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Old 04-29-2017, 07:44 AM
 
3,248 posts, read 2,440,132 times
Reputation: 7255

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I write this without any judgement and I hope the responses can also keep from making personal statements.

Close family members who I care a lot about are obese. One in particular is almost not mobile. This individual can't fly on an airplane without buying two seats. When we go to restaurants, I have to be sure we have a table vice a booth or this person can't fit (I usually scope it out or call ahead to make sure.)

Recently I re-did one of the outdoor spaces in my house and was buying patio furniture. I paused considering what I should buy-- as this individual and their family visits fairly often, I thought I should probably get something that can support them. But what I was sure would ended up being cost prohibitive. I went with something that I thought would work (it was rated to hold enough weight.)

This person sat down and the entire sofa collapsed. I felt absolutely terrible. I had really put thought into this and the furniture was not as advertised. I apologized profusely but there is embarrassment and hurt feelings.

The spouse of this individual has chided me for not being considerate about weight and making appropriate "accomodations." I don't know how to respond and what my obligation here is. I have always tried to make everyone comfortable in my home.

What do you think I should do? Am I at fault for not being considerate about this?
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Old 04-29-2017, 07:50 AM
 
2,951 posts, read 2,501,033 times
Reputation: 5292
I would get your money back on the sofa.

You did what you could to accommodate them. I'm at a loss for words.

Maybe build some brick seating areas. Put down some cushions.
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Old 04-29-2017, 07:57 AM
 
851 posts, read 1,325,405 times
Reputation: 1646
Heck no you are not responsible and you shouldn't feel bad for this person. They got themselves that way, take it from a fellow obese person. You did more than most and you actually tried to get furniture to accommodate. Don't feel bad or rearrange your life or budget around this person. The vast majority of fat people do it to themselves and we shouldn't be demanding that normal weight people accommodate our unhealthy ways.
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Old 04-29-2017, 07:58 AM
 
776 posts, read 949,512 times
Reputation: 2757
My reply would have been.....Bring your own chair/sofa, next time.


To me this is like somebody who is fat...asking for you to install a special toilet in your house, to enable them to sit on it with out hanging over both sides of it. Or to buy a extra wide chair for them use at your dinner table.


Personal responsibility is the key here. If you wear a 6 X size t shirt, you are fat . No doubt about it.


xxx.
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Old 04-29-2017, 07:58 AM
 
2,911 posts, read 2,021,222 times
Reputation: 5153
If they aren't contributing financially to their "accommodations", then you do what is best for YOU, not them.
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Old 04-29-2017, 08:11 AM
 
Location: Concord NC
1,858 posts, read 1,636,462 times
Reputation: 5175
They need to bring their own furniture held together with nails from the planet Krypton.
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Old 04-29-2017, 08:32 AM
 
2,144 posts, read 1,868,008 times
Reputation: 10604
Hurt feelings and embarrassment turn easily to anger. It sounds like you took that person's needs into consideration and the item you bought did not live up to its specifications. I would gently try to explain that to them while apologizing for the embarrassment caused.

However, you are not obligated to purchase a special seating arrangement just for a person who needs special seating. As a person who apparently cares about these people, it would be very nice to do so, however. There are canvas folding chairs rated up to 400 pounds you can buy for a couple hundred dollars. Obviously, that's expensive for that. Perhaps, if you have an open relationship with these people, you could suggest such.

That being said, I'm not surprised that almost every other response has rudeness at its core. Sad.
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Old 04-29-2017, 08:33 AM
 
12,069 posts, read 23,136,845 times
Reputation: 27177
Get your money back on the sofa. While I would feel bad for a person that large, I accept no responsibility in the matter. A concrete bench or similar with cushions might be an option.
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Old 04-29-2017, 08:41 AM
 
Location: Finally the house is done and we are in Port St. Lucie!
3,488 posts, read 3,311,796 times
Reputation: 9913
Quote:
Originally Posted by emotiioo View Post
I write this without any judgement and I hope the responses can also keep from making personal statements.

Close family members who I care a lot about are obese. One in particular is almost not mobile. This individual can't fly on an airplane without buying two seats. When we go to restaurants, I have to be sure we have a table vice a booth or this person can't fit (I usually scope it out or call ahead to make sure.)

Recently I re-did one of the outdoor spaces in my house and was buying patio furniture. I paused considering what I should buy-- as this individual and their family visits fairly often, I thought I should probably get something that can support them. But what I was sure would ended up being cost prohibitive. I went with something that I thought would work (it was rated to hold enough weight.)

This person sat down and the entire sofa collapsed. I felt absolutely terrible. I had really put thought into this and the furniture was not as advertised. I apologized profusely but there is embarrassment and hurt feelings.

The spouse of this individual has chided me for not being considerate about weight and making appropriate "accomodations." I don't know how to respond and what my obligation here is. I have always tried to make everyone comfortable in my home.

What do you think I should do? Am I at fault for not being considerate about this?
I can't see where you weren't considerate.

You looked at the specs and they were supposed to hold x amount of weight. It is entirely possible that the person, that caused the collapse, weighed more

The person chiding you should help in replacing the couch. Let them know that you tried to take the overweight person into consideration and miscalculated. If they need something stronger, they should chip in to cover a higher weight rated piece.

Barring that, invite them to bring over their own chair to use.
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Old 04-29-2017, 09:03 AM
 
Location: Mid-Michigan
171 posts, read 164,688 times
Reputation: 165
I'm also going to try to say this without judgement.

You don't have any obligation to accommodate this person's weight and spend extra money when you're not the one who made their mistakes in getting to the point of obesity (I'll assume there are no diseases this person has that makes them unable to control their weight since you didn't say anything about it.)

You already did more than enough for them in my opinion, and if anything, they owe you money for the couch and if they want accommodations, they should have to be financially responsible for it. If you were helping accommodate an actual disabled person, it would be totally different.

And Robino1 is right, they could also bring their own furniture.
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