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I write this without any judgement and I hope the responses can also keep from making personal statements.
Close family members who I care a lot about are obese. One in particular is almost not mobile. This individual can't fly on an airplane without buying two seats. When we go to restaurants, I have to be sure we have a table vice a booth or this person can't fit (I usually scope it out or call ahead to make sure.)
Recently I re-did one of the outdoor spaces in my house and was buying patio furniture. I paused considering what I should buy-- as this individual and their family visits fairly often, I thought I should probably get something that can support them. But what I was sure would ended up being cost prohibitive. I went with something that I thought would work (it was rated to hold enough weight.)
This person sat down and the entire sofa collapsed. I felt absolutely terrible. I had really put thought into this and the furniture was not as advertised. I apologized profusely but there is embarrassment and hurt feelings.
The spouse of this individual has chided me for not being considerate about weight and making appropriate "accomodations." I don't know how to respond and what my obligation here is. I have always tried to make everyone comfortable in my home.
What do you think I should do? Am I at fault for not being considerate about this?
Heck no you are not responsible and you shouldn't feel bad for this person. They got themselves that way, take it from a fellow obese person. You did more than most and you actually tried to get furniture to accommodate. Don't feel bad or rearrange your life or budget around this person. The vast majority of fat people do it to themselves and we shouldn't be demanding that normal weight people accommodate our unhealthy ways.
My reply would have been.....Bring your own chair/sofa, next time.
To me this is like somebody who is fat...asking for you to install a special toilet in your house, to enable them to sit on it with out hanging over both sides of it. Or to buy a extra wide chair for them use at your dinner table.
Personal responsibility is the key here. If you wear a 6 X size t shirt, you are fat . No doubt about it.
Hurt feelings and embarrassment turn easily to anger. It sounds like you took that person's needs into consideration and the item you bought did not live up to its specifications. I would gently try to explain that to them while apologizing for the embarrassment caused.
However, you are not obligated to purchase a special seating arrangement just for a person who needs special seating. As a person who apparently cares about these people, it would be very nice to do so, however. There are canvas folding chairs rated up to 400 pounds you can buy for a couple hundred dollars. Obviously, that's expensive for that. Perhaps, if you have an open relationship with these people, you could suggest such.
That being said, I'm not surprised that almost every other response has rudeness at its core. Sad.
Get your money back on the sofa. While I would feel bad for a person that large, I accept no responsibility in the matter. A concrete bench or similar with cushions might be an option.
Location: Finally the house is done and we are in Port St. Lucie!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by emotiioo
I write this without any judgement and I hope the responses can also keep from making personal statements.
Close family members who I care a lot about are obese. One in particular is almost not mobile. This individual can't fly on an airplane without buying two seats. When we go to restaurants, I have to be sure we have a table vice a booth or this person can't fit (I usually scope it out or call ahead to make sure.)
Recently I re-did one of the outdoor spaces in my house and was buying patio furniture. I paused considering what I should buy-- as this individual and their family visits fairly often, I thought I should probably get something that can support them. But what I was sure would ended up being cost prohibitive. I went with something that I thought would work (it was rated to hold enough weight.)
This person sat down and the entire sofa collapsed. I felt absolutely terrible. I had really put thought into this and the furniture was not as advertised. I apologized profusely but there is embarrassment and hurt feelings.
The spouse of this individual has chided me for not being considerate about weight and making appropriate "accomodations." I don't know how to respond and what my obligation here is. I have always tried to make everyone comfortable in my home.
What do you think I should do? Am I at fault for not being considerate about this?
I can't see where you weren't considerate.
You looked at the specs and they were supposed to hold x amount of weight. It is entirely possible that the person, that caused the collapse, weighed more
The person chiding you should help in replacing the couch. Let them know that you tried to take the overweight person into consideration and miscalculated. If they need something stronger, they should chip in to cover a higher weight rated piece.
Barring that, invite them to bring over their own chair to use.
I'm also going to try to say this without judgement.
You don't have any obligation to accommodate this person's weight and spend extra money when you're not the one who made their mistakes in getting to the point of obesity (I'll assume there are no diseases this person has that makes them unable to control their weight since you didn't say anything about it.)
You already did more than enough for them in my opinion, and if anything, they owe you money for the couch and if they want accommodations, they should have to be financially responsible for it. If you were helping accommodate an actual disabled person, it would be totally different.
And Robino1 is right, they could also bring their own furniture.
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