is an open invitation.

BTW, you may want to start downsizing. It is a lot easier when you are younger (70 is not old) and in good health than waiting so long that you are unable to do it by yourself.

But, don't downsize and sell your house just to avoid hosting your BIL. Tell him honestly that you are not up to having extended family visit.
Listen to Germaine. I agree.
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Old 04-26-2017, 09:52 PM
 
1,168 posts, read 2,395,556 times
Reputation: 3485
How about tell him that you have been renting rooms on weekends for people coming to the area (for whatever sport their granddaughter plays) because you need to make some extra money and you're fully booked every weekend- but if they want you will cancel someone and only charge them 1/2 price-
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Old 04-27-2017, 06:53 AM
 
3,659 posts, read 1,847,382 times
Reputation: 11205
Quote:
Originally Posted by 3745 View Post
Me : 70 year old male, widowed for 8 years. Live in same 4br-2.5 bath house alone. Have always been one to stress over what people think so I have always stressed when we had quest. Even when our grown kids would visit I had to make sure everything was perfect. Sorry, that's just the way I am.

Situation: Brother in-law from several states away (wife's brother) approached me at my granddaughter's wedding recently and said his granddaughter has received an athletic scholarship to a major university within 20 miles of where I live and he implied he and wife will be calling on me to host them when in town. The athletic season of his granddaughter's sport is 5 months long with about 30 home events. I have only been in their company once since my wife died 8 years ago so we are not really close.

My thoughts: after 8 years of living alone I can't imagine having house guest for a week several times for months for 4 years. Some days I am up at 6am and some days I sleep in till 9. I am just not the type of person who could just tell guest to fin for themselves so I would be up early every morning making breakfast/etc. .... I'm not sure I can physically do that for extended periods and even more so I don't think I could do it mentally.

Options: I have been thinking about downsizing for a couple of years but have procrastinated looking at the task of purging a life's worth of stuff and the not knowing for sure where I would go. This has me thinking maybe I need to sell and relocate to another area to avoid the matter all together. I somewhat feel I am running away but can't imagine playing host for years. One way or the other I do need to downsize and sometimes think this might be just the motivation I need.

So: Am I an _sshole and being selfish ?? What would you do ?
NO YOU ARE NOT. It is your home, your life. Tell them to get an extended stay hotel as you cannot handle guests. Be honest and tell them straight out.
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Old 04-27-2017, 08:44 AM
 
16,722 posts, read 14,638,810 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 3745 View Post
he implied he and wife will be calling on me to host them when in town.
Just say you are too old to be having extended-stay guests and do not want to host them in that capacity. They can get a hotel room, like normal people.
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Old 04-27-2017, 08:47 AM
 
16,722 posts, read 14,638,810 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Michigan Transplant View Post
I do agree with the two previous posters, however, you alone in this big house with plenty of room not allowing "family" to stay on occasion may create major hard feelings, feelings that could or would extend into your family social events, not only with this BIL and his wife but other in-law relationships. This will get reported throughout the family lines and you will be the bad guy.

Tough poop. At his age, he's earned the right to enjoy his home without having to clean and cook for unwanted guests.

I have no problem being the bad guy, especially with fartclowns that think it's okay to outright ask to stay at someone's home for an event, especially that has nothing to do with them.
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Old 04-27-2017, 08:49 AM
 
4,773 posts, read 6,578,403 times
Reputation: 6766
Quote:
Originally Posted by exit82 View Post
How about tell him that you have been renting rooms on weekends for people coming to the area (for whatever sport their granddaughter plays) because you need to make some extra money and you're fully booked every weekend- but if they want you will cancel someone and only charge them 1/2 price-
LOL....good one! I was also thinking of some way he could make him pay rent if he just couldn't bring himself to say no....this is the best.
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Old 04-27-2017, 11:37 AM
 
15,254 posts, read 16,790,889 times
Reputation: 25421
I have found that one of the best benefits of getting older is being able to stand up for myself and not get talked into doing things I don't want to do. I used to feel cowed and would agree to things and then dread having to do them. Now it's much easier to just say no.

OP, you don't need to lie or contrive any stories. Tell your relative that you're so happy their daughter is living her dream and you're sure they'll have a great time watching her participate but you're simply not set up to accommodate house guests. Don't apologize or offer any explanation. A simple "That's not going to work out" is all you have to say.
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Old 04-27-2017, 11:49 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,189 posts, read 70,090,509 times
Reputation: 76014
Their presumption is outrageous! Multiple weekend visits throughout a game season?! I've never heard of such a thing! ONE visit might be reasonable, if they ask nicely and don't presume. But they want--and EXPECT--to have 30 visits in 5 months?! That takes a lot of nerve. Don't stress out yet, and wait and see if they actually follow through with this outrageous request. If they do, tell them you couldn't possibly manage that, and call their attention to the nearest Motel 6, or whatever the affordable accommodations are in your area.
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