U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 04-28-2017, 03:13 PM
NCN
 
Location: NC/SC Border Patrol
21,135 posts, read 21,815,799 times
Reputation: 23216

Advertisements

My guess is that your SIL has been bossing your wife around for her whole life. You have a long row to hoe there. It was probably taught at home.

Our situation: I get a call from my SIL inviting us to a family get-together at his brother's home. I told my husband I wasn't going because if I get an invitation to his brother's home it should come from either he or his wife. My husband suggested that I call his brother to make sure it is O. K. Brother didn't think anything was strange about his sister inviting us to his house. To this day I have never heard his wife say that. But she sometimes doesn't show up when they get together. She is a sweet person who makes few waves. Yes, this sister has bossed both her brothers since I met them.

My only way of being able to deal with this is to stand up to the sister by myself. He will not deal with her except to say, "Sure." I cannot tell you how much trouble having this person thinking she has a right to make plans for us has caused. But maybe I don't have to. You know that already. It is your wife that needs to learn her husband comes ahead of her sister. Both she and her sister need to grow up and realize it isn't their childhood anymore.

Do you have keys to your house already? LOL Good luck! If she plans something else, maybe you can get an exterminator there the same day.

Last edited by NCN; 04-28-2017 at 03:24 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 04-28-2017, 03:20 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,866 posts, read 17,179,158 times
Reputation: 40698
Speaking of keys to the house, there have been several threads on CD where family members such as parents and siblings insist that they need keys to their relative's house in case of emergency.

It turns out later that others are frequently coming over uninvited and just letting themselves inside or the big emergency is that they ran out of beer and knew that brother or sister always kept a lot in stock. So, they re drinking beer and having a mini party while the homeowners are gone.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-28-2017, 04:55 PM
 
12,386 posts, read 7,443,777 times
Reputation: 23220
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
Notice, though, that the house will be vacant, because the owners won't have moved in yet. That's weird; wanting to use someone's house before they've even moved in? It's a bit presumptuous to make that request.
Where did the OP say the house will be vacant during these events?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-28-2017, 05:18 PM
 
Location: here
24,839 posts, read 29,965,934 times
Reputation: 32387
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
Notice, though, that the house will be vacant, because the owners won't have moved in yet. That's weird; wanting to use someone's house before they've even moved in? It's a bit presumptuous to make that request.
I don't think so. They haven't move in yet, and she already asked to use the house in the future. I din't think he meant the house will be vacant for the events.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-28-2017, 08:32 PM
 
12 posts, read 5,764 times
Reputation: 37
In reference to the "Keys", I have the keys to my kids' houses and NEVER ever use them unless invited. People waste way too much time on foolish crap - like this entire "issue".
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-28-2017, 08:36 PM
 
12 posts, read 5,764 times
Reputation: 37
Default Right on

Quote:
Originally Posted by TotallyTam View Post
Goll, I wish families would start acting like families. This and about two dozen other posts on this forum are sad. Yes, the SIL should consult with you both, that's a given. Remind her (and your spouse) of this. But then lighten up---welcome your extended family to your new home, celebrate the happy times, have parties, let your hair down a little, spend time in your new place making memories and tightening the family unit. Life is too short, man! There are all sorts of goofy rules now if you want to get together with your family. This is the sad part. Good luck and be the unifier!

Right on!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-29-2017, 12:45 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
77,875 posts, read 69,839,114 times
Reputation: 75627
Quote:
Originally Posted by NCN View Post
My guess is that your SIL has been bossing your wife around for her whole life. You have a long row to hoe there. It was probably taught at home.
.
That's a good observation. It's possible that a lifelong ingrained dynamic is going on. Still, the OP should have a quiet talk with his wife, to say that not all of her sis's ideas are good ones, and they shouldn't be rubber-stamped without talking to him first, to see if he's ok with her proposals.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-29-2017, 10:42 AM
 
14 posts, read 6,621 times
Reputation: 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterfly4u View Post
croth82,
You are a control freak.
Get over it now, or you will be unhappy your whole life.
It is BOTH of your home. It's not all about you.
I have never heard of a man having the experience of buying a home
ruined by his sister in law simply by requesting to have her before the wedding
pictures taken at her sisters home.
Grow up.
Well I guess I'm a control freak if I want to have some level of control on what goes on in my home that I actually pay for. I think any sane reasonable person would. My issue was never really with getting ready for the wedding. Since I reluctantly said ok to my wife when she told me but said you need to ask me on these things in the future. My main issue was always with birthday since I was once again never asked. And based off my dealings with my sister in law we would be paying for it and it would be a lot of strangers in our new home, which creates a lot of liability issues.

And also another thing I forgot to mention that she actually currently lives in a house that she rents and will until the wedding. Yes it's a little less then a 1000 square feet versus our whopping 1200 square foot home we purchased. So if her argument is she needs a house to get ready in then shouldn't she be using her own. Ours isn't that much closer to the wedding venue. However her home is absolute filthy and you absolutely wreak like smoke upon entering since apparently it's too hard to walk ten feet out the door to smoke cigarettes and pot. I find it repulsive and I actually smoke lol. Just thought I'd give you a little more of the facts.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-29-2017, 10:47 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
77,875 posts, read 69,839,114 times
Reputation: 75627
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
I don't think so. They haven't move in yet, and she already asked to use the house in the future. I din't think he meant the house will be vacant for the events.
OK, that wasn't clear, thank you. It sounded as though for the first event, the house wouldn't be occupied by the owners yet.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-29-2017, 10:52 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
77,875 posts, read 69,839,114 times
Reputation: 75627
Quote:
Originally Posted by croth82 View Post
Well I guess I'm a control freak if I want to have some level of control on what goes on in my home that I actually pay for. I think any sane reasonable person would. My issue was never really with getting ready for the wedding. Since I reluctantly said ok to my wife when she told me but said you need to ask me on these things in the future. My main issue was always with birthday since I was once again never asked. And based off my dealings with my sister in law we would be paying for it and it would be a lot of strangers in our new home, which creates a lot of liability issues.

And also another thing I forgot to mention that she actually currently lives in a house that she rents and will until the wedding. Yes it's a little less then a 1000 square feet versus our whopping 1200 square foot home we purchased. So if her argument is she needs a house to get ready in then shouldn't she be using her own. Ours isn't that much closer to the wedding venue. However her home is absolute filthy and you absolutely wreak like smoke upon entering since apparently it's too hard to walk ten feet out the door to smoke cigarettes and pot. I find it repulsive and I actually smoke lol. Just thought I'd give you a little more of the facts.
This helps explain her drive to use someone else's house for her personal events. Can she not afford to rent an inexpensive venue for some of these occasions? A church hall? A vacation condo for a day? A community hall? I think she should be steered in that direction. Either that, or buy her a cleaning service for a day--a cleaning team--as a b-day present, in advance of the occasion. For that matter, you could pay for a venue for her, as a b-day present. It wouldn't have to cost much.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 03:25 PM.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. | Please obey Forum Rules | Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top