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Old 05-03-2017, 04:15 PM
Location: SoCal again
15,931 posts, read 12,709,689 times
Reputation: 31100


Originally Posted by shaynerd View Post
She is not retired. The mother DID invite me. If you do not read the entire thread and all of my related posts to this topic please do not put your 2 cents in because a lot of the replies could be answered in previous posts, or there is information that could apply in previous posts. I appreciate everybody's advice but IT IS OVER NOW. There is NO MORE NEED TO DISCUSS THIS. Besides, I think many of you haven't read the entire thread and are missing the point. Some of you are trying to say things along the line of "whats wrong with a family dinner?" or "it's a family dinner there's nothing wrong with that." THAT IS NOT WHAT MY ISSUE IS. Others are saying things like "Why can't you just pay for yourself?" THAT'S NOT MY ISSUE EITHER. I simply wanted peoples opinions on what the mother meant by inviting me to the dinner but saying that I would have to pay for myself. I was frustrated simply because, why would she rather passive aggressively invite me, than not invite me at all? I would totally understand if it was just for family. Some of you are even going so far as to tell me I should leave my boyfriend. Thank you for looking out for me, but that is not what this thread was intended to be about. Like I have said multiple times before, this was a small, one time thing that I just wanted a few thoughts on, I did not want an entire debate on etiquette. I would really appreciate it if we could stop bickering or insulting my boyfriend/his family/myself. Like someone said before, none of you really understand our family dynamic or relationship, so I wanted broad advice, thoughts and opinions to apply to my specific situation. Now, some of the assumptions people are making are incredibly inaccurate and frustrating for me to hear because of how incorrect they are. Don't take offense to this people, I'm just done with this thread and I would appreciate it if we all were too (:
By all means, continue talking about etiquette, manners and payments if you like! Just please don't mention me or my specific situation, as it is over and done with.
I gotcha .... on everything. It isn't about the money.

I agree to your point of view.
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Old 05-05-2017, 08:17 AM
12,879 posts, read 15,357,571 times
Reputation: 14824
Originally Posted by shaynerd View Post
So I have no idea if I actually have a right to feel slightly offended or not.

Am I overreacting or is it sort of understandable to be slightly put-off by this?

P.S; for clarification, I asked my bf if I was actually invited by the parent and family or if he just told me to come thinking it would be okay, and he said I was legit invited.
It's absolutely bizarre that you've been invited and they still expect you to pay.

Your boyfriend sounds pretty weird too (thoughtless)...why would he tell you that?.
.If that is the case (you are the only one expected to pay for your meal), why didn't he just have the good grace and kindness to just ask you to come and not mention the cost....that's what I would have done...and if the parents still expected that of you, I would have paid for you myself, probably without you ever having known.
Are you sure it's the parents that want your money....and not the "boyfriend"?
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Old 05-05-2017, 07:19 PM
16,992 posts, read 20,598,336 times
Reputation: 33956
Originally Posted by shaynerd View Post

I actually asked him about an hour ago if I was legit invited by his mom or if only he invited me; and he said that I was actually invited by the fam. He is not really the type of guy to invite me to something if he is not 100% sure that I can come. However, it's true that he could of asked "can my gf come?" but judging by the type of guy he is, like I said, if he wasn't 100% confident that I am allowed and welcome to come, I don't think he would have asked me to.
Well you're not invited, because when you're invited out to dinner, you're not paying for your meal.

I don't think he is being honest with you, more like he asked his mom if you could come along. Mom isn't thrilled with the idea as she probably just wanted to spend some time with her kids.
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Old 05-05-2017, 07:34 PM
473 posts, read 323,472 times
Reputation: 324
Yuck! Sorry. I think you are just going to have to do 'shields up' with this one's family. NEVER RESPOND TO ANYTHING RUDE. JUST KEEP SAYING, 'I didn't know that', "I see" or "You don't say"... Can just keep talking about the same subject over and over but I would wait until the wedding to see if they are still cheap about dinners with a daughter-in-law. Can try to just get the in-laws talking about themselves & son, this is ALWAYS helpful later too! (You raised such a smart, ______, ______ son. You have to be so proud.) (I just love hearing about your travel stories...)

Later, opportunity will arise to be really busy during visit with kids along, cooking, elder care so just stay so busy you just keep repeating the 3 phrases and respond to nothing rude. "Things are great, thank you. And, how are you both?' over and over is all you really have to say. Always have an excuse to leave after these 'appointments' with inlaws,,,

Is from 'Toxic Family' and hugely helpful coping...Only need this chapter from the book...
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Old 05-06-2017, 06:48 PM
7 posts, read 3,890 times
Reputation: 24
Originally Posted by shaynerd View Post
Thanks for your opinions guys! I have a better understanding of this now, and I am not as offended (: I'm a little put-off by it still but that's life haha.
Just dump him. He sounds rude
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Old 05-06-2017, 09:45 PM
3,137 posts, read 1,806,574 times
Reputation: 5990
I still think this is so rude, I would dump the guy too, in a heartbeat.
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