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It's not awkward for me to pay for myself, it's just a little awkward because she is paying for everyone else there except for me. Imagine if you wanted to go out with friends and one of them said they were paying for all the rest of them, including your husband, but if you wanted to come you would have to pay for yourself... It's sorta like why bother inviting me in the first place? There is also nothing wrong with her wanting a family dinner, I never said there was... That's not where my problem lies. It's just I would have rather her not invite me at all, then passive aggressively invite me. If she wanted time with just her kids she could have had dinner with just them, they do it all the time. But, like I have said in a previous comment, I rarely go out to eat with his family. This would be like the second time I have gone out with his whole family for dinner in our entire 3 year relationship. So for you to assume that I try to tag along to everything is very unfair and inaccurate... She shouldn't have extended the invitation if she did not really want me there, but she did in a relatively passive aggressive manner, which is where my frustration comes from. Hope you get what I'm saying now.
I said NOTHING about you tagging along. I specifically said me and my husband don't tag along to every family function.
She didn't call you or text you or email you to ask you to come to the dinner. You asked your boyfriend who sounded like it was a yeah sure deal not oh yeah you're definitely invited. If this is only the second time in 3 years that you would have gone out to eat with them, that tells you something. I still don't think paying for one's self at a restaurant is a big deal nor is it awkward. I just ask for a separate check when I place my order. No biggie.
I think you should ask for clarification as to whether or not the BF's parents invited you. If they told your BF to invite you, then they should pay for dinner. If they didn't, I think I'd skip it.
If one of the parents had invited the OP they should pay, If BF had said can I bring her there it gets questionable . .
sounds like this family is a bunch of people who lack good manners . Cut your losses and find another bf who appreciates you and wants you to be at family functions . Ditch those duds and ditch them now . I'm sure you can do much better .
Maybe it's time to reconsider this guy? Any guy who asks his serious GF to come to a family dinner and asks her to pay is either a cheapskate, a douche or person who does not know how to be a gentleman.
If you decide to marry this guy, be forewarned a nutty mother in law can make your lives hell. Guys that have mothers like this generally are not able to stand up to them when they behave badly either.
To begin, I will say that I am a relatively sensitive person and I do tend to take things personally when they are not meant to be. However, I'm also pretty rational and usually after thinking about stuff for a bit I understand what was originally meant. So I have no idea if I actually have a right to feel slightly offended or not.
So basically, my boyfriends sibling just came back from a trip, and to celebrate his mom was going to take them out to a restaurant Monday night. On Sunday, my boyfriend said I should go over to his house Monday after work and I said something like "oh but you have the dinner" to which he replied with "Oh yeah you can come to that by the way." I'm thinking okay yeah that would be cool but then he says "but you have to pay for yourself."
I thought that the parents/host/whoever did the inviting was usually supposed to pay; especially considering she will be paying for my boyfriend and her other kid, I just felt kind of left out. I'm not trying to make it a competition or anything and it's not fair to compare different peoples styles and actions; but if and when my parents invite him to a family dinner at a restaurant they always pay for both me AND him. I wouldn't feel so bad if everyone was paying for themselves or something, and I understand that they are her kids, but idk it still kind of made me feel bad.
Is this a normal thing?? I've only really been in one serious relationship, which is with this current boyfriend, so I don't have much experience dining out with the boyfriend and the family. Am I overreacting or is it sort of understandable to be slightly put-off by this?
Sorry this is such a stupid, random question haha, thanks for any advice.
P.S; for clarification, I asked my bf if I was actually invited by the parent and family or if he just told me to come thinking it would be okay, and he said I was legit invited.
From the words you wrote your boyfriend invited you not his Mother so your boyfriend should be paying for you using your thought process.
You feel left out because you choose to feel left out and it is also your choice to feel bad or be offended.
The OP DOES have a choice - pay for her meal and go to the dinner or don't go to the dinner. Why would you expect her boyfriend's mother to pay for her to attend a dinner that she wasn't really invited to?
I don't even know how to answer this. You aren't understanding what I'm saying at all.
OP You did the right thing, the thoughtful thing by not attending the dinner...I wouldn't make an issue about it and cause any angst or embarrassment. Just let it go..
My daughters, granddaughter and I have lots of lunches and sometimes dinners together and their bf and husbands respect that and know they are not invited. That is a relaxing time set aside outside hearth and home for Mom and her girls.
BF's and husbands know they are invited to all family dinners and barbecues and get togethers here though.
I actually ended up declining and not going. If she would rather me not be there then that's fine I won't force myself. I plan on asking my boyfriend more about how exactly her inviting me occurred, like did he ask if I could come or did she bring it up first. I won't take it too personally for now! I will remain cautious and ask some more questions before drawing further conclusions (:
Thanks for all the opinions and advice guys, made me realize that I was overthinking it a bit but I have a right to be kind of confused by it.
I think you did the right thing OP! Good luck to you in the future!
If you decide to marry this guy, be forewarned a nutty mother in law can make your lives hell. Guys that have mothers like this generally are not able to stand up to them when they behave badly either.
There are plenty of nutty DIL stories as well. OP isn't really helping herself by only focusing negatively on the mother.
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