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If someone who you barely know would have "implied" what you said they implied, I would have laughed in their face.
I wouldnt worry about it, it may never happen. If you do get that phone call, you simply say no, you are not a hotel. Sometimes you just have to grow a pair and stand up for yourself. It doesnt make you an a$$hole, but it sure makes those people a$$holes. Read the other stories of people who didnt stand up for themselves, and see where it got them.
Well, it's a little pushy of the BIL to assume that he'd be welcome after an 8-year absence -- were you on good terms at the time your wife died?
A humorous rejoinder to that kind of inquiry is, "Oh, well, you obviously haven't seen the house since (wife) died -- some rooms haven't been opened in YEARS. But you want to camp out on the living room floor, then, sure, bring some sleeping bags."
It's completely gracious to say, "BIL, I'm sorry, but since (wife) died, I find that I am simply not in a good position to have guests. I'm sure you understand, and perhaps we'll be able to meet for dinner when you're in town."
Perhaps he was just making conversation, I find it kind of odd that he would suddenly expect you open your doors to him for so many weekends a year like that. I really don't know if you should take him that seriously. And if he did mean it, pretend like you thought he was joking and that it's just not convenient.
I think it's incredibly rude for a virtual stranger to ask to stay at your house. My husband had a an uncle that he hadn't seen in decades that came to visit. I couldn't stand him for ten minutes let alone a week. He thought that we should put him and his wife up every time they came to town from Texas. My husband was working the midnight shift at the time, and that alone was difficult enough for us. My husband just told him that he was sorry but it was a terribly inconvenient time for us. The answer would still have been NO no mater what time it was. It wasn't long before we stopped hearing from him all together.
If you don't want company, stay firm. I personally believe that nobody should invite themselves to your house, especially for an extended stay. That's what hotels are for.
I agree on the hotel part. I'd go see my dad out of state a couple of times a year and we always stayed in a hotel, every year my dad was ask us if we wanted to stay at his house and I insisted that we do the hotel thing. I just like having my own space to go back to. My dad and his wife would go to bed at 9pm and I didn't usually go down that early. The first few times I did stay at his house I felt like a teenager living with my parents. They go to bed 830 or 9 and I'm sitting in a spare bedroom at 9 on Saturday night. Felt like a little kid.
I wouldn't expect others to put us up. A LOT of people do expect family to put them up when they come into town. Kind of surprises me how many people expect that, but whatever, maybe it's just me and maybe I'm weird but I like having my own space and away time from visiting with people.
Me : 70 year old male, widowed for 8 years. Live in same 4br-2.5 bath house alone. Have always been one to stress over what people think so I have always stressed when we had quest. Even when our grown kids would visit I had to make sure everything was perfect. Sorry, that's just the way I am.
Situation: Brother in-law from several states away (wife's brother) approached me at my granddaughter's wedding recently and said his granddaughter has received an athletic scholarship to a major university within 20 miles of where I live and he implied he and wife will be calling on me to host them when in town. The athletic season of his granddaughter's sport is 5 months long with about 30 home events. I have only been in their company once since my wife died 8 years ago so we are not really close.
My thoughts: after 8 years of living alone I can't imagine having house guest for a week several times for months for 4 years. Some days I am up at 6am and some days I sleep in till 9. I am just not the type of person who could just tell guest to fin for themselves so I would be up early every morning making breakfast/etc. .... I'm not sure I can physically do that for extended periods and even more so I don't think I could do it mentally.
Options: I have been thinking about downsizing for a couple of years but have procrastinated looking at the task of purging a life's worth of stuff and the not knowing for sure where I would go. This has me thinking maybe I need to sell and relocate to another area to avoid the matter all together. I somewhat feel I am running away but can't imagine playing host for years. One way or the other I do need to downsize and sometimes think this might be just the motivation I need.
So: Am I an _sshole and being selfish ?? What would you do ?
The truth is that you have been thinking of downsizing for a couple of years. If it were me, I would tell him that and that I'm preparing the house for sale so long term guests are out of the question. I might offer to rent the house to him, multi-year lease, depending on whether I trust them. And then take off.
I am actually LOLing thinking about the OP moving to avoid this situation. Just goes to show how awkward certain situations can be and how we are trained to be polite and just yes everything to death rather than just say how we really feel.
You say your BIL 'implied' he'd be hitting you up...that leads me to believe that it was a little ambiguous?
How about pretending the implication went right over your head, and send him some links to a good extended stay hotel?
Either he will take the hint that you're not expecting guests, or he won't, and he'll follow up with further details, which at that point, just be honest and tell him at your age, you're just not up to committing your home as a lodge for the next 4 years. And then you can tell him "But hey, it'd be great to see you, let's get dinner while you're in town!"
You're just being honest with how you feel about it.What you should do is use this time to start looking around in nice areas for types of condos or to live in?I understand when you're use to doing your own thing whenever you want.
Don't make any quick snap judgments because of your brother-in-law.
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